


A Good Day to Die

by thebitchofdathomir



Series: Off-Beat 90's movie inspired Reylo moodiness [1]
Category: Flatliners (1990), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 90s AU, And damn if that ain't my favorite flavor, Ben and Rey are the unmarried old married couple, Ben has his Flubber moments, Devoted Reylo, Don’t let their grades fool you, Established Reylo, F/M, Hux is nice in this one, I lied I branch away from the fake science of the movie to make it more ridiculous, I mean they are broken up at first but only for like five minutes, I once heard Flatliners described as a neo gothic brat pack film, I really just piggyback off of the fake science from the movie, I think it’s more moody than angsty, Inspired by Flatliners(1990), Logic? I don't know her, M/M, Mild Smut, No One Is Suicidal, actually no, and can't resist, and other heavy topics, because I'm weak, everyone is pretty stupid, it is angsty, so naturally I put this shit together, there's death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:55:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 54,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25330486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebitchofdathomir/pseuds/thebitchofdathomir
Summary: After discovering some of his late grandfather's old journals and eccentric scientific theories, medical student Ben Solo believes he's found a way to discover what lies beyond death by creating an experiment that induces a near-death experience with the help of his classmates. When it proves to be successful, he and the others pursue all there is to find for the sake of further discovery. But maybe the answers they are looking for are not found in death but in life instead.But there is a price that comes with playing with death and some questions are best left unanswered. For his long time girlfriend, Rey, that becomes all too clear. Hopefully, they haven't gone too far before it's too late.Maybe there are some lines that shouldn't be crossed.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Off-Beat 90's movie inspired Reylo moodiness [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854436
Comments: 17
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  I've gone off the deep end. Thank you for coming to your local trash heap.

Ben didn’t sleep much anymore. And when he did, he woke up before his alarm. His mind rarely shuts off, especially now. Today, _or rather tonight,_ was the night. The night that he had been working for. 

Rising, he grabs his pants from over the chair but moves to pick out a fresh shirt after getting a whiff of the one he wore the day before. He bypassed the clothes she left behind, trying not to linger in how it always smelled more like _her_ in the closet than him. 

_She’ll come back,_ he tells himself. She has to. She has to.

_He needs her to._

He knows he needs her but he’s sort of been on auto-pilot lately. The more upset he is with his personal strife, the more he invests in the work. And he knew that was a bad formula but it was really the only way he knew how to function since she wasn’t here to balance him out. It's been a long time since he was living alone. He made do before because he didn't know what he was missing. But after being with her for so long, her absence is staggering. Reminders are everywhere. Even on himself, he thinks, as he looks down at the tattoo on his chest. The one of _her_ name. 

_Rey._

Ben shakes his head, muttering to himself as he tries to refocus and pulls his shirt over his head. He brushes his teeth, running a comb through his hair. 

He’s not hungry but there wouldn’t be anything much in the fridge anyway. He doesn’t remember the last time he went to the store for real food but he guesses it would have been when Rey was still living here which was over two weeks ago now. He’s been living off cafeteria food, microwaved noodles, and snacks at the corner drug store. Surprisingly, the diet of most med students he had observed. 

Locking the apartment behind him he steps out with his coat, in need of some air. His first class doesn't start until ten but he’s gotten used to taking a stroll in the early mornings like this after sleeping for a max of three hours. At least when he didn't have to report at the hospital at four in the morning.

Ben steps out in the early blue glow of morning, head down with his hands stuffed in his pockets. For mid-October, it was colder than usual but it didn't look like it was going to rain today. Ben was wearing a long black scarf even though it wasn’t really his. It was just another thing she had left behind. At first, Ben wore it because the trace of her was too hard to resist but he’s worn it too much now. It smells like him instead. But it was warm and soft like her so he wrapped it around his neck anyway.

Ben continues on his path, going where he usually does which wasn’t too far, especially since there weren't too many people out just yet. 

He ignores the aroma of brewing coffee from half a dozen shops, trudging forward to where he can feel the brisk wind hit his face, coming untethered from the water so he pulls the scarf a bit higher for protection. 

He hops over a cement barrier and ducks under some construction tape to find the spot he’s come to claim within the previous weeks and trying not to think too much about all the times he and Rey would come here during the summer and just look out at the water. 

He sits there for what could have been a minute or an hour as he gazed out at the water until the sun starts to rise. 

And when it does, Ben nods in all the certainty he was capable of anymore. 

_Today is a good day to die._

Or at least, it seemed to be as good a day as any.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben isn't suicidal. He's working on a project. 
> 
> Anyways...apparently, I only start fanfics now. I don't finish them, lol. But honestly, these days, I just like to look for things to distract me for a while, and writing Reylo in stupid 90s AUs is a mood so...here we are. 
> 
> Thanks for coming. Stay safe wherever you are.
> 
> <3!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING: There are brief mentions of a failed abortion in this chapter (not Rey but an unnamed patient). The descriptions are not too graphic but I realize that may be upsetting. If you saw Flatliners (1990) it's kind of reflective of what Kevin Bacon does in one of the first scenes. 
> 
> If you want to skip over that, I put the little "(***)" before and after the short passage that describes this just to be safe. It's only about three sentences.

Rey sat on a bench in the hallway. She could hear Mon Mothma’s voice inside, retelling to the board what Rey had done. 

Rey knew she was supposed to feel guilty. She knew she was supposed to feel remorseful and to be begging for forgiveness and working up her tears so when they called her in she could really deliver her case as well as she could. 

But the tears that gather in her eyes weren’t for the sake of getting pity from the board members or to convince them to let her stay with her scholarship. The tears in her eyes had been there for weeks now and her actions within the past few hours would not have affected if they came or not. But she didn’t want to dwell on that now. Especially since people were still walking by and she had no desire to look like she was crying in front of the principal’s office like she’s in the third grade. 

So she moves forward with her elbows on her legs so she could hide her face in her hands, trying to think of what happens next. Trying to think of where she’s supposed to go from here. 

And she nearly breaks into a full-on sob as she thinks of Ben and how much she misses him and she wants nothing more than to just see him again. To fall into his arms and pretend like their fight never happened.

But she couldn’t because she knew he had made his choice. 

Despite their separation, she still loved him and that drove her crazy. She thought he loved her too and that sooner or later he would track her down and tell her he was being irrational. But he hasn’t. He’s still gone and she’s never felt so alone.

As she sits there, looking down at her shoes and trying to drown out all the passerby noise, including the muffled voices from inside the office, she sees another pair of shoes stop close to hers. A small pair of mary janes she would recognize anywhere. 

“Rey?” Her ears finally clear enough for her to hear the concerned voice. Rey looks up to see Rose’s looking down on her. 

“Hey, Rose,” Rey tries to offer as normally as she could. 

“What–” Rose looks to the door, likely hearing the voices for herself and seeing the redness of Rey’s eyes to know something was wrong. “What happened?”

Rey sighs. She hasn’t spoken much to Rose in the past few weeks. Actually, aside from chatting with Maz, she hasn't spoken to many people. And as she looks at Rose, she realizes how much she misses her, so maybe that's why she sighs and tells her, without discretion. “I think I’m about to be expelled.”

“What?” Rose’s eyes blow wide. Her shoulders droop a bit but she clutches her books to keep them from falling. She sits down beside her“Why?”

“I ‘overstepped’ at the clinic this morning during my shift. It was overcrowded and all the doctors on shift were busy. A woman came in and I knew we needed to operate fast or she was going to die.”

(***)

Rey had taken one look at the patient and suspected her hemorrhaging was caused by a failed street abortion. It was causing her tremendous pain and was likely going to kill her in a matter of minutes. The woman was bleeding too quickly.

(***)

The med students weren’t allowed to operate on patients or do anything too involved without some level of higher up permission. But Rey knew it couldn’t wait and she made the choice that she would rather this woman keep her life than to just stand aside and play by the rules. 

And when that woman stabilized, she didn’t even care when Dr. Mothma came marching after and shouting, “Johnson, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” so loud that the entire building probably heard it.

As Rey finishes relaying this as simple as she can without crying, Rose pulls her into half of a hug. “Oh Rey, I’m so sorry. I...I’m sure they won’t expel you. Especially since you saved her life.”

Rey is more than doubtful. “I broke the rule. They’re well within their rights to do whatever they want. All they would have to do is revoke my scholarship and I would be gone. I can’t stay here without that and they know it.”

Rose sighs, knowing she couldn’t offer much false security because she was right. It seemed a little hopeless. But if that’s what it costs to save a woman’s life then so be it. At least that woman was safe in bed, recovering from her injuries and stable. 

Finally, Rose speaks again. “I...I know things have been difficult lately. Finn and I...and the _others,_ ” she says quietly and Rey knows she's referring to Ben but she won't say his name, "we worry about you. I know you said you're staying with Nurse Kanata but you know we're all here if you want to talk. Whatever it is that's bothering you."

So, Rose must not know. She suspects Finn knows, Ben probably told him, but Finn hasn't told Rose...or, maybe they didn't think Ben was being serious.

Rey looks at her, her lip trembling as she thinks of everything that lies within the floodgates. Everything she's been dealing with but unable to say and how easy it would be to tell her how scared she is. But then the door opens and Dr. Mothma appears with a stern look on her face, holding it open. “Miss. Johnson, if you would be so kind as to join us.”

“Yes. Of course,” she says and Rose gives her a friendly pat on the back. Something she has missed since she distanced her self. Rose was such a dear friend who always meant well unto others and she was already an amazing doctor. 

If Rey was to leave now, she supposes she should be glad that she got to meet someone like Rose. She remained a true friend even though Rey knew she’s been standoffish to everyone lately. Rose could have kept walking and pretended she didn’t see her because that's what Rey has been doing lately, but she didn’t. Rose stopped and waited with her, even though Rey was certain she must be missing a class.

“Good luck, Rey,” Rose offers quietly as if she really had a chance. 

Rey just nods. “Thank you, Rose.”

"Do you want me to wait out here?"

"No, that's alright. I'm sure it will be a while."

"Ok, well...just know I'm here if you need to talk or anything."

Rey smiles at her, turning back to give her a full hug. She missed her.

"Miss Johnson. The board is waiting," Dr. Mothma says behind her and Rey lets go of Rose and turns away. She steps inside, leaving Rose out by the wooden bench. And for whatever reason, all she can think is if she will pass it on to Ben.

Because her traitorous mind wishes he was here too.

* * *

“Ben, although I am encouraged by your pursuit for scientific discovery–”

Ben cuts Finn off before he can get too far. “You can talk to me directly, Finn. You don’t have to soften this with some academic line about bravery like some fucked up greeting card.”

Finn huffs, “Well then you already know I’m going to say it sounds really fucking risky, Ben.”

“But it’s not. Everything’s been worked out. It’ll run smoothly and quickly and all you have to do is handle the injections and the IV.”

Finn shakes his head a bit, looking unconvinced. “Yeah, but...Ben. None of us ever thought you would go through with this. Or, at least, I certainly didn't. If it doesn’t work–”

“It’s going to!” he says too loudly, getting the attention of some of their classmates. He steadies himself a bit to keep his composure and to keep his lack of sleep from revealing itself. “Nothing can go wrong.”

After all these weeks, Finn has been open to the idea but Ben can see now that Finn was more interested in the concept more than the experiment itself. He was backpedaling the past few days and Ben has to keep him engaged. Finn had one of the highest GPAs in the school and Ben needed him there.

"It went wrong when your grandfather tried it based on those journals you told me about," Finn says, his tone doubtful.

Ben shakes his head. "Yeah, but that was decades ago. The guy was unstable trying to chase after my grandmother. And besides, I told you. Nowadays, the technology alone gives us the advantage. Not to mention the dosages have been drastically changed. My grandfather wasn't a healthy man and he paid the price. I won't make the same mistakes."

"Maybe not making the same mistake means you don't do it at all. Did you ever think of that?"

Ben sighs. He doesn't understand why everyone thinks he's lost it like his grandfather. Over the summer, when he and Rey were visiting his parents, his mother asked if they could help clean out the attic of the old house and that's where Ben had found his biological grandfather's medical journals. The man was an eccentric doctor but apparently, after Ben's grandmother, Padmé, died in childbirth, Anakin became fixated on finding the answers that lied beyond death. All in pursuit to find his wife or to ensure that she was resting wherever she was. 

But in his madness, Anakin went too far and died on his own operating table...alone. Ben's mother and his uncle Luke were sent to live with some family friends and Anakin's work was considered the diaries of a mad man.

But in theory, Ben could understand what Anakin was chasing and if he had the proper help and technology, he suspects the man would have found it. After spending months thinking about it, Ben believes he's found the solution to it all in a way that ensures his safe return with the answers his grandfather might have been searching for. 

And yet, as much as he tries to make people understand that, they look at him like he was mad too. Finn looked at him like that now and Ben suspects he's going to go into his rebuttal once again.

“Ben,” Finn starts sighing again. “Is this...I mean, I’m sorry to ask. I know you haven't spoken much about it, but...is this the real reason why you and Rey broke up?”

“Finn,” Ben warns him, slumping at the mention of her name. He didn't expect that and he wasn't prepared. If he dwells on her long enough he will talk himself out of it and then all his work will be for nothing. “Please, I just want to get through today as smoothly as possible so this can all proceed as easily as I know it can. If you could just save your questions for later and–”

Suddenly there’s an arm around his shoulder as he’s interrupted. “What’s the matter, Solo?” Poe asks, coming to stand beside them as the rest of the students trickle in for class. He claps Ben on the shoulder with his usual smirk. “Are you wimping out on tonight?” he chuckles. “I knew you would. There’s no shame in it,” he chuckles to himself. 

Ben shrugs him off, “Knock it off, Poe”

Poe looks at Finn and the look seems to convey enough for Poe to understand. “So, we’re still on schedule then?”

“Yes. Why is that so hard for everyone to grasp?” Ben asks, moving aside to set his books down. “Poe, you deal with the camera. We need you to document. Don’t forget to bring it charged and with a blank tape. Finn, you'll bring the equipment and the bed. You only have to deal with the injections and Hux will bring the O2 tanks.”

“Whoa...Hux!?” Poe steps away from Ben as if he was burned. “Why the fuck is he coming?” Poe asks suddenly, louder than he should.

Ben takes his glasses off to pinch the bridge of his nose. He wasn’t in the mood to play mediator or babysitter or whatever the fuck the grown man needed. _Why can’t Poe just cooperate?_

“Because he’s a good doctor,” Ben tells him. Which was true. Hux was another top of the class student and Ben’s safest choice. And he was another friend that he felt he could trust.

His ideal first choice would have been Rey as she’s the best doctor out of any of them even though she was younger than all of them. Ben trusts her with his life as well as everything else he calls his own. It seemed only natural to delegate her in charge. 

But she would never do it. 

When that became clear, Ben had to start thinking of other options and Hux was the safest one. Ben hadn’t mentioned much of it to Poe, mainly because, for whatever reason, Poe hated Hux with a burning passion and it seemed to go beyond just scholarly competition for the highest grades.

And it seemed like Poe's hatred had only intensified within a matter of months because Ben can think of plenty of occasions where they used to all hang out without conflict. Whatever Poe’s reasoning was, _if there was any,_ it made him glare at Ben with disgust as he now knew Hux was involved.

“Oh, and we’re not qualified? You’re going to make me the cameraman when you know full well I could do it?”

“I would prefer more than just two people in attendance. Besides, I trust him. He's our friend."

"Not mine," Poe scoffs.

"What do you have against him anyway?” Ben confronts.

“You mean other than the fact he’s a major asshole?”

“Funny,” Ben says, no sign of a smile on his face. “You know, considering your own personality, I figured you two would have that in common.”

“Hardy har har, jack ass. But if you think I’m going to show up with that prick in the room then find another cameraman. Maybe you can ask the kid that lives on your floor since it’s a job for a whiney baby.”

Finn snickers, “You do realize you’re only securing your ‘whiney baby’ attitude further?”

“Oh, shut up,” Poe scoffs.

“Excuse me, gentlemen?”

All three of them stop still and look up to Dr. Sinube who was now waiting for them to be prepared like the rest of the class. Finn clears his throat, “Sorry, sir.”

“That’s alright. Just try and settle down. We have a lot to cover today.”

They all shut up and find their seats, opening their books and notes. Ben ignores the glare that Poe was giving him. And although he pretends to be listening to the lecture, in his mind he’s constantly going over the routine in his head for this evening.

He wasn’t sure what awaited him later that evening but he had to be ready. 

But then the door opens and Rose rushes in, quietly sliding in to sit on the other side of Finn. Which was odd since Rose wasn't in this class but Dr. Sinube didn't seem to notice. Ben tries to ignore it, especially once they start whispering frantically. 

But then he hears a familiar name from their conversation. 

_Rey._

Suddenly he dedicates all his attention to trying to decipher the hushed words. Ben tenses, trying to not panic as he immediately thinks the worst. _What happened? Was she okay?_ When he loses patience he leans over, nudging past Poe (probably too roughly) to poke Finn. 

“What’s going on?” he whispers.

Both of them look like they are wincing as if they are deciding whether to tell him or not. Thankfully, Finn gives in.

“Rey just met with the board," he says. Ben shakes his head, not understanding. 

He frowns, "Why?" 

Rose leans forward until Ben can see her over Finn's shoulder. "I saw her in the hall before she went in but I stayed and listened through the door," she explains and Ben just looks at her a little baffled, trying to keep up with her. He's never seen her look so frazzled.

"I don't un–"

"She's been expelled, Ben,” Rose whispers suddenly.

Everything around him goes fuzzy as he tries to compute her words. At first, he thinks there's been a mistake. It was too impossible, but then Rose explains further and he feels gutted. And he can only think of one course of action.

He needed to see her...immediately. 

Getting the information he needed from the couple, Ben gathers his notes and books and speeds for the door, ignoring the curious looks from the other students and Dr. Sinube as he looks to the note Rose had written for him. The one with Maz Kanata's address. Apparently, where Rey has been staying the past two weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter asshat Poe with TLJ level angst, cockiness, and closeted homosexuality. 
> 
> Oh and poor Rey got expelled. Much sad.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have a chat.

Rey was actually surprised it wasn’t as bad as she expected. Not that it went particularly well but at least they didn’t shout at her for two hours straight and then chase her off-campus with a scalpel. It’s probably odd that had been what she expected but maybe she’s become more cynical than usual lately. 

But she had good reason to after the past two weeks. She didn’t realize how bleak Corelia city could be before all this. She used to find so many silver linings but it was hard to do that when your boyfriend dumped you for...well, for a science experiment, he called it. Rey had another name in mind.

How embarrassing. _Everybody left eventually,_ she realized. Ben promised he wouldn’t leave her and while she knows he would insist she was the one who walked out, it’s not like he followed her. It’s not like he chased after her and told her he was wrong and that everything would be okay. 

She had expected him to. If not then, then the day after. But one day turned into two days, two days turned into a week, and then by the end of this second week, Rey was officially devastated. 

She had waited for people before and they didn’t come. She wanted Ben to come and prove that all wrong, but he hadn’t.

But that didn’t matter now. Now, she was out of school. They did compliment her for her grades, her dedication, and even Dr. Tano commended her for taking action and saving the woman’s life as quickly and efficiently as she had. But she was just one person on a board of many and Rey never stood a chance. They had to protect their insurance and their standards. They couldn’t let this slide just because she ‘got lucky’ as Dr. Mothma had put it. 

They did say that if, after some time had passed, if she wanted to apply to a different school, they could help her with certain arrangements if she still wanted to study medicine. Again, Dr. Tano was courteous in saying how impressive her progress had been despite her young age. But Rey couldn't even think about what comes next or if she was going to move and go search for another school that may end up just turning her away after they find out about the stunt she pulled today. She was too risky in terms of their insurance.

Rey sighs as she arrives back at Maz’s apartment. She knew the older nurse wouldn’t be home for hours and Rey was craving some alone time to just scream into her pillow. She’s unlocking the door when she hears someone behind her. She assumes it’s one of the neighbors but doesn’t turn around, not in the mood for conversation, but then she hears her name.

“Rey?”

Her heart falls to her stomach.

She knows it’s _him._ His voice was unlike anyone else’s. Sometimes she wonders if she’s even heard him or if she just feels his words echo through her. 

Still, she doesn’t turn around. She can’t. 

_He came._

She doesn’t look at him directly. She’s not she if she can, but she sees him there, towering in her periphery like the giant that he was.

“Rey,” he says again, although this time his voice is softer, and instantly her throat burns as she tries to swallow the sob that was trying to surge out. She forces past it, trudging past her emotions and her frustrations of the day to address him. 

“Did Rose tell you I was here?” She asks him. 

“Yeah. I made her tell me and she only caved because she’s worried about you too...especially after today.”

“So everybody heard the news then?” she asks him, still not looking at him. 

“I–” he starts and she can just imagine he’s doing that thing with his mouth when he’s chewing his words over. He clears his throat and she seems him lumber closer as he silently asks for her to look at him by stepping closer. She still refrains. “Rey, I’m so sorry.”

She shakes her head, deciding she wouldn’t like to talk about it. “It doesn’t matter. It’s done now.”

“Rey–”

“I already know what you’re going to say,” she says, reaching back for her keys in the door and turning them to open it. “I don’t need you to tell me that I threw my career away on a stranger. I made my choice and if I had to, I would do it again.”

“I wasn’t going to–”

Rey finally turns to him and when her eyes meet his, he trails off and she finally gets a proper look at him. He looks terrible. There are dark bags under his eyes and he’s paler than he usually is. Concern shoots right through her, to the point where she has to fight the urge to reach out to him.

But she stops herself. 

He closes his eyes and he runs a hand through his hair. A nervous tick of his. She hears him sigh before he speaks again, glancing down at his feet. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” he says, his voice low and quiet. Like he wasn’t capable of speaking any louder than that.

When his eyes meet hers again, she’s certain he can see the tears welling in her own, no matter how hard she tries to keep them back. 

She opens her mouth to speak but then the neighbor’s door opens and Mrs. Ramsey came out, looking grumpy as usual. Ben notices too, looking past her into the apartment. “Can I come in?” he asks softly, but it sounds more desperate than just a simple question. “I just want to talk for a minute.”

Rey could have groaned but she knows they need to talk, and she certainly didn’t want to do it with an audience of Mrs. Ramsey. She nods and he follows.

When he brushes past her in the narrow doorway, he ducks a bit and he invades her senses. She’ll never forget the way he smells. She always liked it. It was so comforting. 

He smelled like home.

But he wasn’t her home anymore. 

* * *

Ben followed Rey as she set her things down on a small table, still turned away from him. He takes in the small space. It was a little cluttered and cramped. As he sees more of it, he makes the assumption that it’s less than half the size of their apartment. 

_Their_ apartment that he now occupied alone. 

He can tell she’s avoiding even looking at him and it hurts to think that she’s so close for the first time in weeks and she’s practically miles away.

She looked tired. He knows he looks horrible but he’s gotten used to his reflection over the past two weeks. Seeing her like this broke him and he wishes he knew what to do. 

He’s never been good with people. At least not emotionally, he thinks. He knew plenty about people when it came to tissues, organs, and bones but a connection with others was always a bit fuzzier to him. Which was why he was more surprised than anyone when he met Rey and suddenly he couldn’t go two minutes without losing focus. He couldn’t believe how fast and deeply he fell for her.

But the speed of his affection had nothing to do with the strength of his feelings. She was like a piece of him that he’s been missing for too long and it would explain the longing ache that has been plaguing him since she left. 

He wonders as he looks at her now if she feels that same ache too.

“Do you want anything? Coffee or something?” she asks, moving to the kitchen after hanging up her coat on a hook. 

He leaves his coat on, knowing she hasn’t explicitly asked him to stay. “No...Thank you.”

She doesn’t say anything else but positions herself away from him so he can’t see her face.

_Fuck._ It’s tense. He can feel it in the air. All the things they aren’t saying. How could he ever attempt to fix this?

He clears his throat, stuffing his hands in his pockets like a fool as he tries to think back to the points he made in his head on the way here:

_I love you._

_I'm sorry you got expelled and the school screwed you over._

_You saved a woman's life today. I'm so proud of you. I'm always proud of you._

_I love you._

_Sometimes I smell your clothes because I’m a creep and I miss you so much._

_You know that argument we had about that project I’m working on? The one that made you leave? Well, I was going to do it tonight. Are you free? Could you stop by?_

_I love you._

_I miss you._

_Please come home._

The list went on.

Whatever he said first was going to make her angry no matter what. She hated him so he was already at fighting chances. So he gives in and tries to say something. Anything to make this unbearable silence end.

“A lot of your stuff is still at home. Coats and socks and–" _Don't say underwear!_ "...books. Other stuff you might need.”

“Well, I can come to get the rest if it’s bothering you that much,” she says, still not looking at him.

_Fuck._

“No, that’s..." Ben shakes his head, flustered that he can't seem to string any words together. "That’s not what I meant. I just thought, you know, it’s a big apartment. I could sleep on the couch and you could take the bed.”

“I’m fine here.”

He won't take that so he keeps going, offering her any options she may take. “Or I could go stay with Hux if that would make you more comfortable,” he offers quickly. His throat feeling tight, wishing she would just look at him. “I just wish you would come home.”

“I’m not-”

“You belong there," Ben interrupts her. "It doesn’t feel right there without you.”

She sighs. “Ben, I don't want to stay there alone. You insisted on paying the rent. Even though we shared it, it’s really just yours,” she says like that’s supposed to explain anything.

“No. It is _ours_!" he tells her, his voice rising as well as his tears. "And you know I have the money.”

Ben had inherited a significant sum of money when he was eighteen. Money that was set aside for him and any other grandchildren from Anakin and Padmé as well as his adoptive grandparents, Bail and Breha. But when Ben was the only grandchild, that meant he had more money than he needed but when education and city living was pricey, he quickly found a use for it. “That’s never been a problem.”

She doesn’t say anything then. She stays focused on the counter where she’s fiddling with the mug.

Taking a chance, he steps forward, already reaching for her. Unable to fight the words, they make themselves known. “I miss you,” he breathes out, his hand grasping her arm softly, practically begging her to look at him.

* * *

Her tears officially spilled over when she felt him grab her arm, gently brushing his thumb in soothing little strokes. Kind of like how he used to when they would lie in bed and he would just draw little patterns on her skin.

She sniffles and it betrays her tears instantly as she feels him step closer. So close that she can feel his breath on her neck and the warmth from his chest. 

“Sweetheart,” he whispers.

She wants to lean back and fall into him and just pretend like everything was fine. For five minutes, Rey wanted to believe everything was like it used to be not so long ago. 

But it wouldn’t be, she already knows. She knows it would be different. Just like it was that day they had the argument. When she asked him to make a choice and he didn’t choose her.

“Did you do it yet?” she asks, unable to keep the words to herself. She has to know. If he has, she supposes she’s grateful he’s here. If he hasn’t, then maybe there was still time to make him see reason.

Her question hangs in the air and she can feel the sigh he lets out as his hands fall from her arms.

“No,” he answers and for a moment, Rey wonders if he will at all. Maybe he won’t and they could work this out. But then he speaks again, shattering any chance of hope in her chest. “I was, uh...I was planning to do it tonight...actually.”

She releases the mug and it clatters on the counter but she doesn’t really care. She’s had it. She moves away covering her face with her hands. 

“Rey–” he starts.

“No,” she snaps, moving away. “Don’t start. Don’t try and convince me that _I’m_ the one overreacting about you wanting to kill yourself.”

“I’m not! You know that’s not what this is!”

“What am I supposed to think? Y-You were so reserved, for weeks, and then when I finally see what you were working on, I find out you want me to help you...help you... _fuck,_ Ben. I can’t even say it.”

He steps closer to her, holding up his hands cautiously like she was a wild animal. “This is just an experiment. I’m not suicidal. I’m not going to kill myself.”

Rey scoffs. “Right. Just for a minute. And then when the timer goes off, I’m supposed to revive you like everything’s fine. And if I fail, you’re asking me to be responsible for your death.”

“Everything will be fine,” he insists. “I’ll be back, not a scratch on me. I've worked everything out!” he says, reaching for her shoulders as if to settle her and she takes another step back. 

There are so many things that outrage her about this. That he would want to put them in this position at all irritates her so much. That he would expect her to help kill him in the pursuit of science or chasing after his grandfather's legacy. Whatever it is, Ben is looking for answers that Rey would gladly forgo if it meant they were all alive at the end of the day. But as he stands there, she settles for the quickest and most obvious issue that his scientific mind might actually consider. Clearly her feelings weren’t getting through to him.

“Ben, you could get brain damage,” she cries, his form going blurry in her vision. She suspects that Anakin might have suffered severe brain damage to make him write in his journals the way he did. To even attempt the things he was trying to do.

“Not with a body temperature of eighty-six degrees,” Ben says in quick defense. “You looked at my notes. You know it’ll work out. It's not like I haven't changed everything from the initial notes we found in the attic. I've taken every precaution and I know it's going to work. I know I can do this.”

She shakes her head. “Why? What are you really doing this? To prove to everyone that your grandfather was on to something?”

“Because it will be an amazing scientific discovery. Think of the possibilities if we are able to prove activity after death and what it–”

“No,” Rey interrupts him, not wanting to hear his sales pitch again. “Why would you risk your life for these answers? You want to risk it all to what? To prove that your grandfather wasn't crazy? I mean, I understand what happened to him was a tragedy but do you think this is the legacy or example he wanted to leave for his grandson? Do you think your grandfather would want you to do this? Or your parents for that matter? Did you even think about them and what that would do to your mother?" she asks him, her tears persisting as she thinks of all the weight this carries. The pain that not only would hang over her but everyone that loved Ben. "Ben, why...why would you risk leaving?”

_Why would you risk leaving me?_ She doesn’t voice but it hangs in the air and his expression deepens. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he says, this time quieter. “You were the one that walked out,” he reminds her.

_How dare he–_

“Because I thought that would make you realize how serious this is. I thought you would realize that your life is worth more than any sort of fame or book deal you’re hoping to get with this and you could back away before it was too late.”

He shakes his head as if he’s scoffing at the idea. “That’s not why I’m doing this!”

“Then why are you?! I don’t understand!” she cries. If he was doing this to prove something on his grandfather's behalf, that was foolish. From what Rey gathered, Anakin Skywalker was a very sick man who was grieving so badly over his wife that he ended up just like her. And yet, when Ben read the man's medical journals, he seemed to think his work was just before his time and could finally be successful given the advancements.

“I...I thought that…” Ben trails off and he looks like a deer in headlights. 

_Shit,_ she thinks to herself. He's so far gone. He really must think he’s being a novel scientist and this is all in the pursuit of knowledge or defending his grandfather's sanity. In his journey to prove his grandfather's theories, it would cost Ben his life.

“You’re doing this for you,” she answers for him. “You’re doing this because you think you’re expendable in terms of discovery. But just because you’re willing to risk your life doesn’t mean I am. You can’t ask me to just let you go through with this when I understand what’s at stake. I just want to protect you. You may think you’re expendable but you're not! Not to me!”

Ben may think he's doing this to defend his family. But Ben was _her_ family and if she lost him...she can’t even fathom it. She had gotten a glimpse at it within the past few weeks by not being with him and living here instead. But that was different, she knows, than actually losing him. If he dies...she would never forgive herself.

Ben looks at her with his jaw slack. Like he doesn’t know what to say. He stands there for a long time, looking at her, opening his mouth to speak but nothing coming out. And then he steps back towards the table. She thinks he’s gathering his things to leave. That he’s going to walk away and her heart is already breaking. She wonders if this is how he felt when he watched her pack up some things and leave just a number of weeks ago. Her tears fall over her cheeks as she wonders why it had to be like this.

He hunches over his books and she can see him writing something hastily. She thinks she hears him sniffle like he might be crying too. 

And then he stands, folding a small piece of paper in his hands before grabbing his books and turning back for her. He keeps his head down but when he looks back at her, his eyes are red and it becomes more noticeable than the dark circles she noticed earlier. 

“I’m…” he starts, shaking his head briefly before continuing. “I’m sorry about today. I'm so fucking sorry about the school. That's unfair and unjust. You saved her life and it was irresponsible for them to turn you away from medicine when you're the best student the school had ever seen."

"Ben–"

"No. You are!" he insists. "Everyone knows it. I know it with all that I am and that's why I want you to understand that what I'm doing is going to work."

His hands finally do perch on her shoulders as he stands before her and she just looks up to him as he carries on.

"Listen, I'm sorry I’m not who you need me to be. I’m sorry I’m not who you deserve. But I want you to know that I–I'm not going to end up like my grandfather. I'm taking every precaution. The chances of things going wrong are, _statistically,_ microscopic. And I trust you more than anyone and I just want you to trust me. I want you to trust me with this because I do know what I’m doing. ”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you," Rey says, shaking her head at him. Annoyed that he would think this has anything to do with trust. " _I do trust you!_ It’s that I don’t want to lose you like your mother and uncle lost their father!”

His lip trembles before his mouth opens and she can almost predict his next words. _You're not going to lose me,_ she imagines in his voice. But he doesn't say it. Instead, he reaches down for her hand, cradling it tenderly in his own for a moment before he placed the paper in her palm. “This is the time and place where we're going to be.”

She understands what he’s saying and it spears her right through. _He’s inviting her._ She’s already shaking her head. “Ben–”

“Please,” he says quickly. “Please, just think about it. It’s gonna be fine. I promise you.”

Her shoulders slump in defeat and more tears fall. He's made his choice. He wasn't going to back away from this. 

He reaches up, cupping her cheek and brushing her tears away with his thumb. She gasps at the contact. It’s so minor but very gentle. _Very him._ It makes her want to crumble. She hasn’t felt his touch in so long and she misses him so much. She nearly tells him that, just like he had told her the same minutes earlier. 

But then he dives down, kissing her fiercely. 

Her breath catches but as soon as it started, it was over as he pulls away. “I love you,” he breathes against her lips. 

And then, in an instant, he moves away from her entirely without another word and heads for the door before her mind could catch up with her.

He was gone again. 

Her lip trembles and she looks down to the paper in her hand, finding an address and a time scrawled out in his familiar handwriting.

_It’s gonna be fine. I promise you,_ he had said.

_He still loves me,_ Rey thought to herself. But he still wants to go through with something that she had asked him not to do. And he won’t budge on it. 

Overwhelmed and exhausted, Rey breaks into sobs.

* * *

Ben stormed into his apartment, slamming his books on the table and bracing the wood with his hands. His tears had been fogging his eyes the entire walk home and he had worn his sunglasses to hide it as well as he could, but now they came unrequited. 

He wasn’t prepared to see her like that. She looked so tired and just...sad. She had just got expelled from school for saving a woman’s life. She was alone in that tiny apartment which given the size and number of doors he saw, he guessed she was sleeping on the couch. 

Not long ago, he would have been the first to know about it and he would have been the one waiting outside that office to greet her with open arms and bring her home. They would have gone to the couch and he would have held her while she cried and they talked through it all and bad mouthed all the stupid rules and insurance policies that made it happen. 

_But no._

She was alone. As was he. He left her alone like a dumbass because he knew she would talk him out of doing the experiment. And yet he couldn’t leave without kissing her, _like an idiot._ But he couldn’t help it. He missed her so much and he hated seeing her cry. 

And now _he’s_ fucking crying. 

He’s always been emotional. He was an angry kid. But Rey awakened something new in him. Emotions he didn’t even know he was capable of blossomed and now they were wilting. Because no matter how stressful her day had been, ultimately, he’s the one that hurt her. He’s the one that made her feel bad. 

And to think she might just come back if he didn’t do it tonight. 

But he wonders if he’s really what’s good for her anyway. She deserved better than him. Ben knew it. Hux knew it. Ben knows Finn and Rose would never outwardly say it. They’re too nice but they must think it. 

He meant what he said. Rey was a more promising doctor than anyone they went to school with. She was an amazing student. She had a caring and nurturing nature that could make anyone smile. She always knew how to be with people. She was the most compassionate person he ever met and if anyone was going to break the intern’s rule by operating to save the life of a woman in the emergency room, it was her. 

And Ben knows that if anyone was going to break through his rigid exterior and find themselves in his heart, naturally it would have been her. That’s why he got the tattoo on his chest because he already knew she would be the only one for him.

He groans to himself, unwinding the scarf from his neck, just holding it in his hands for a moment. Some of his tears fall on the knitting and Ben scoffs at himself. Crying over fabric as if it embodied her. 

He didn’t think that so much of her anger was based solely on fear of losing him rather than not trusting him like he thought it was. But whatever trust she had in him must be gone now. 

And as much as he loved her, as much as he wanted to fix everything, he also came to realize how much he was capable of hurting her. Just because he needs her doesn't mean he should burden her with how he is. He didn’t want to hurt her any further and he regrets now giving her that paper. Maybe he shouldn’t have given her a reason to think another minute about him when she deserved so much better. But maybe he was selfish and when unsure what to say, he gave her a note, a kiss, and a confirmation of his feelings. Confirmation that he loves her. 

_Because he loves her so much._

And to see her so upset and knowing he purposely left her there...he shakes his head, to himself mostly. 

He gives a heavy sigh, wiping at his face, walking through to the bedroom. He pulls off his shirt, throwing it on the bed before stepping into the bathroom and turning on the shower. 

Maybe the water would help him clear his head. 

He could already feel his doubts starting to shadow his mind about tonight and he needed to move forward. He was confident in his work and he knew it wouldn’t fail. He wasn't going to make the same mistakes Anakin did. If anything, Ben could prove that Anakin's work, although eccentric and difficult to swallow at first, was plausible and revolutionary in nature. Not only in terms of physical science but in everything. 

But Anakin was driven mad with grief. Ben can tell from the journals he found in his mom's attic that Anakin believed if he died because of his work, then at least he was doing it chasing after his wife. Even Ben could see that the man was unhealthy to be so careless with such a large experiment, especially with two young children. 

Anakin had no right to sacrifice so much knowing modern science of his time wouldn't comply with him. And Ben can see why Rey thinks he's sacrificing himself just to defend his family but Ben really believes it can be done. And given the modern advancements of his own time and the capabilities of the people he has chosen to help him, it didn't seem as desperate and aggressive as Anakin's approach to the experiment. Anakin's was too personal and he didn't know when he as going to far. But Ben was clinical and everything about this procedure this evening was controlled down to the second. 

It couldn't go wrong.

And yet, even when he’s freshly clean out of the shower and dressed again, he feels the same as before.

Standing aimlessly in their bedroom, he looks to a photo of them on the bookshelf. One that Rose had taken of them at the New Year’s Party at Poe’s place. 

They looked so happy. So in love.

He looks to the jacket he was wearing and if he studies closely enough he can see the outline of the little box he had kept in his pocket. The little box sitting in the back of his sock drawer.

Stepping to the dresser and digging through the socks, he finds it and holds it up, inspecting the little ring inside and wishing he had the chance to give it to her. Even if they didn't get married, he got it for her. It was _already_ hers. 

He had gotten it two months after they started dating. That's how certain he has always been about her. But he didn't want to scare her away and Hux told him to just reach smaller goals first before he asked her. But the longer he went without doing it, Ben came up with more excuses to wait until they were done with school. 

But he still carried it with him on occasion, New Year's Eve included, where he was compelled to just throw caution to the wind and ask her anyway. 

But now, dead or alive, expelled or graduated, Ben thinks that he might be the worst thing for Rey even if the best thing for him was her. 

Looking down at the photo and the little jewelry box, he sighs to himself as he slumps down at his desk. He looks at his typewriter for only a moment before he decides and he set the items aside, deciding to write out everything he seemed unable to say. Even if she never read it, it helped him to lay it all out and assure her that no matter what, his feelings wouldn't change.

_Dear Rey…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, I don't know either


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback chapter to two weeks prior. The day Ben and Rey broke up.
> 
> I wasn't planning to write a flashback chapter but I thought it would help give us some insight of what happened that day and how Rey discovered this. 
> 
> Warnings for unrealistic sex in a library of two idiots that took the phrase, "get a room" too literally.

**_Two weeks earlier_ **

Rey couldn’t find the stool so she pressed to her toes, trying to get a book from the top shelf. But then she looks over her shoulder to see Ben approaching. Settling back to the ground, she smiles, surprised but glad to see him. 

“Can you pass me the blue one?” she asks, pointing to the spine as well as she could.

She already knows he gets plenty of enjoyment being as tall as he is. He grabs it without conflict and presents it to her with a small smile of his own.

“Thank you,” she tells him, kissing him on the cheek in greeting and in gratitude. 

“I was looking for you,” he tells her. “Rose said you were here.”

She huffs. “I have a paper in Tano’s class. I needed to pick up some things.”

“Mmm,” Ben hummed. “Do you need help?”

Rey snickers, flipping through the book a bit. “Only for top-shelf items,” she says before looking up at him, pausing slightly when he looks a little distracted which has become increasingly common within the past few weeks. 

She cradles the book with the others in her arms, now staying focused on him. “Ben, are you sure you’ve been feeling alright?” she asks, bringing a hand to his face. He’s been so reserved lately, claiming he was just feeling overwhelmed. He had just started his last year of school so she totally understood, even if she already missed their long summer days. 

He shrugs, “I’m fine. I’m just feeling busy.” His answer isn’t overly convincing but she knows he’s tired.

“And yet you came to help me get books?” she chuckles, bringing a hand to his face. As she does, his eyes close as he leans into her touch. 

“I always like helping you,” he says, his eyes still closed.

She smiles, admiring his thoughtfulness but is more concerned about his wellbeing. “Maybe you should go home and take a nap. Hux can give you the notes for Windu's.”

He shakes his head and his hands reach out for her waist, pulling her closer. “No, I'm okay. I'm headed there next. But I wanted to talk to you and I forgot you had to get to the hospital early,” he tells her, diving down to kiss her softly. “I missed you this morning.” He presses his forehead to hers.

Rey smiled. “I missed you too,” she tells him. She had to report to the ward early this morning. It was still dark when she left. He was still asleep when she left him with a kiss on his head this morning. “I wish I could have stayed,” she breathes as he kisses her again.

“Mmm,” Ben agrees, humming against her lips. Rey smiles, one of her hands trailing up to his hair.

As innocent as they start, gradually, their kisses start to linger and his hands start to hold tighter to her.

Her mind catches up with her as she recalls where they are. She pulls away. 

“What did you want to talk to me about?” she whispers.

“Hmm?” he hums dreamily, his forehead pressed against hers just as someone else rounds the stacks to walk down their way. Another med student. 

The man glances at them and how they are positioned and just smirks before he pointedly looks to the shelves instead. Ben rolls his eyes but Rey gathers her books, pulling him along and out of the open.

The fourth level of the library was always more scarce than the other floors and it was definitely the quietest. Rey finds one of the independent study rooms unoccupied and pushes him in. 

As soon as the door is closed, he discards his own books on the desk behind them and then he’s kissing her again and Rey doesn’t even remember if he answered her question or not. And in that moment, she doesn’t care. She just wants to take what they can.

Since school started, they’ve been so busy and usually, by the time they make it home, they’re exhausted. Not that any of that exactly justified what they were doing in the middle of the library but Rey didn’t think much about that. She was just glad he was here.

His hands slide further down, past her ass, until he chuckles softly, attempting to pull away. “Rey, I–”

“How long until your class starts?” she rasps out, throwing her books aside too. Her voice is low even to her own ears.

He looks down at his watch. “Fifteen minutes,” he says. When he meets her eyes again, he finally understands what she’s really asking. The corners of his mouth quirk up, his voice deep. “Here?”

She presses to her toes, wrapping her arms around his neck as she nods. “If you wanted to.”

His confirmation comes in a breathy chuckle as he quickly pulls her against him. His hands start pulling up on the long fabric of her dress that went to her calves. When he has it bunched near her hips, his hands slide past the back of her thighs and he picks her up. She giggles, wrapping around him as he presses her against the door. 

Rey pushes at his jacket over his shoulders and he helps discard it until they hear it fall to the floor. 

Turning around, he deposits her onto the desk behind them, staying firmly between her legs. It rivals the height of their counters at home, she thinks. She smirked, recalling the last time they had put their counters to similar use.

He pushes her sweater back so it falls to the desk and then unbuttons the top few buttons of her dress before he must get impatient and leave it be. Feeling too rushed to bother with her bra.

Instead, his hands trail lower, back under the hem of her dress. His fingers brush against her center and she gasps.

“ _Quiet,_ sweetheart,” he warns her. She can hear the smirk in his voice as he tucks his fingers into her waistband, pulling her underwear down her legs.

She retaliates, her own hands sneaking between them as she fumbled with his belt and pants. When she palms the growing bulge in his boxers he moans into her shoulder. 

“ _Quiet,_ yourself,” she smiles.

She feels his breath fan out over her skin, heavy and panting but she can still make out the breathy chuckle he gives. 

_She loves him._

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he breathes out just as they align themselves at last. She means to retort back with some stupid banter but then he presses into her and she moans out. 

Ben quickly dives to kiss her, muffling the noise. 

The walls of these rooms were thin and there was no lock on the door. They should be careful but at this point, _careful_ was the last thing on their minds.

And yet, they didn’t care.

Rey clung to him, meeting his hips as he thrust into her. One of his hands was supporting her lower back while the other was holding fast to her leg, keeping it hooked behind him, high in his hip.

It was wild and desperate and yet very tender all at once. And maybe the fact that it was the last thing they should be doing in the library made it feel all that more amazing.

He presses kisses to her shoulder when her sleeve falls down her arm. “Rey,” he breathes out. “You’re so beautiful,” he says inbetween kisses.

Rey throws her arm over his shoulders and hooked around his neck, keeping him as close as she can while her other hand moves behind her on the desk to help give them better leverage.

“Ben,” she moans softly, her legs tightening around him more so as it builds higher and higher.

“I got you,” he breathes against her skin, his face hidden to her. His pace quickens and she gasps as her eyes screw shut and she sees sparks dance across her vision.

Ben’s mouth suddenly slots over hers to conceal the noise, not just from her, but from himself as well, Rey realizes, as he groans against her and she feels him spill inside her. His hips give a few more unsteady and slowing thrusts before he sighs against her mouth, his body spent. 

Rey brings her hands to his cheeks, kissing him as sweetly as she can with how sloppy it actually is, hoping it said everything her heavy breathing wouldn’t allow her to. He nods in understanding, his nose nudging against her own as they both smile.

“I missed doing that,” she admits to him, thinking it’s been a few weeks since they were last together and this alone seemed to erase the tension she felt within her lately.

“Fuck,” he mutters, catching his breath, still pressing his forehead to hers, a little sweaty. “Me too. I...I didn’t realize it’s been so long.”

"You've been working so hard," she tells him, winded.

His eyes meet hers then and he almost looks guilty. "I know," he admits. "I'm sorry."

She just kisses him again softly, hoping he knew she understood. Their lives were busy. 

He pulls out of her, setting her gently on the ground before tucking himself back in his pants and buckling his belt. She stands before him on wobbly legs, her dress back down at her calves and helping to fix his clothes while he fixes the buttons of her dress. As she reaches back for her sweater he dives to retrieve his jacket on the floor and chuckles as he discovers her underwear strewn on top of it. He presents them to her but when she takes them back, she tucks them into his pocket.

He gives a scandalized but pleased sort of smile, making no move to deter her. He still looks tired but now he looks sated and he’s smiling again and she loves it. 

She reaches up to tame his hair as well as she can, thankful when he ducks a bit so she can reach better.

Before she’s done, she tucks some of it behind one of his ears with a smirk but he whines. “You know the rules. No ears,” he reminds her, shaking his head enough to hide them again beneath his hair. 

She giggles at how boyish he looks suddenly. She knew his ear rule and how he always tried to conceal how big they were but she honestly loved them. She thought he was beautiful.

Of course, she’s told him that endless times but he always kind of blushed, proving her point further. It was more rewarding than anything but she doubts anyone else at this school would think Ben was even capable of blushing. Ben’s general reputation at this school was that he was a reserved and usually grumpy man who had a girlfriend who seemed to be the polar opposite of him and the only thing they had in common were their grades. 

But Rey got to see the real him and she knows that he can be just as smiley as she is when he wants to be and she marvels in it, feeling like she hasn’t gotten to see it enough since the semester began about a month ago.

He’s been so focused and busy. Not that she hasn’t been but Ben has been swamped. It’s then that she recalls the true reason they sought out privacy in the first place and she realizes he never did answer her question. 

“What were you trying to tell me before?” she asks, brushing away imaginary dust from his chest as he combed through her hair with his fingers, setting it to rights 

He looks like he’s forgotten too as his eyes recall their earlier words. “Oh, I um..." he shakes his head, settling his hands back on her waist, away from her hair, trying to think of the words. "It’s kind of hard to explain,” he says, looking down at his feet but she sees him purse his lips as he seems to think of how.

She reaches for his hands. “It’s alright. Why don’t you tell me later then? I don’t want you to be late to class.”

He looks ready to shake his head before she mentions his class and he looks at his watch. “Shit. You’re right,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Hux is probably waiting for me.”

“Go on, then,” she says, giving him a soft kiss on the underside of his jaw. “I’ll see you when you get home. I can order take-out,” she pats his chest affectionately, hoping he wouldn’t stress himself out too much so she tries to make him smile again. “Thank you for defiling the library with me.”

Ben snorts as he gathers his own books. “Something tells me it was defiled long before us but it was my pleasure.” He squeezes her hand one more time before he turns for the door. “I’ll see you later.”

“Oh wait,” she stops him, scrambling for her purse and pulling out his glasses. “I accidentally brought them with me to the hospital this morning,” she passes them to him.

He smirks, raising an eyebrow. “‘Accidentally?’” he asks skeptically, placing them on his face.

Her jaw hangs open in mock offense before she quickly gives in. “Okay, fine. I stole them,” she admits and he laughs and she internally rejoices at the noise.

She loves his glasses. Ben has offered before to buy her an identical pair for herself but she claimed that her eyes weren’t bad enough to need glasses anyway. But they both knew that was a lie so she ended up using his. 

And he always let her.

He steps before her one more time and cradles her face in his hands. She thinks he’s going to tease her for it but his face remains very sincere. She smiles at him, admiring how he looks in his glasses but still seeing traces of his exhaustion that was there even before what they did in this room. Her lingering worry for him flares a little but then he just kisses her once more. This time more chastely but she stills revels in it until he pulls away.

“I love you,” she reminds him.

“I love you, too,” he says before turning back to the door. “I’ll see you at home, sweetheart.”

When he leaves, Rey slumps to the stool to get off her legs that were feeling weak. She chuckles to herself for a moment, feeling a mix of surprise and delight at what they had just done in the library of all places. 

She tries to speculate what he wanted to share with her later. She hoped everything was okay. He works himself too hard sometimes. He can be so hard on himself. Which she was guilty of too, _everyone was,_ but Ben couldn’t always recognize when he has exceeded his own limits.

But as she’s trying to straighten her things and the books she hastily threw aside when they entered, she realizes Ben did the same because one of the books wasn’t hers.

But as she takes a closer look, she realizes it isn’t a book at all. 

_It was a journal._

Her heart hammers as she recognizes it as Anakin Skywalker’s journal. The same one they found when they were cleaning out the attic at his parent’s house that summer.

She thought he stashed it away on a shelf as they were both a little disturbed by what they found.

_So was it here? Why did Ben keep it and why would he be carrying it around? Why would he be sticking post-its on pages with dozens of notes about…_

Rey’s heart drops as she reads through Ben’s additions and suddenly, it practically slaps her in the face.

_No. Ben wouldn’t. He’d have to be crazy._

But then she sees all the revisions he’s made to Anakin’s process, supposedly improving it as he tries to account for multiple variables. More notes reveal themselves, tucked and folded between the pages. All with Ben's handwriting. She flips frantically through them all as she sees what he's been so busy with lately.

Her ears ring and she can’t quite fathom it all. It didn’t seem real.

Suddenly the door opens again and she spins around, expecting it to be Ben returning for the journal and she's ready to shout at him, the quiet of the library be damned, but then she realizes it was just Mitaka.

"Oh, sorry, Rey. I didn't know you were in here."

Sniffling, she turns back around, not wanting him to see how upset she was. "It's fine. I was just leaving."

"Hey, are you okay?" he asks, sounding concerned.

Trying to stay calm, Rey gathers her things and the journal in her arms, turning to leave. "I'm fine, Dopheld. Just feeling a little tired," she lies, forcing a smile as she shoulders past him, staying as composed as she can.

"Yeah," Mitaka chuckles. "Med school is killer."

Rey tries to force a smile but it makes her tears resurge as she thinks back to Ben's notes, thinking suddenly how cruel of a joke it was too. That Mitaka's words were suddenly too accurate and it was all too much. She races out of there trying to convince herself that Ben was just a problem solver. If anything, he was only making corrections for a hypothetical situation.

It didn’t stop her from shaking.

* * *

When Ben arrived to class, after rushing across campus, Hux just gave him an odd look when he scrambled in but seemed to see right through him as he cleared the seat next to him. 

“Did you meet up with Rey?” he asks, smirking.

Ben refuses to let his cheeks heat up. “Shut up.”

“Did you tell her?’

Ben swallows, not answering as he sets out his notebook and opens his textbook to the same page as Hux. Hux who got annoyed if he knew he was being ignored. 

“Solo, you have to tell her!" he says, figuring out that he hadn't told her after all. "You and I both know you need her there. Beyond just moral support or whatever ‘support’ she just finished giving you.”

Ben smacks him lightly on the arm, mostly because he’s right but he doesn’t like feeling so transparent. He wishes he wasn’t so obvious but when it came to Rey, Hux could always see right through him. 

“Sorry,” Hux apologizes. “But it’s true.”

Ben sighs. “I just know how she is. She won’t like it and I need to think of the best way to approach her about it.”

“Well, there’s not really a handbook for how to do it, so I suggest you just explain it the same way you explained it to me.”

“ _I know,"_ Ben snaps at him, not enjoying Hux's relationship advice or whatever advice this categorized as. "I told her we would talk when I got home.”

Hux shakes his head. “Ben–”

“Just leave it, please,” he begs. “It’s going to be fine.”

Hux doesn’t look convinced but drops it for now. Ben finally takes a deep breath as he looks to Dr. Windu at the front of the class as he started the lecture. 

But Ben finds that he can’t quite focus. His mind still in the library. 

He didn’t plan for that to happen. He wanted to see her and talk to her. Possibly plant the seeds for the discussion he’s been putting off. The experiment that he’s been putting together.

But then he kissed her and his need for her was undeniable. By the time they were in the study room and he knew she felt the same, he was overcome with desire.

Reaching in his pocket, he feels the fabric of her underwear hidden away and he fights to hide the smile and blush on his face.

Rey was incredible. He hated to leave her there alone, wishing they could just go home and talk or carry on with what they started in the library.

He internally scoffed at himself, knowing Hux was right. He needed to tell Rey what he wanted to do. He shuffles through his things, wanting to look over his notes again. He feels like he's finally got everything worked out but he wanted her to overlook the details. He needed her expertise and insight and–

Ben pales, his heart beating faster as he’s looking through his same few things but it wasn't there. The journal was missing. Everything else fades out. He can only hear his pounding heartbeat.

He’s been keeping his grandfather’s journal with him lately, ironing out everything he needed to when it came to the experiment. He’s stuck plenty of his own notes in, trying to compensate for his own safety and the current technology that Anakin didn’t have at the time. But now, Ben didn’t have it and he tries to think where he had it last.

 _Fuck. I really need a backpack,_ he screams at himself.

He’s pretty sure he had it when he went to look for Rey in the library but he can’t recall having it after that.

Which meant it was either still on that desk...or Rey had found it.

Instantly, he closes his books, starting to gather everything and sticking the pen over his ear. He had to get it back if it was there, or if Rey found it...he had to explain. 

Hux looks to him with furrowed brows. “What the fuck are you doing? Sit down,” he urges him.

“I got to go,” Ben tells him, not having the patience or the subtly to explain. He pushes past him, ready to leave. But then he stops in his tracks as he hears his name.

“Mr. Solo,” Dr. Windu calls out from the front of the room. His voice is steady as always but it has a hint of sternness to it that makes Ben feel like he’s in trouble. Like suddenly he’s five years old. “Are we boring you?” he asks, his face very serious.

The other students all turn to look at him, all except for Hux who was just shaking his head with a hand on his forehead.

Ben instinctively pushes his hand in his pocket, paranoid that Rey’s underwear was visible but the act alone makes his face heat up as they all watch him.

“N-No,” Ben clears his throat. “Of course not. I just–”

“Is there an imminent reason that requires you to leave my class, or disrupt it for that matter?” he asks, gesturing to the other students. Poe smirks at him from the other side of the room, shaking his head just to mess with him.

“Uh, no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to–”

“Then do you think you can let me continue with my lecture?” Dr. Windu asks. 

Ben’s mouth hangs open as he thinks of his grandfather’s journal not in his possession. He panics, thinking of a random stranger picking it up. And he frets even further as he thinks of Rey with it and what she must be thinking. He needed to leave.

But then Dr. Windu’s voice booms from the front of the room and everyone flinches a little. “Take a seat, young Solo.”

The man wasn’t even shouting. His composure remained as it had before but he had a way about him that could be really intimidating when he wanted to be. So, Ben found himself plummeting back down to his seat, embarrassed and still uneasy from his revelation.

“What the hell was that?” Hux whispers, not quite looking at him. 

Ben just shakes his head, not answering. Hux just huffs and focuses back on the lecture. 

As soon as Windu dismisses the class, Ben jolts up once again and speeds back to the library. He bolts for the fourth floor, passing through the shelves to the room they had been in.

However, when he burst through the door, he finds someone else already there and they jolt.

“Sorry,” Ben apologizes to the man before his vision clears enough to recognize him. It was another classmate of his. Mitaka.

Mitaka chuckles, covering a hand to his chest. “Shit, Ben. You scared me.”

Ben chuckles nervously, stepping forward to look around the small space for the journal. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

“Is, uh...everything okay?” Mitaka asks, looking at him oddly as he hadn’t left yet. 

“No, yeah,” he says far too high pitched. “Everything fine. I just uh…” he looks over Mitaka’s shoulder to the desk. 

The desk he and Rey had sex on just a few hours earlier and now, here was Mitaka, studying and working away none the wiser.

Ben pushes past that to get the words out. “I was using this room earlier and I think I left one of my books behind.”

 _Using this room?_ Ben repeats in his head a moment later, wanting to smack himself.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Mitaka says with a shake of his head and taking another look around. “But you know, Rey was in here when I came in. She took everything with her I'm pretty sure.”

_Fuck._

Ben clears his throat. "How long ago was that?"

Mitaka shrugs, looking to his watch. "Maybe four-thirty or so. A few hours."

Ben should feel relieved but he doesn’t. Because this means what could have been a discussion would become a confrontation. 

“Well, thanks anyway. Sorry to barge in on you,” he tells him.

“Don’t worry about it,” he waves it off. “Tell Rey that I hope she feels better. She sure got out of here in a hurry.”

Ben gulps at the man's words, his heart beating quicker as he can only imagine how it all played out. But to Mitaka, he just nods. “Will do." He's not even capable of faking a smile before stepping out and closing the door behind him. 

He sighs to himself as he realizes what comes next. He planned to tell her when he got home. It was a sensitive topic and based on what they discussed when they initially found the journal, he knew Rey would be upset that he was just carrying it with him, not to mention the dozens of notes and post-its he had tucked inside it.

As he rushes back to their apartment, he imagines the worst.

And that’s about what he walked into when he arrived home and found her at the table with red eyes and his notes and the journal splayed out in front of her. 

He stood frozen across from her as he took in the scene and she just shook her head before she looked up at him. In the years he’s known her and all the time that they’ve been together, he’s never seen her look at him the way she was now.

Like she was actually afraid of him. It struck him like a blow to the chest 

“Rey,” he croaks out.

“Is this what you were going to tell me?” she asks suddenly, her voice strained like she’s been crying. 

He opens his mouth to answer but can’t seem to find the words. But to Rey, it’s answer enough. 

She sobs out, pushing away from the table and turning away from him. 

From that point on, everything sort of became a blur and maybe that’s because his own tears had emerged and made it all a mess.

He tried to explain, he tried to tell her he was being careful and that everything was going to be fine. But she wouldn’t listen. And when she walked out with a few days worth of clothes, claiming she needed to get away for a while, he felt frozen. 

He didn’t know what to do. 

Maybe that’s why he did nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh, this was so stupid. I hate to see these kids fight. 
> 
> This didn't really come together as well as I wanted it to and I got lazy with it but luckily, the next chapter is pretty much already written so I'll upload it soon. 
> 
> Thank you for reading<3!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to the current timeline.
> 
> This chapter has a lot of that movie science in it. I'm sure it's bullshit but I just ride the coattails of Kiefer's instructions when he does the same thing. So, it goes without saying, don't try any of this at home, kids!

In the hours following Ben’s brief visit, Rey remained fairly stationary. When her tears dried out and she just sat at the table holding her head in her hands, she must have read the little scrap of paper over forty times. 

_Corelia Natural History Museum–_ _9 PM_

She knew the museum was in the process of being refurbished. It’s been closed for a while now but Ben must think it’s the proper setting that had enough space and power to conduct his experiment discreetly. 

She sets it down on the table, trying and failing to brush away her tears, even crying over his penmanship because, for whatever reason, she missed that too.

Rey thought back to the day they had the argument. She remembers being so worried about him because he had been so distracted. Whenever she asked if he was alright he just said he was feeling really swamped and she had understood. They had just started the new semester and this was Ben's final year at the University. She related to his strife and just told him that if he needed help, to tell her.

Rey covers her face, thinking back to the day of their argument. How he had tracked her down in the library to tell her something but instead of talking they ended up getting carried away on one of the desks in an independent study room. And suddenly what he said in the heat of the moment, driven by lust, hits her with an all-new meaning.

_"You're going to be the death of me."_

_Was that true?_ Rey asks herself.

She had looked over his notes when she found what he was really working on. She was so furious that he had gone so far beyond just the hypothetical. And she wishes so badly she could think of something, some flaw that she could reveal to him so he wouldn’t go through with it. But for whatever reason, his mind was made up and tonight he was going to go through with it. 

She thinks of calling Armitage and snapping at him. To convince him to talk Ben out of it but he was more clinical than Ben was. If anything he was probably encouraging it.

She nearly convinced herself to call his mother about a week ago and almost considers doing it again, but just conveying the story alone could scare the poor woman to death and Rey didn’t want to lose Leia in her pursuit to not lose Ben. 

She could try Finn or Poe but he wonders if Ben would listen to them. If he isn’t listening to her, then the only person that could stop him is himself. And she already knows he won’t.

So she considers her next options. 

He gave her the location and the time. She could go. She could arrive and give him and whoever else involved a piece of her mind.

Or maybe...maybe for a moment she just entertains the idea that regardless, this evening, Ben was going to go through with this and when he did, the chance that he doesn't make it back without her being there spears her through. It's not that she didn't trust Hux and Finn or Poe if he managed to convince him too. But Ben means more to her than anyone and she would give everything she has to bring him back.

If only to ensure that he survives, maybe she had no choice but to be there.

Maybe she should–

“Rey?”

She sits up, looking to see Maz watching her from the kitchen. Rey didn’t even hear her come in. 

“Hi,” she says weakly, wiping at her eyes and covering the note with her hand. “You’re home early.”

Maz looks at her liked she’s a kicked puppy. “I heard what happened, Rey.”

Rey’s head sinks further. Apparently, everyone heard the news.

“I’m so sorry, my dear.” The older nurse comes closer, wrapping an arm around her. Rey was sitting down and even then, Maz had to reach a bit to match her height. Rey leans against her shoulder, taking in the feeling of being held once again. She didn't realize how badly she craved to be held. 

“For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing,” Maz says, pulling away to sit in the chair beside her, keeping a hand over hers. “And that’s how I know you’re my favorite," she smiles. "Because no matter the cost, you helped that poor woman,” she smiles, bringing a hand to the same cheek Ben had held just hours earlier. “I’m awfully proud of you. You should be proud. And if a school doesn’t want a doctor like you...then fuck ‘em. You’re better off.”

Rey forces a chuckle, gratuitous for Maz’s words but feeling undeserving of them. 

She just feels so frustrated and as much as she appreciates Maz’s comfort, she just wants to forget all of today. She wants to forget the past two weeks and pretend she was back home and that Ben was being rational and they were just sitting on the couch. This could have been a regular Friday and they were sitting on the couch with take-out and watching a movie like she wished they did the evening after the library.

Her tears resurge, feeling defeated after the longest fucking day and it was still going. 

“Oh, darling,” Maz says, getting up again and finding some tissues. “Here you go.”

Rey tries to say thank you but can’t seem to speak. She just takes a tissue and buries her face in it as if she could hide away from everything. But she can’t. She knew it was all still there.

That’s when she seems to find some words that break through on their own admission. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore.”

“Well, you don’t have to know. You’re still a baby compared to an old geezer like me. Plenty of time to breathe and sort things out,” Maz says assuringly, patting her on the shoulder. Rey just stares down at her hands, unsure if Maz’s words really applied to her no matter how well-intentioned she meant them to be. 

But then Maz brings her fingers up to her chin, pulling her up so she meets her eyes once again. “Oh,” she breathes out. “I see...You’re thinking of your young man, aren’t you?”

Rey huffs. “Am I that obvious?”

“Just to me. I can always tell what plagues people as soon as I get a good look in their eyes. And my dear, your eyes…” Maz nods, "your eyes are missing somebody.”

Rey gives in. “He came by today.”

“I suspect he heard about what happened then?”

Rey nods. “He told me he was sorry about today but I just kind of blew him off. But then he wanted to talk so he came in and…”

Rey stops. She had only conveyed to Maz that she and her boyfriend had a fight. She didn’t convey the true nature of the argument or why she was so pissed off at him and she figures it would be safer not to disclose it now. Even if Maz seemed to know what was wrong with people before they themselves did.

“Did you fight?” Maz asks.

“I...He told me he wanted me to come home, that he missed me. And I want that too but not if he…” Rey shakes her head, hoping Maz won’t press for details. “I asked him about...what we were fighting about and I could tell none of that had changed. Even though he missed me, he won’t budge on it. We talked and we argued over the same thing but when I told him why I was so upset, he didn’t even know what to say. He just went still before he gathered his things, told me he loved me, and then bolted out the door.”

Maz chuckles and Rey furrows her brow, confused by her response. “Oh my, you’ve got one alright.”

“Got what?” Rey sniffles.

“A man that knows how to drive you crazy.”

“He does," Rey sighs. "I really love him, you know. But I’m worried about him,” she says, fiddling with the paper that was crumpled up in her hand still. She was more than worried actually. _She's fucking terrified._ Her eyes flutter to the clock.

_8:42 PM_

If she was going to make a choice, she needed to make it soon.

“I want to help him, and I know I can. But I don’t know which thing is the right thing anymore. _Even today,_ I try to do the right thing, and I know it was the right thing, even if it got me expelled. And with this, I know that if I sit here and do nothing, it’d be like watching that woman slip away on the sidelines when I knew I could do something.”

“Kid, you’ve got the kind of gut I would trust. If you know what’s right, I’m inclined to agree with you. If you want to find your boy, then I say he should be found.”

“And if I’m wrong? If this is a mistake and I end up making it worse by giving in to what he wants?”

“Then you’ve got plenty of time to learn from it and carry on...and you’ve always got a place here with me if you need it.”

Rey surges forward, embracing the woman once more. “Thank you, Maz.”

They stay like that for a long moment before Rey blinks away her tears and looks to the clock once again.

_8:45 PM_

Pulling away, Rey stands up, clutching tightly to the note in her hand. She had made her choice. And since Ben had already made his choice, she knew what she had to do.

“I have to go.”

Maz smiles. “Go. Find your Ben and give him a firm smack before you give in. Serves him right for making you worry so much.”

Rey chuckles, wiping away her tears. “I just might, Maz. Thank you for everything,” Rey says, getting her coat on and quickly shrugging it on by the door.

“Don’t mention it,” Maz says with a knowing twinkle in her eye.

With that, Rey bolts out of the apartment, speeding down the stairs and out into the night air. She needed to get to the museum and fast.

Rey had spent her life waiting for her family to find her again but then she found family in Ben and she knew better than to lose him. He was part of her, in a way, and even if he was being an idiot and driving her crazy, she wasn’t going to lose him for it. 

Ben was really going to do this, she knows, so she was going to be there to bring him back. She couldn’t stomach losing him too.

Because if Ben died pulling some stunt in the name of science or for his grandfather's honor, Rey was going to kill him. 

* * *

Hux was en route to the museum. He called to ask Ben if he wanted a ride but he just said he was in the middle of something and he would get there on his own.

Hux really didn’t think there was much risk in it. He had read the man’s notes and listened to the sales pitch and although they joked about their competing grades and scores, he knew Ben was the smarter of the both of them and if everything went on schedule, hypothetically, it would work. It was just a matter of testing it the first time. 

He’s almost certain that Rey would kill him if she ever found out for helping Ben with this. He suspects, even though Ben hasn’t talked about it much, that’s why Rey left. 

Ben and Rey never really fought. They were unlike most couples he knew. But then again, both of them were unlike _anyone_ he knew either. And for all reasons, they shouldn’t get along but they did. 

Ben was capable of being grumpier than Hux was. The guy was a massive, awkward, moody, conundrum of a man.

But that changed when he met Rey. Or at least that changed when Ben was around Rey. 

There would be times when Ben would be so pissed off about something that happened at school or with some jerk in at a coffee shop and Hux could actually see the physical change that Rey’s presence would bring on him. All she would have to do is look at him or give him a hug and the guy would melt and all his woes would evaporate. 

These last two weeks, Ben has reverted back to his former self that dived headfirst into his schoolwork or his crack-head experiments. Rey wasn’t around to knock sense into him and it took very little to make him start getting frustrated. 

Rey was everything that Hux expected to infuriate Solo but instead, he fell for her. He remembers back when he first met her. Hux never knew much about women. His interests have always lied elsewhere, but he knew enough about women to know that Rey was a little out of Ben’s league. He could tell well enough that Ben had no experience with relationships but Ben was already far gone for her. And Rey, to Hux’s surprise, fell for him too. 

Rey was probably the kindest person Hux has ever met. He usually found overly compassionate people a little exhausting but Hux genuinely enjoyed her company. And she’s the only person alive he allows to call him by his first name. Maybe it’s because of her accent that was fairly similar to his own, but also how she doesn’t laugh at it as everyone else does. 

He arrives at the old museum. It’s been raining lately so they’ve been more lenient on their restoration construction. There are rarely people here and Hux wonders if they were ever going to finish it at this rate. But at least it was at their convenience now. He still takes precautions though, parking a fair distance away. He knew there was a mediocre security patrol they were trying to evade. 

He ducked into the building with the oxygen tanks Ben asked him to bring. It was dark and there are long sheets of plastic everywhere left behind by painters. 

The building is very grand and there are immaculate statues and murals that decorate the structure all throughout. All of the items that the crews couldn’t remove with the rest of the artifacts. 

As he rounds the corners to the room Ben had said to meet in. The lights were on but it wasn’t overly bright. Hopefully, they could proceed as quietly as possible. But then he hears a noise and Hux freezes as he hears something and he nearly bolts, thinking it was one of the guards. 

But then he sees who it is as he walks in from the opposite side of the room. And the man looks just as pleased to see him.

“Dameron,” Hux addresses him dryly.

Poe’s response comes with venom. “Hux.”

“You brought the camera?” Hux asks, moving to the middle of the room.

“Listen, I only came because I promised Ben I would, so don’t bother trying to start anything," Poe snaps to him which is about what Hux expected. 

“ _I never_ start anything," Hus says, glancing around the room for a distraction. "All I asked was if you brought the camera and you launched into your threats.”

“I wasn’t threatening you!”

“Well, then can you just talk to me like we’re both grown-ups and not twelve years olds?” Hux asks, pretending to inspect the tanks so he wouldn’t have to look at him. 

Poe Dameron was possibly the most frustrating man on the face of the planet. Hux has known him since they started med school as he was in most of his and Ben’s classes. They had a healthy competition when it came to grades, neither one of them able to catch up to Ben. 

They were friends. Or at least they used to be. That changed over the summer when Poe decided he didn’t want anything to do with him. 

What happened wasn’t Hux’s fault but Poe liked to pretend it was. 

Hux hadn’t said anything to anyone, knowing he couldn’t make any claims about Poe when he was so committed to fitting the persona that had earned him his popularity. 

Dameron was _the_ nice party guy who had a new girlfriend every week. And up until last summer, Hux was just more or less a friendly acquaintance with the man. But that all changed back in July. Back when Hux thought there was something more to Dameron then just being party boy and for a while, he saw through that whole facade. It all eluded very quickly once Dameron decided to resume his role when school resumed. And that meant not only ignoring Hux on all accounts but also being a massive asshole when they did cross paths. 

And yet, Hux couldn’t say anything. He just had to live with it, ignoring the passing rumors of the stupid shit Poe did over the weekends with, what seemed to be, endless female company.

It was common knowledge that Hux was a gay man and if it became known that he and Poe were together, Dameron would only try to accuse him of lying and starting shit as he defended his high on-campus-standing. 

Needless to say, Hux was pissed and he would rather Ben just duct-taped the camera to one of these statutes instead of relying on Poe. But to convey his frustrations to anyone about Poe would reveal something that Hux knows would only stir trouble. And if he's honest, he wants to just move on and not bring it all up again.

So he’s relieved when he hears another noise to see Finn roll in with the bed. Only he isn’t alone. Standing beside him was Rose.

“What are you doing here?” Ben didn’t mention Rose being involved. 

Rose scoffs. “What am _I_ doing here? What are _any of you_ doing here?”

“We’re–” Poe starts but Rose cuts him off. 

“Don’t bullshit me. I’m serious.”

Hux looks to Finn, confused. Finn sighs, ducking his head. “I uh...I’m not a good liar. I’m sorry. She got it out of me.”

“How the hell could you all just go along with this?” Rose scowling at them.

“Rose, relax,” Poe tells her with a laugh. “Ten bucks says he won’t do it.”

“Well, whatever he does, he’s gonna get a piece of my mind,” Rose huffs, crossing her arms. “And to think this is probably why they broke up. Rey’s probably going out of her mind.”

“She’s right,” Finn says in agreement. “I think this is why Rey is staying with Maz.”

“I think so too,” Hux agrees. 

“Has he told you anything?” Finn steps closer to him.

Hux shakes his head. “No. He won’t talk about it. But I can tell he misses her.’”

Finn sighs. “Well, you should have seen him today when we told him what was going on.”

“Why?” Hux frowns. “What happened?”

“Rey got expelled,” Poe says from the other side of the room.

“What?!” His eyes blow wide.

“Yeah. She operated on a woman in the ER,” Rose explains. “She saved her life but the board said she was still out of line. Her scholarship was revoked and she’s been expelled.”

Hux shakes his head in disbelief. “That’s horrible,” and then, thinking back to what they said earlier he asks, “What did Ben do?”

Finn shrugs. “As far as we know, we think he went to go talk to her, but we haven’t heard from either of them.”

Poe chuckled. “If Ben went to go talk to Rey then I don’t think he’s showing up. He’s probably preoccupied and we can all go home.” He wiggles his eyebrows, trying to be funny.

“Shut up,” Hux rolls his eyes at him, annoyed that he would make fun of the situation. 

“Jesus, Poe. Can you not think about sex for two minutes?” Finn asks him. “Just keep an eye out for security until Ben shows up, yeah?” 

Poe rolls his eyes and for a moment, Hux thinks he might be looking at him but he keeps his attention of the equipment, trying to help Finn set things up. Dameron stood off to the side, wasting the camera’s battery on filming the architecture while Rose stood with her arms crossed by the entryway, muttering. Most likely about how much she hated all of them.

When things are as fit as they can be to make up an operating table in the middle of an empty museum, Hux looks to his watch. 

_9:03 PM_

He honestly expected Ben to be the first one here so although it’s only three minutes past, he wonders where he is. Everyone else must be thinking the same thing as they look at the time. 

“Maybe they did makeup,” Rose says. She sounds more hopeful then really convinced of the concept.

“And guys,” Finn says next, looking a little nervously at his watch. “Even if he does come, are we really going to do this? I mean look at what happened to Rey this morning! She was expelled for saving someone’s life. Imagine what could happen to all of us if they found out we purposely ended one.”

“Finn–” Hux starts but Finn speaks over him. 

“No. I’m serious. This is goodbye med school. Goodbye career.”

Poe just laughs again, setting the camera on the bed. “Finn, buddy, chill out. If he shows up, he’ll try to play it cool but then he’ll shit his drawers and we’re all clear to go home.”

“Thank you for your input, Poe." They all flinch at the new voice but turn to see Ben stride in through the other doorway with a rolling cart with a cooler and a refrigerated blanket. "But if you don’t mind, keep your voice down. Sorry, I’m late,” he says to all of them casually, moving to park the cart among everything else, not looking at any of them. “I went to start up the boiler so let’s stay close to the grate.”

He was really going through with this.

* * *

Ben shrugged off his coat and hung it over the end of the rolling cart. He heard plenty of the conversation that was occurring before he revealed himself and he didn’t really want to hear anymore. Maybe that’s why he was ignoring some of the frantic words coming from his classmates as they fluttered around him but after a moment, they start to flood in.

“Ben, I really don’t think this is a good idea,” comes from Finn. Ben was sure he said that earlier that day.

While from Rose, Ben heard, “How fucking dare you. You can’t do this! Think about Rey!”

He _was_ thinking about Rey. _Constantly._ But he doesn’t tell Rose that. 

“Rose, I didn’t expect to see you here,” Ben says calmly. “Finn fill you in?” He looks over to the man who shrugs a bit, too nervous to be guilty.

“Yes, he did and I’m here to tell you that this isn’t just some little experiment. This is a major fucking problem.”

“I understand. But I assure you, I know what I’m doing. There’s no reason to worry.”

“Is that what you told Rey?” She asks him and his hands still for a moment as he started to get situated. He bites his lip, not answering while he tried to carry on, knowing they were all watching him. 

And then Poe cuts in, chuckling. “Listen. Everyone just humor the man and let him play his little game.”

Ben ignores him, pulling his sweater over his head and setting it over his coat as he started to review the procedure with everyone, hoping they were paying attention.

“You’re going to take me down with nitrous, sodium pentothal, and the refrigerated blanket,” he says, pulling out the blanket to lay on the operating table.

“I’ve got some chilled D5W in the cooler. When my body temperature hits eighty-six degrees, you’ll hit me two-hundred joules,” Ben says, now looking to Hux knowing he was listening and not trying to argue with him. 

Hux nods.

“The electric current will stop my heart. When the heart is dead, take the mask off.”

“This is not happening,” Finn says to himself, his hands in his hair.

“Poe, shut the door,” Ben tells them, opening the first aid box to start prepping the injections. “I’m gonna draw twenty cc’s. Finn, you can handle the injections. If you get queasy, then someone else can take over,” he says, looking to the man who had gone from nervous to nauseous in the last ten seconds. “Rose, I’m sure you can manage it.”

“Oh,” Rose scoffs, pissed off and already pointing her finger at him. “There is no way that I’m helping y–”

Ben carries on, cutting her off. “When the EEG flatlines and the brain is dead, I’ll be exploring. Give me thirty seconds, put the blanket on to warm.”

Poe starts shaking his head. “Solo, come on. _Seriously._ Knock it off.”

Ben doesn't falter from his instructions. “Take me back up to ninety-three degrees, slowly. Inject one cc of adrenaline. At one minute, Hux,” he looks to him across the table, “come in with the defibs and bring me back to life.” Ben inspects the syringes, ensuring there are no air bubbles inside before laying them out carefully. 

“Wait a minute,” Finn says, throwing up his hands, standing right before Ben now. “Ben, _quite simply,_ why are you doing this?”

“‘Quite simply?’ To see if there’s anything out there beyond death. Philosophy failed. Religion obviously failed." _My grandfather failed._ "Now it’s all up to physical sciences. I think humankind deserves to know and I found a way to figure the answers out.”

“So what? You’re doing this for humanity?” Finn asks. Ben ignores him, not answering.

“Solo, you do realize this is some ‘Frankenstein’ level shit?” Poe asks. “I thought you were just fucking with us but you actually expect us to go through this?”

Ben sighs, stepping over to his coat, pulling out the letters, offering one to Finn who was closest. “This letter absolves you of any responsibility, just in case.”

Finn snatches it from him and immediately tears into it. Rose follows him to read it over his shoulder but Ben clears his throat. She stops, turning to him, looking rather emotional. “And this letter is for Rey,” he says, passing it to her. “It’s for Rey and _Rey only_ ,” he says, hoping he shouldn’t have to tell a bunch of his classmates not to read letters that aren’t theirs. 

Rose takes it, scoffing. “What? You managed to tell her she was right only in the event of your death?”

“Just make sure she gets it if anything happens. It’s just precaution. You won’t need to give it to her anyway.” Ben turns around, his back to all of them. He takes off his glasses, setting them safely on the cart before pulling off his white undershirt.

“This isn’t for humanity!” Poe says to his back. “You’re doing this for you!” 

Suddenly Ben thinks back to Rey’s words from earlier that day. She said something like that too.

Rose crosses her arms, Rey’s letter in her hands. “Why do I suddenly see you on _Young and Modern Corelia_ sandwiched between _The Amazing Mr. Hondo_ and a car commercial? ‘Tonight, a young medical student who dared to experience death and come back,’” she mocks with the voice of a TV announcer.

Poe chuckles, pointing the camera in Rose's face, “Fame _is_ inevitable.”

Rose scoffs at him, pushing the camera away. “That’s the wrong reason!”

He shrugs again, “It’s the right idea.”

Ben turns around, moving to sit on the table, ignoring the argument. “Hux, electrodes.”

Ben sits there, upon the bed, untying his shoes and feeling the sudden tension as he realizes they are all looking to his chest. Or rather the _tattoo_ on his chest that he supposes they haven't seen before. 

_The one of Rey’s name._

Poe clears his throat. “That’s...nice,” he points to it, casually. “When did you get that?” Ben can actually hear Poe zooming in on it with the camera.

Ben ignores him, looking back to the equipment. “Nitrous?”

Hux pats his back, “At least you get to go out with a laugh,” he offers and Ben rolls his eyes a bit although he supposes he should be grateful that Hux was cooperating for once. But he thinks it really might just be pity. 

Ben would have to take it for now. “Get the blanket.”

Poe passes it to him, even though Rose smacks him on the arm not to comply. Hux turns on the Medi-Therm. Ben takes a glance to see his temperature was at 98. He takes a deep breath, knowing things were all finally happening. He takes a deep breath before applying the rest of the electrodes.

“We’re all professionals. This will all go smoothly as long as you follow my instructions.”

“Ben, what if I throw up?” Finn asks, fanning himself with Ben's letter.

Ben just smirks at him. “As long as you don’t puke on me or jeopardize the experiment then it’ll probably all work out fine.”

“You son of a bitch. Making jokes.” Poe says. Ben lays back and Poe settles the blanket over him. “In that case, if you die, can I have your apartment?”

Everyone looks to him, annoyed.

“Oh, that one was too far? It was a joke, calm down.”

“One minute. That’s all I need,” Ben reminds them, hoping they would pull through and follow his instructions. “Don’t be late,” he says, looking up at them.

“Poe, start filming. We need a complete record of the experiment.”

Poe steps away, fiddling with the camera and for a moment and Ben looks up to Hux while Finn and Rose were whispering to each other. “If...well, you know, if I’m wrong and I..." Ben trails off, not wanting to think about it. "Just...make sure she’s okay. I made arrangements but make sure she takes them. She’ll be stubborn,” he chuckles, knowing how strong-headed Rey was.

A week ago he ensured everything was in place. In the event of his death, his will was clear. Everything would be left to Rey. He could do all that but it took two weeks and her getting expelled to work up the nerve to talk to her and he still fucked that up. 

Hux just nods and Ben is glad that’s all he needs to say. He would make sure she’s alright.

Hux pulls off the mask from the oxygen tank and settles it over his nose. “See you soon Solo.”

“Yeah,” he says, already feeling the effects. “See ya.”

Everything blurs out before it goes dark.

* * *

Ben’s eyes close.

“Ninety-six degrees,” Hux calls out. 

“This letter doesn’t mean shit," Finn hands it to Rose. "Please, I think we should just let him sleep it off. He’ll have a wet dream. It'll be good for a laugh," Finn says, forcing a chuckle.

Poe nods, moving the camera down. “That’s a good idea. Sleep tight, Benny boy.”

“Am I the only one here that’s going to do anything?” Hux asks them.

Finn takes another step back and Rose does the same, closer to the door. “Listen, I don’t think we should be doing this. I mean are we willing to risk everything? Med school? Our future? For Ben’s little project? It’s a suicide mission. Literally!”

Rose spins around hearing a noise, she gasps and scurries back over. There were footsteps. 

“Someone’s coming,” she says as loudly as she can with her hushed voice.

“Shit!” Hux swore.

But then the door opens and they all gawk as Rey strides through looking like a bat out of hell. Her hair is windswept like she was running. “Rey!” Finn and Rose cry out in relief.

“Holy shit, am I glad to see you,” Finn says, putting a hand over his heart like he’s trying to catch his breath.

Rey doesn’t look at any of them as she approaches. Just to the man laying out on the bed. “Is he dead?” is all she asks.

“Not yet. He’s just sleeping,” Hux answers, starting to charge the paddles. 

“Rey!” Rose says in relief. “Please. Talk some sense into these people. Make it stop.”

Rey stands before Ben's body, looking down at him. 

He was so still. She brings a hand up, over his hair before trailing her fingers gently over his face. He’s cool to the touch. She looks down at the blanket, cooling him down slowly. She sees his tattoo peeking out from underneath. 

Sighing to herself, gathering all her strength, she knows what she has to do.

“Rey?” Hux whispers, his eyes going back and forth between Ben and her. 

She pulls off her jacket, setting it over Ben’s things on the cart to the side. “I’ll do it.”

“What!?” Finn and Rose shriek at the same time. 

Rey ignores them, grabbing Ben’s glasses that were sitting beside his shirt and puts them on, getting a better look at all of the equipment. 

“You’re taking over?” Poe asks.

“I’ve lost everything," she says, realizing how true that really was. "I’m not losing him too,” she tells them, her voice scratchy. Probably from crying. But she wasn't crying now.

Poe scoffs. “You do realize you’re talking about killing this man? The same man with _your_ name tattooed over his fucking heart?”

“I can bring him back,” she says, pulling her hair back into a hasty bun on the top of her head. “Armitage, hand me the paddles.” 

He looks hesitant. “Rey, I–”

“Armitage,” her hands out outreached for the paddles, not wanting to ask again. He does as she asks. 

“Just stop his heart when he hits eighty-six degrees. One minute,” Hux reminds her. “Bring him right back.”

"Rey, I know today was a difficult day and that what happened wasn't fair," Rose starts, holding the two letters in her hands and looking to Rey like she was a wild animal. "But this isn't going to–"

The machine beeps, warning them of Ben’s condition. The thermometer read 86 degrees. 

Rey charges the paddles. Finn looks to her in disbelief. “Rey, wait a sec–”

Hux pulls the blanket down and Rey situates the paddles over Ben’s chest.

“Clear.”

Ben’s body jolts and settles back on the table. 

“Systole,” Hux says, looking to the monitor.

"What the fuck?" Finn shouts, his hands flying to his hair.

“Johnson,” Poe snaps at Rey, “If you want to kill your boyfriend then that's your problem but this is not the kind of shit I want on my transcript.”

Rey ignores them. _She has to._ So instead she looks to the equipment, grateful that at least Hux was cooperating. The needles are frantic on the EEG. The heart monitor is erratic. 

_It’s gonna be fine,_ she hears Ben’s words from earlier echo through her brain.

Finn shakes his head, looking a little frantic. “I did not come to med school to murder my classmates no matter how deranged they might be.”

And then the machine gives a long monotonous beep. They all know what it means.

“Flatline,” Hux says. Rey takes a deep breath, trying to stay calm. Ben is right here. He was coming back. And when he didn’t she was going to have some words. 

_I love you,_ he said before he left. She clings to that moment and is eager to hear it from him again and tell him the same...even after she tells him what a fucking pain he is first.

“Holy shit, he’s dead,” Poe says, finally realizing that this was real.

Hux looks to his watch. “One minute starting now.” He looks to Rey, “You good?”

Rey only gives a slight nod but glances at Poe. “Start filming.”

“Maybe we could just defib him now,” Finn offers. “He’s been dead for like three seconds. Isn’t that enough?”

“Just watch the door,” Hux says.

Poe shakes his head, the camera still pointed at the ground. “This is definitely the most fucked up Friday night I’ve ever had. And _that’s_ saying something.”

“Fucking hell, Poe. Just start filming!” Hux snaps at him.

He finally does and he zooms in on the still yet tranquil face of the momentarily deceased Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...they all share one brain cell and this is ultimate trash that makes no sense but thanks for coming anyway. 
> 
> Ben's dead but he's not "dead" so don't worry. The story summary is pretty revealing of what happens anyway so you know he'll be fine...physically at least, hehe.
> 
> Also, I'm going for a softer Hux in this story because as much as I love to hate him, I love to love him too. And as for Poe, he's more of a typical college party guy that is in denial of his sexuality and has a history with Hux. 
> 
> Omg, the drama.
> 
> P.S. Rose Tico chewing people out for being stupid is ultimate.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of back and forth in this chapter as we alternate what Ben is seeing and what the rest of them are doing as they revive him.

_There’s a continuous blur as there seem to be images flashing past. A thousand moments firing away. There are just snippets of faces and places that he thinks he may recognize but it’s too quick. They go faster and faster until the images aren’t discernable at all before it comes to an abrupt stop, revealing a memory. A day very dear to him._

_The day he met Rey._

_He lives the moment just as it happened the first time. The emotions. The sounds. All his senses committed to this moment of which he could never forget..._

_Ben was working as an intern at the hospital, helping out wherever he was needed._

_The summer program for interns was usually short-staffed since most of the med students went home for break. But Ben stayed._

_Which included the daunting task of consoling a five-year-old boy that was having a bit of an episode while his mother was in with Dr. Kalonia. She was just getting some stitches on her finger after hurting herself with a kitchen knife but the blood must have scared the kid because he had big tears rolling down his face._

_Overwhelmed and unsure what to do, Ben guided the kid back to the waiting room where he was just going to pawn him off to the nurses at the front desk._

_He wasn’t good with kids, he didn’t think. He had no experience with them. Even when he was a kid, he wasn’t good with kids._

_So when he finds the front office unoccupied, the nurse at the front gone, he wants the walls to swallow him whole._

_Shit._

_He kneels down, getting closer to the kid’s level. He had on some overalls and the striped shirt he was wearing underneath ahd snot on the sleeves as he was constantly wiping at his tears and runny nose._

_“Hey, uh...what’s your name?”_

_“B-Billy,” the kid cries._

_“Billy, okay, well, um, my name is Ben. I, uh…I work here.”_

He doesn’t care if you come from Mars. He’s just worried about his mom. He’s scared. Say something comforting!

_“Hey, ummm...your mom is going to be just fine. It’s a very small wound that–”_

_“No! Mommy’s gonna die and Daddy doesn’t know how to make pancakes,” the kid just gets out before he starts wailing._

_Jesus fucking Christ. He can’t do this._

_He has no idea how to even–_

_“Excuse me?”_

_Ben’s head snaps to the counter where a young woman was standing. She looked a little confused and Ben didn’t really have the patience to deal with her too._

_“Just fill out the forms and take a seat. Someone will try to help you soon,” he tells her, trying to pat Billy on the shoulders so he would stop crying._

_“Uh, no, actually. I’m an intern but it’s my first time here.”_

_Ben rolls his eyes. She wasn’t supposed to enter through here. She was supposed to report at the back entrance of the hospital but she must not have read the directions right. And now she’s his problem and on top of it all, it’s filtered through little Billy’s sobbing._

_He’s about to tell her that she’s made a mistake, the angst of the day starting to take its toll on him and lash out at this woman. But before he can, she leans over the counter, focused on the little boy crying in front of him._

_“Do you need help?” she asks, looking to Ben._

_Her offer falls on deaf ears as he tries to shift gears too quickly and doesn’t respond. She must think it's answer enough though because she walks through the swinging door to take in the full scene for herself._

_Ben should tell her to get back behind the counter. That was the policy. But suddenly he can’t. He doesn’t know what’s happening or why he’s looking at her face for so long. Or why his breath catches a bit when she kneels beside him, looking to Billy._

_“Hey, what’s wrong?” she asks the little boy, her voice soft._

_“My mommy’s gonna die.”_

_She looks to Ben and he shakes his head subtly to convey that he didn’t know how to respond, even though the mother was probably almost done with Dr. Kalonia by now._

_“Oh, your mommy wouldn’t want you to think that,” she says in a voice that is so calming that Ben feels himself calm down a bit. “I’m sure everything is going fine.”_

_“Only mommy knows how to make the pancakes I like,” Billy says, not sobbing but whimpering a bit, looking at this mystery woman with big watery eyes._

_“Oh, I love pancakes. Are pancakes your favorite?” she asks, sounding so intrigued and enthralled._

_“Uh-huh,” Billy gives his nose another swipe with his arm. “She puts chocolate chips in and makes a face with the whipped cream.”_

_“A happy face?”_

_Billy nods._

_“That sounds lovely. I think I’d like to try those,” she tells the boy._

_Billy looks to her, the corners of his mouth not in a frown anymore and his tears stopped. Ben looked between her and the young boy wondering how the hell she managed to do that, and in record time too. His ears were still ringing from the kid’s cries just a few minutes earlier._

_He watches as she keeps asking him things, keeping him distracted and engaged in everything she says._

_It’s only then that he recalls the basket of stickers they keep around here for the kids and he reaches for it, passing it to the girl, thinking she would know what to do better than him._

_And damn, she knows how to sell it._

_She gives a beautiful shining smile as she takes it from him. “Oh, thank you,” she says, meeting his eyes for a brief moment and he gets a better look at her face. She smiles warmly at him and he doesn’t even remember why he was stressed earlier._

_What did she do to him? Why did he feel like this?_

_“Look what he found for us,” she says and Billy’s eyes go wide as he leans over the treasure trove of colorful options._

_Ben just watches in awe._

_“These are nice. The star stickers. They’re shiny,” she says, holding them up as if they were priceless._

_“Uh-huh,” Billy says, looking at them in her hands, sifting through them in her palm and picking the ones he likes. “My teacher has some like that. I got one on my homework.”_

_“Really? You must be very smart then,” she says and Billy actually giggles with no traces of the tears he was shedding._

_“Oh, I like this one,” he says, finding one to his liking. “Puppy,” he says, showing it to them. Ben just gives a smile and nods._

_“That’s very cute. I think you made the right choice.”_

_“Uh-huh. I-I like puppies,” Billy says, peeling off the paper and sticking it to the front of his overalls. He curls over himself to get a good look at it and Ben smirks, admiring the sight._

_The girl chuckles. “I like them too. They’re–”_

_“Billy?”_

_Ben looks up to see the mother waiting on the other side of the front desk, a big white bandage on her finger._

_“Mommy!” Billy shouts and runs through the swinging door to be beside her. “Mommy, look,” he points to his chest. “A puppy!”_

_“Aww, that’s a very cute puppy,” the mother tells him before looking back over the counter to them, both of them now standing. “Thank you so much. I hope he wasn’t too much trouble. I thought for sure I could hear him crying all the way from back there.”_

_The mother is looking to him though and he clears his throat to respond. “He was fine. No trouble,” he lies slightly but he finds himself looking to the girl next to him instead, knowing she was responsible for the shift._

_The mother looks down to her son who had a smile on his face and was sticking one of the star stickers on his mom’s arm. If it weren’t for the state of his sleeves, there would be no indication that he had even been upset. “What do we say, Billy?”_

_“Thank you,” he says sheepishly, looking up to only the girl and Ben does the same._

_“Of course. Have a nice day, Billy,” she says, offering a kind wave and a smile. Ben, realizing that was only natural, tries to do the same as the mother and son walk out of the office hand in hand._

_When they are gone, she turns to him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep there. You just looked like you needed help.”_

_“No. Thank you. That was...that was amazing. You handled that really well.”_

_She chuckles a bit but just nods. “Well, thank you. Nothing to it really.”_

Well, I couldn’t do it.

_He clears his throat gain, trying to recall what she had said when she came in. “Uh, you said you’re here as an intern?”_

_She nods. “Yes. I’m sorry. I know I’m in the wrong place but–”_

_“No, it’s okay. Really. Uh, actually, I can show you to the locker rooms and you can get changed.”_

_“Oh, I’m sure you’re busy. I wouldn’t want to–”_

_“No, it’s fine. Besides. I owe you,” he chuckles, urging her to follow him and she does._

_She smiles again. “Not a big fan of kids?”_

_“No, I wouldn’t say that. They’re just kind of...alien to me,” he admits, relieved when she laughs._

_“So, do you work at the front desk?”_

_“Uh, no. Actually, I’m an intern too.”_

_“Really?” he nods. “You go to the University too then?”_

_“Yeah. I just finished my first year.”_

_“I just got here. They told me I could come early in the summer to start on this kind of stuff. Which is nice. This city is really amazing.”_

_“Yeah, it’s...it’s pretty nice,” Ben says, trying to sound positive although he always seems to find the cloud in every silver lining. “Anyways, here’s the women’s locker room. You can get changed and then you can speak with the nurse down the hall. She’ll help work out your shifts.”_

_“Thank you,” she says kindly and Ben offers her a smile of his own, accidentally showing his teeth and trying to bite it back. He never smiles and when he does he refuses to show his teeth. He’s caught off guard at how easily that just came out so, with a final nod, he turns away, knowing he has to hunt down Kalonia before she gets pissed at his absence._

_“Wait,” the girl calls back and he spins around to look at her. “What’s your name?”_

_Oh Shit. What is my name?_

_Suddenly he can’t remember, too pleased with the fact that she even wanted to know._

_“Uh, I’m Ben,” he says, settling a hand on his chest the same way Billy did when he was showing off his puppy sticker. “Ben Solo.”_

_She walks a bit to meet him in the middle, holding out her hand. “Nice to meet you, Ben. I'm Rey.”_

_He takes her hand in his, shaking it politely. “Rey,” he breathes out, repeating her without realizing._

_“Rey Johnson.”_

_Suddenly he’s smiling again and he knows his teeth are showing. He can’t be bothered to hide it this time though as she smiles back._

* * *

“Thirty seconds to go,” Hux says, looking to his watch. He points to the blanket’s controls. “Let’s heat him up.”

Rey switches the settings on the blanket and the blues make the change to orange.

 _How has it not been a minute yet?_ Rey asks herself. To her, thirty seconds was an eternity. And that was only if this all worked. Not that she wanted to think about that. She had to believe this would work. Ben certainly did.

She wonders if Ben was seeing anything. And if he was, was it just a dream? What could he be hoping to see?

Anakin was desperate to see his wife...what would Ben experience if there was even anything to experience?

* * *

_“I’m gonna go to the club tonight” Hux says as he sits across from Ben at the table._

_He keeps his nose in his book while he eats his cereal. “Okay. If you come back with somebody I’ll stay in my room.”_

_Ben knows the drill by now. He was still recovering from that one time he was wearing headphones and couldn’t hear much. He had lent a book to Hux and wandered in his room to get it back, thinking he was still out and walked in to find that he was...with company._

_Hux took no time to recover from that, in fact he and the guy he was with just laughed at him. Apparently the look on his face was amusing before he slammed the door shut._

_“You should get out too,” Hux says off-handedly and it takes Ben a moment to realize he was referring to the club._

_Ben scoffs. “You know I hate that shit. Besides, if you’re gone I get the TV to myself.” He wouldn’t pass that up. Hux always wanted the TV off, saying there was never anything good on anyway. When he was gone, Ben played it as loud as he wanted._

_“You could go to a bar or one of those other clubs. That girl might show up. The one you keep talking about,” he suggests, wiggling his eyebrows._

_Ben finally looks up from his book. He had only mentioned Rey to Hux once but he likes to mock him like this and make him sound obsessed. Which he wasn’t...even if he’s thought about her every day for the past week since he first met her at the hospital._

_“I don’t care,” he lies. “I don’t do parties or clubs or whatever. I like the quiet.”_

_Hux was his temporary roommate. Ben had the apartment to himself throughout the semester but when summer started, Hux begrudgingly took Ben up on the offer to occupy his guest bedroom._

_Ben knew Hux didn’t really have anywhere to go and he was low on funds after his dad cut him off. Brendol Hux, although Ben had never met him, seemed to be a very old-fashioned kind of asshole that clearly disapproved of his son._

_So, although Ben wouldn’t consider them more than just casual friends before he moved in, they definitely talked more than they used to and Hux seemed to think helping him with his social life was some form of repayment._

_Ben just wishes he could drop it._

_Hux groans. “God, you’re strange. I mean, what are you? Twenty-five?”_

_Ben shrugs, looking down into his cereal, already knowing where this was going._

_“I don’t know if you noticed but this is usually the time in your life where you get to let loose a bit. Go to a party. Make stupid decisions. It’s a very human experience and someone as obsessed with science as much as you are, should at least see the benefits of giving in to your own human urges.”_

_“I don’t have any urges,” he says but that kind of feels like a lie too._

_“Well, you had the urge to tell me about that girl you met with a big dopey grin on your face. What was her name again?” Hux asks coyly._

_Ben rolls his eyes and gives him a warning, “Hux.”_

_“No. I don’t think it was Hux. Was it Rey?” Hux prods with a smirk, trying to get him riled up._

_Ben stands up, finished with his cereal and setting the bowl in the sink. “Hux, I’m not going out. I’ve got plenty I need to do here,” he says, trying to recall what those things actually were._

_“You know, Ben, if you really like this girl, just ask her out next time you see her.”_

_Ben had no idea how to do that and at this point, he didn’t need a reminder of how pathetic he was. “It’s not that simple.”_

_“Actually, it is that simple. You just like to convince yourself it’s complicated because you think that’s easier to believe than thinking you could be capable of having a good time. Or giving someone else a good time.”_

_Ben shook his head. He didn’t really operate the way the other people at their school did._

_Hux stands up from the table, moving for the door. “I won’t make you go out. If I do you’ll just sulk and I’m not in the mood to babysit. And I know you hate to miss ‘Fraggle Rock’ or ‘Murder, She Wrote’ or whatever so I’ll let it slide this time.”_

_“I don’t watch–”_

_Hux ignores Ben’s defenses. “Maybe I’ll call you if I find out there’s a girl named Rey out and about,” Hux smirks. “I’m sure not many girls have that name.”_

_“I don’t care,” Ben lies._

_“Well, maybe we’ll leave her for Dameron to play with then when school starts. You know he likes to greet all new students personally.”_

_Ben gives him the bird._

_“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Take it easy, Solo.” And with that, the redhead leaves._

_He was a nice guy and he knew he was trying to be helpful in his own way, but sometimes it was too much for Ben and his defenses would go up._

_He stomps around the apartment for a half-hour, thinking of comebacks that were too late to give._

_In need of a distraction, he gathered his dirty clothes and his book, hoping that the laundromat wouldn’t be too busy._

_And luckily, it wasn’t._

_He had the money to not need to use a coin laundry but he found that he kind of liked to do it himself and it gave him some time to just sit somewhere and read. It made him feel like he had gone out and at least now he could tell Hux he didn’t sit on the couch all night._

_The washer rings when it’s done and Ben bookmarks his page to switch it over. As he’s emptying out the machine, he glances over to someone several machines down who was doing the same. He does a double-take, pulling his glasses down as his eyes are certain of the sight._

_His heart seized in his chest as he realized it's her._

_It’s Rey._

_She had on a gray hoodie. Her hair was in a messy looking bun and she was listening to music from her headphones, oblivious to anything else but the music and her clothes._

_She looks lovely._

_And he must be staring because her eyes trail over to meet his and he freezes. Trying to make an excuse for why he’s just looking at her like an idiot but instead, one of her bright smiles appears on her face again as she pulls on her headphones._

_“Ben?”_

_“H-Hi,” he said, clearing his throat, horrified at how groggy it sounded. “Hey. Good to see you,” he says._

_“Yeah, you too.”_

_He can’t believe the chances. Of all the places he could have been this evening, she showed up here. He probably wouldn’t have come tonight if Hux didn’t get him all riled up with his pre-club lecture. Trying to pressure him into going out on the off chance that Rey could be out too. But she was doing her laundry on a Friday night just as he was._

_They load up the dryers next to each other and Ben decidedly looks away from the items she’s loading into the machine after he catches a glimpse of something lacey that makes his cheeks heat up._

_She doesn’t seem to notice._

_“So...big Friday night, huh?” she asks him._

_He nods to his book. “Actually, this is pretty standard for me,” he admits._

_Rey chuckles. “Yeah, I know what you mean,” she says, putting sliding coins in to start the cycle. “I should be doing my summer reading but I switched to music. I think my brain quit on me,” she points to the walkman in her basket before pulling off her headphones and setting them aside._

_“How was your first week in the hospital?” he asks, finally managing to get the coins out of his pocket to start his own dryer._

_Rey nods. “About as good as it could have been. It’s a lot to take in but I like it so far.”_

_Ben smiles, genuinely glad to hear it. He remembers the first time he worked in the hospital and he was filling little water cups for patients. But then one of the nurses told him he was doing it wrong but he got shaky and spilled all of them in the hallway. He spent the rest of his first-day mopping. Hopefully, Rey’s experiences were better than that._

_Ben leans against the dryer, slightly horrified when it will take an hour. Does he talk to her that whole time? He’s not sure he’s ever spoken to anyone for a full hour._

_Hux doesn’t count because most of the time, Ben zones out or doesn’t respond more than a few words._

_But then Rey pulls out her wallet, searching for more coins. “I think I’m just going to have something from the vending machine for dinner,” she laughs. “Can I get you anything?”_

_He looks down at what must have been four dollars. Half of which was in quarters. Was she really going to have a bag of chips for dinner?_

_And even further, despite her little money, she was asking if he wanted anything._

_“Uh, no thanks. I’m good,” he tells her with a smile and she just nods, saying she would be right back._

_Ben stands there, his mind reeling as he thinks of Hux’s words from earlier._

_If you really like this girl, just ask her out._

_The thought of doing so was terrifying, but maybe he didn’t have to think of it as such. Maybe he didn’t have to put a label on it and instead could just think of it as two people hanging out while they were waiting for their laundry to dry._

_Thinking back to their first meeting and hoping to catch her before she got something from the machine, he walks up behind her. “Hey, Rey?” She turns to look at him and he gathers all he has to try and get this out. If he doesn’t succeed now, he doubts he ever will._

_“Uh, there’s a really good diner a few shops down. Dex’s? They have really good eggs and waffles and…” he can’t fight the nervous smile on his face, “chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream smiley faces.”_

_She laughs more than he’s ever heard from her yet and he instantly relaxes, smiling at her._

_“I was thinking of grabbing something while my clothes were drying if you wanted to join me?” He says, even though he hadn’t thought of it until then. He had already had a bowl of cereal but that didn’t really count. He was planning to eat something else when he got home anyway. So, hoping she’ll accept he adds, “A celebratory breakfast-dinner for a successful first week?”_

_“Really?” she asks him, sounding surprised._

_He starts to get nervous and backtracks. “You don’t have to it you don’t–”_

_“No, that’s sounds great. I’d love that,” she says stepping away from the vending machine. “I’ve never had chocolate chip pancakes.”_

_“Neither have I,” he admits._

_Together they go to Dex’s diner. They laugh and talk and eat pancakes. He insists on paying and she puts up a fight but relents when she tells him she’ll pay next time. A line that Ben thinks way too long about, realizing that there could actually be a 'next time.'_

_After, they return to get their dry clothes, and when Rey gives him her phone number he just stares at her blankly before he realizes he’s supposed to give her his._

* * *

“Twenty seconds at eighty-nine, ninety,” Hux calls out, looking at the thermometer. 

“Standing by with sodium bicarbonate. I’m charging the paddles,” Rey says, glancing at Hux while Poe circled around them before zooming back in on Ben. 

* * *

_“Rey,” he rasps out after she pulled her shirt off and helped him to remove his._

_They had stumbled to his room after they got back. It’s not the first time she’s come to his apartment after they ate at the diner but it was the first time they headed for the bedroom after making out on the couch for twenty minutes and Ben knew where it was going._

_And as much as he wanted that...he was terrified._

_He told her he hadn’t been in a relationship before and although he couldn’t quite believe it, she said she hadn’t either. But he never explicitly told her that he hadn’t had sex before and the time to do so was running thin. But words were hard to manage, especially when she kept kissing him how she did. She tasted like the syrup from the diner that had come to mean so much to him over the past several weeks. Because Rey meant a lot to him, but he needed to be honest. In that, he had no idea what he was doing._

_“Rey,” he breathes between kisses, gently grabbing her arms and pulling them apart enough to breathe. Rey looks up at him in the dim lighting of his room. He catches her expression though and she looks so vulnerable._

_“Did I do something?” she asks._

_“Did you–” he starts to repeat her as if that would make the words understandable but he quickly shakes his head. “No. Rey. Of course not, I just…” he sighs, feeling so stupid. “Rey, I’ve never been with anyone before,” he admits to her, probably sounding like he was seventeen._

_Her face hardly changes. “Neither have I.”_

_He shakes his head, thinking she misunderstands or that they were still talking about relationships. “No, I mean, I’ve never done this…” his eyes drift away, looking to his bed, “and I don’t think I’m going to be very good at it.”_

_“Ben,” she says softly, her hands reaching up for his face, bringing his eyes back to hers. “This is new to me too. I don’t know what I’m doing. I just know that...that it feels right. With you.”_

_Ben stares at her, his throat dry with her confession. He wonders how it’s possible but he’s also glad. They could figure this out together._

_Bringing his own hand back to her waist, he pulls her closer once more, kissing her forehead before he tells her, “I feel it too.”_

_They stand there for a moment, breathing each other in as they both understand where they both stand and what this means. They weren't alone anymore. They had each other._

_And then they’re kissing again, the passion from before relit as they wrestle with the rest of their clothes and fumble for the bed._

_His hands are trembling but he doesn’t think it’s because he’s nervous anymore._

_It’s clumsy at first when they finally come together and much to Ben’s embarrassment, it doesn’t last very long. But it also felt amazing, no matter how brief it had been._

_It was very intimate and honest in a way Ben didn’t know two people could be together._

_He had studied science all his life. He had learned a lot about the human body but plenty he never figured out for himself._ _But he was glad he finally did, and that it was with her._

_She had kissed him on the lips and then on his forehead before urging him to fall beside her so she could tuck herself against him and rest her head on his bicep. She fell asleep soon after that but Ben stayed awake, smiling in disbelief, looking back and forth from her and the ceiling and wondering if it was a dream._

_He had known her for a little over a month but already, she had come to mean so much to him. So much so that his heart was almost overwhelmed as his feelings started to become clear. As he came to understand more and more what was happening to him._

_He laid there for a long time, running his hand past her back, reveling at the softness of her skin. When he looked out the window, he realized how long he had laid awake because the early blue glow of morning started to seep in._

_Ben sat up slowly, ensuring he didn’t wake her as he reached for his boxers. He pulled the covers over her body and brushing away the hair from her face._

_He’s never felt like this._

_She was so beautiful and he couldn’t believe of all places she could be, she was here with him. He couldn’t believe that she would want to be with him in the way they just were._

_But he wants to believe it because this was everything he never realized he always wanted._

_He stood up, moving towards the window for a moment. Looking down at the street and the people that were already up._

_“Ben?”_

_He spins, looking back to the bed where Rey was sitting up, holding the sheet to her chest and looking at him through tired eyes._

_“Do you have to go?” she asks._

_“No,” he steps back over. “No, I’m good for today...Saturday,” he says lamely. She smiles as he sits in front of her. “I was just thinking.”_

_One of her hands touches his, studying them as she looks down at his palm. “What about?” she asks softly, sounding genuinely interested._

_Ben looks at her, and it all seems like a dream. A dream where he didn’t have to think about how scary this might be or how vulnerable he might feel if it was the full light of day. He felt safe and confident in a way he's rarely been if ever and he wants to share that with he before he starts to overthink everything and the haze of this night has worn off._

_So he answers his question, as honest as he could._

_“I was thinking…” he squeezes her hand, smiling when she runs her thumb past his knuckles. She looks down to their hands and he just watches her closely as he tells her. “I was thinking that I love you.”_

_Her eyes snap back to his, wide and shocked. So much so that the sheet falls and her bare chest is revealed again but neither of them seem to bother with that._

_Her lip trembles and her eyes water as she brings her hands to frame his face. She chuckles and when two tears fall down her cheeks, he brushes them away, cupping her face too._

_“I think I love you too, Ben.”_

* * *

Hux pulls down the blanket and Rey holds the paddles, looking to the machine for confirmation. “Charged.”

Rose pulls her hair back into a ponytail, realizing she was too far involved and she can’t walk away now. She nods to Rey and Rey does the same, thanking her quickly before looking down to Ben. 

* * *

_Ben laid back on the seat while the big man with the beard, by the name of Rod, leaned over him with the loud buzzing instrument. The same instrument that was currently drawing on his chest with a needle that left the ink permanently in his skin._

_It didn’t hurt too bad and even if it did, it would still be worth it for what was being left behind._

_“So…” Rod says as he turns to dip it in the ink again. “Rey is your sweetheart then?”_

_Ben smiles. “Yeah. My girlfriend.”_

_The man nods. “Nice. How long you two been together?”_

_“Two years this week.”_

_“That’s nice. Most names I tattoo on young men are names of ladies whom they’ve known for maybe a week tops...unless of course, they get their momma’s name,” he chuckles. “But seriously, just looking at you, you look like the kind of guy that gets a ring before you get a tattoo. I would consider you committed.”_

_“I already got a ring. About a year and ten months ago,” Ben explains and Rod cackles, pulling back a bit as he laughs. Ben smiles too. “I just haven’t asked her yet. I convinced myself to wait until I finished school.”_

_“So, you’re getting this to hold you over?” Rod nods to the half-finished tattoo on his chest._

_Ben chuckles, supposing that is what he was doing. “I just wanted her with me all the time, I guess. Something I won’t ever have to take off.”_

_“Oh, so you’re a romantic,” Rod muses._

_Ben snorts._

_“What can you tell me about her?”_

_Ben smiles, not sure how he could ever sum her up in such a general way. “Rey is...Rey,” he says like that should explain itself but knowing that wouldn’t do much. Rod doesn’t know her. So he continues. “She’s electric and warm and funny...and a total genius. It’s like being bathed in sunlight when she smiles at you. She’s...basically the complete opposite of me.”_

_“Damn, she sounds amazing.”_

_“She is.”_

_Rod is finished about ten minutes later and Ben looks to it with a smile. It was simple and delicate in a way he hadn’t expected from a man like Rod who looked like a rugged biker with a leather vest._

_The tattoo was perfect._

_Rey._

_“Thanks, Rod,” Ben says as he buttons his shirt back up._

_The big man gives him a loud smack on the back. “Don’t mention it, kid. I’m sure she’ll love it.”_

_And when he shows her later that evening, she shows him just how much she does_

* * *

Finn seems to finally get involved as he throws his jacket off and shoulders closer to Rose, looking at the machines.

“Monitor the EKG,” Hux says and Finn steps over doing so. No longer looking as queasy.

* * *

_Her arm is hooked around his neck. Her breath hot and panting in his ear while he moved against her, her hips meeting his._

_They were in the library, just a few hours before it all fell apart. Rey was wearing one of her longer floral dresses that he loved on her. As soon as she pushed them into the independent study, he couldn’t keep his hands off her._

_He tucked his face into her neck, trying to conceal his moans against her skin._

_She feels amazing._

_She whispers his name in his ear and he moves faster, holding her even tighter to him._

_"I got you," he tells her._

_He means it in every way. That he won’t let her go. That he loves her._

_When he feels her body seize around him and she moans, he dives to claim her lips as he lets go, giving her all he has._

_He would give her everything._

* * *

Rey takes a deep breath, looking over Hux’s shoulder where he was keeping an eye on the time. 

They were getting closer to a minute but she feels like she’s aged ten years already.

Rey’s palms are a little sweaty as she grips the paddles.

 _Ben is coming back. Stay calm,_ she reminds herself.

* * *

_Tears roll down his face as he finishes writing the letter to her. He wipes away at his face as he pulls the paper from the typewriter, proofreading it over before folding them over and placing them into an envelope and writing her name on the front._

_He seals it and before he sets it aside, he kisses it softly, thinking of just earlier when he had kissed her in Nurse Kanata’s kitchen. Her lips tasted like her tears._

_He didn’t want that to be a goodbye. He could never. He only wants her to be happy, but he sees so clearly that she’s miserable and he was responsible._

_“It’s gonna be fine,” he says, looking to the photo of them and the ring in the box. But this time, he knows he’s saying it to himself._

* * *

“His body temp is at ninety-three,” Poe points out. “That’s when he said–”

“We know!” Hux says, looking to Rey with a nod. “Ready?”

“Clear,” Rey says again before settling the paddles on Ben's chest. 

* * *

_A bright light flashes and with it something new appears._

_Rey is standing in front of him. Everything else is blurry. But he knows she’s there. Her mouth moves. He can’t hear what she’s saying but she’s smiling at him._

_More of her becomes clear as he sees she’s wearing white. Rose stands behind her and Hux is behind him...and off further, he thinks he sees his mother._

_Before he can make much more of the scene it evaporates into something else._

* * *

“What have we got?” Poe asks, holding the camera.

“Not a goddamn thing!” Finn shouts.

“Up me to three hundred,” Rey says to Hux and he does so immediately. “Charged...Clear.”

* * *

_Another flash like lightning comes, and with it, a new scene._

_Their bedroom materializes. Rey is there but she’s sleeping._

_The sight was a relief, to see the shape of her finally in their bed again. The urge to join her calls to him. The want to fall beside her and sleep forever. He feels so tired._

_But then there is an odd noise, breaking through the silence. Like all the water has suddenly drained from his ears._

_It sounds like crying. It is faint and unsure, but undoubtedly there._

_Across from the bed, where the desk should be is something else. And from it, is the origin of the cries._

_He sees something moving...squirming under blankets but it's dark. But then a little hand peaks through the bars before everything falls through again._

_Ben feels as if he’s tumbling, trying to keep himself awake to see these things he never got to see._

_The life he was foolish enough to risk for death._

* * *

“Begin CPR,” Rey tells Hux as they both shift so Hux is in her place and she moves to Ben’s face. 

“One-one thousand. Two-one thousand,” Hux calls out, his hands over Ben’s chest.

“Bicarb and Eppy in,” Rose tells them.

“Three-one thousand. Bag him!”

Finn growls out. “Shit, I forgot the bag.”

“Four-one thousand. Five-one thousand. Breathe!”

Rey hunches over him. She pinches Ben’s nose and breathes into his mouth. 

“One-one thousand. Two-one thousand. Three-one thousand. Four-one thousand.”

Rey whispers to him so faintly but she doesn’t want anyone else to hear. “Come back to me.”

“Five-one thousand. Breathe!”

She pinches his nose and breathes into him again. 

* * *

_It’s all dark now. But it’s louder than before._

_He hears crying and screaming. All different voices and all different volumes. There's a commotion of activity but it flashes by in a haze making it all a little disorienting._

_But then it all muffles as one voice reigns._

_“Come back to me,” she says. She sounds like he’s right in her ear though. Like she was right beside him._

_“Rey…” he tries to call. To let her know he was coming._

_But she must not hear him._

* * *

“Look at him! Not a goddamn thing!” Finn shouts nervously.

“One-one thousand. Two-one thousand. Three-one thousand. Four-one thousand. Five-one thousand. Breathe!”

“Ninety-eight degrees,” Rose calls out.

 _He’s still not back_. Rey’s hands feel shaky.

“CPR again. If he’s not back after this we’ll defib him again,” Rey says, pushing Ben's glasses further up her nose. Instantly, Hux starts again. 

“One-one thousand. Two-one thousand.”

“We’re at one minute!” Finn shouts, looking to his own watch. 

“Three-one thousand. Four-one thousand.”

“Come back to me, Ben. Please,” she whispers against his lips before taking a deep deep breath.

“Five-one thousand. Breathe!” Hux shouts and Rey gives him as much as she can offer, hoping it will bring him back.

* * *

_“Come back to me, Ben. Please.” Her voice breaks back through the darkness._

_It’s a beacon and he clings to it, even if he doesn’t know how. But he will do as she asks._

_Always._

* * *

A beat picks up on the monitor.

“We got him!” Poe announces.

Ben gasps for air and coughs as he rouses, his nose bumping Rey’s before she jolts up, wanting to give him room to breathe. Rey holds the sides of his face, trying to steady him with her shaking hands. “O2 up. Finn, help me,” she says, trying to wrestle with the mask.

Finn assists her and looks to Rose. “More eppy.”

Rey gets the mask over Ben’s nose and he settles a bit, his lashes fluttering as he tries to open his eyes. 

“Eppy in,” Rose says before moving to hover beside them. 

Ben relaxes a bit.

Rey keeps the mask over his nose, running a hand past his head, trying to soothe him so he stays at ease. 

_He did it. He’s back. He’s still here._

They don’t rush him as it takes him a moment and they are comforted enough by the consistent beeping coming from the heart monitor and his steady breaths. 

His eyes finally open and look up at them all. Even with the mask on, he starts to smile. But his eyebrows furrow a bit as he focuses on Rey. His lips move, like he’s trying to form words. 

Rey pulls the mask away. 

“Ben, can you hear me?” she asks gently, pushing the glasses to the top of her head.

He has the faintest smile on his face as he nods. One that almost looked like he could cry. “Rey?”

She sighs in relief at his voice. 

_He was alright._

“Welcome back, Solo,” Hux says, running a hand through his hair and chuckling. “Thanks for not dying.”

“The crazy son of a bitch did it,” Poe laughs madly, the camera shaking from his excitement. 

“Holy shit,” Rose says under his breath. 

Finn was tearing up and beaming as he looked down at the man. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it. It actually fucking worked.”

Ben hears them but he’s not listening. He can’t believe she came. He thought he had ruined everything and it was all over but she was right in front of him. His eyes well with tears. “Re...Rey, you’re here.”

He moves to sit up and Hux, Finn, and Rey help him a bit. Ben reaches for her once he’s up and looking at her reverently. Rey holds the sides of his face, inspecting his eyes and checking his nose for bleeding or anything else. He fights her grip slightly to keep his eyes on her.

Everything was clear. Ben was fine. His vitals were fine. His eyes were fine. He was breathing and sitting up, no physical sign that he was dead not just minutes earlier.

“You’re really alright?” Rey asks him softly.

Ben nods, smiling madly. Like he could almost cry just looking at her.

“Good,” Rey says dryly before she smacks him promptly across the face like Maz told her to do. 

Everyone gasps or holds their breath, all in disbelief of what Rey had just done. But instantly, she grabs the sides of his face. “You’re lucky you were right, you asshole,” she cries out before she crashes her lips against his. When he kisses her back, clinging to her for dear life, everyone smiles and sighs in relief, glad to see Ben Solo had more than just his life to cling on to.

_Because he was back._

When Rey pulls away from Ben, worried he needed more air, everyone chuckled as Ben tried to pull her back, his lips kissing the air as she ducks away.

“Stop it,” she tries to fight her own smile. She reaches for the knitted blanket, throwing it around his shoulders and trying to warm him up, tucking it around him. “You need to breathe.”

“I'm breathing just fine,” he insists, taking advantage of her putting the blanket around his shoulders to pull her back to him and hugging her, even though he could feel how Hux was beside them, trying to check him over too.

"So you're really okay?" Rose asks him, still sounding like she was in sheer disbelief.

Ben nods, chuckling softly before kissing the top of Rey's head when she sniffles. At that point, she gives in and just holds him too, knowing he was breathing. Her tears came through then. She just wanted to keep hold of him for a moment, feeling how his chest rose and fell with his steady breaths.

“Ben, you crazy motherfucker! You did it!” Poe cheers, jostling him a bit.

“How do you feel?” Finn asks with big eyes, a small but relieved smile on his face. 

"I feel good...really good," he breathes out, starting to peel off the electrodes on his temples. Hux starts to do the same to the ones still stuck to his head, satisfied with his health and Rey does the same to the ones on his chest.

“I think I’m hungry though,” he admits. Everyone laughs and even Rey chuckles softly against him. Her hands running up and down his sides, trying to warm him up.

“Well, considering you’ve probably gone to hell and back, I think you get to pick the restaurant,” Poe laughs, patting him on the back. “What do you feel like, big guy?” 

“Chocolate chip pancakes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, things don't seem too confusing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEET!!

Ben’s body feels like a live wire, almost too excited and overwhelmed to stay on his feet. Rey and Hux were on either side of him while his arms braced their shoulders. 

Ben and Rey had ridden in the back of his car while Finn, Rose, and Poe took orders and were going to go pick up food from Dex’s, thinking it would be best to debrief someplace private. 

They arrived back at their apartment which Rey opened with her own key although it has been weeks since she’s done so. They fumble inside. Ben told them he could move just fine but he didn’t argue too much because it kept Rey close. But then she pulls away.

“Get him on the couch,” she said to Hux as she moved towards the kitchen. 

Hux cautiously urged him onto the couch with a huff. He threw Ben’s coat over the back of the other armchair before slumping to sit down. 

Rey hurried back over with a glass of water and offering it to him before she sat beside him, watching him a little nervously as he gulped it down. 

When he put it down she grabbed his wrist and checked his pulse again. She did that probably every other minute on the car ride here too. He could tell she was still a little shaky still and he settled his hand on her leg, trying to make her understand that he was okay. 

“Rey,” he breathes out, but she shakes her head.

“No, I know,” she says, suspecting what he would say. “I just...I’m just making sure,” she says with a relieved sigh when his pulse still seemed steady. 

“You brought me back. You did everything perfectly,” he tells her, bringing a hand up to her face and leaning forward to kiss her again even though he can tell she's trying to ignore that.

Hux’s voice stops him. “Hey, I helped too, lover boy.”

Ben chuckled, looking to the redhead while Rey checked his temperature with the back of her hand on his forehead. “Thanks, man,” Ben says genuinely. He knew the others wouldn’t have gone through with it but Hux was on board. Luckily, it seemed like Rey showed up and helped him when everyone else was still debating on whether they should get involved or not. “Both of you,” he looks back to Rey. “Thank you.”

“Thanks for coming back,” Rey said softly before checking his blood pressure, getting the cuff around his arm once she wrangled with the sleeve of his sweater. They told him on the car ride back that he was under for sixty-seven seconds. After a couple of rounds of the defibs, they switched to CPR which ultimately revived him. All he remembers of the procedure side of it though is that he went under, feeling hurt that Rey wasn’t there and then when he woke up she was hovering over his face, wearing his glasses.

So no matter what, he feels better than he has in a while. 

* * *

Rey felt like the way a mother frets over a small child as she doted on him but she didn’t care. It felt like an instinct she couldn't turn off.

He wasn’t shivering anymore as he had been when they left the museum. They had to bolt in a bit of a hurry as they thought they heard security coming but now they were safely back home.

 _Home,_ she realizes. She was home for the first time in weeks and she missed it so much. Almost as much as she missed him. 

He finished off the final sip of his water and she instantly got up to refill it. He would need more fluids over the next twenty-four hours, she knows. The sooner she got him back to health, the sooner she could give him a piece of her mind, or at least that’s what she tells herself. She’s still too relieved that it actually fucking worked.

His blood pressure, temperature, pulse, and motor functions all seemed to be normal. It seemed to be successful but it didn't mean she wasn't paranoid.

She glances at him from the kitchen where she’s filling up the glass. It was all too relieving just to see the shape of him so close again. She looks back to the sink where the cup was overflowing now and she turns off the faucet, gathering herself. Especially once she sees their pictures are still up. He hadn’t moved a thing since she’s been gone. He’s been surrounded by these reminders every day but he must have been ignoring them. 

_He’s probably been so focused on this fucking experiment that he hasn’t noticed anything else,_ she reminds herself. 

Rubbing her eyes, she fills up the kettle as well and putting it on the stove before moving back over to the couch, passing him the water. “Armitage, I put the kettle on. I’ll see if we still have that tea you like.”

“Oh, thanks. That’d be great.”

She returns to the kitchen, despite how Ben tried to keep hold of her waist and keep her close. He’s been very touchy since he woke up. Almost like he was half drunk and very clingy. Even when she was attempting to dress him in the car and he kept telling her that she looked beautiful and that he was sorry. What exactly he’s apologizing for, she was going to make him explain eventually. But not now. She would prefer it just be them when they have that discussion. 

As she’s digging through the cabinets for the _Arkanis Dream_ tea Hux likes, she hears him come up behind her, clearing his throat. 

Rey quickly looks out of the kitchen to see Ben who was on the couch with his water watching the TV. She reminds herself he's probably fine and he's staying hydrated. Hux has a distinct, _We need to talk,_ look on his face. But she wants to speak first. 

“Thank you for helping me as much as you have, Armitage.”

“Don’t mention it. I promised him I’d go through with it. Besides, I should be thanking you. I thought the rest of them were going to bail before you showed up.”

Rey nods, understanding their hesitation enough where she couldn’t criticize it. “Well, I’m just glad he’s okay...but I also meant these last few weeks. I imagine you’ve been keeping an eye on him and I’m very appreciative for that. I know how he gets.”

Hux snorts. “I figured you’d hate me. For helping.”

Rey nods. “I might have, but I was so furious with all of this but now, after everything, after today...I just want to push past all this and be glad for what I do have and…” tears surge in her eyes as she steps forward, hugging him. He allows it, even though she knows he’s not partial to hugs. “I’m just glad he’s okay,” she tells him, her voice shaky. “I couldn’t lose him.”

Hux nods in understanding. “The guy really loves you. I used to tease him about it, you know, but he genuinely wants the best for you and I think he feels guilty for what happened.”

She wonders if Ben ever flat out told him of their argument or if Hux had to piece it together himself. Ben wasn’t always forthcoming with information but if you knew how to read him, you could decipher what was bothering him. 

“By the way, I heard about what happened with the board today,” Hux says.

Rey looks down at the ground, hardly believing how long this day has been. Her expulsion seemed to be a week ago but it was just earlier that day.

“Rey, I’m so sorry. That sounds like a nightmare. All your hard work...and for fuck’s sake, you’re better than I am. They shouldn’t turn you away. It’s bullshit.”

“It’s over now and at this point, I think I’m just glad for what I still have. Even if he drives me crazy,” she says, thinking of what Maz had said earlier. 

As if on cue, Ben calls from the other room. “Rey?”

Hux snorts. “Go ahead, I’ll find the tea.”

Rey nods, returning to the couch where Ben beams up at her with a very pure look on his face as he tries to get a solid hold of her. 

“Rey, will you just sit down for a second?”

“I did,” she reminds him, nodding to the place she was sitting beside him a few moments ago before leaning over to check his pulse and his temperature again.

“No, I want you to sit without doting over me every two seconds and just breathe for a minute.”

 _“I’m breathing just fine,”_ she teases, using his words from earlier. He gives the smallest hint of a smile but there’s a slight concern in his eyes.

Instead of a verbal response, his arm wraps around her as well as he can while he’s sitting to pull her closer. She allows it, taking too much pleasure in the heat from his skin to push him away or insist she was too heavy to be on his lap. 

He holds her close and she can’t help but wrap around him, tucking her face against his neck. She knows he feels the tears on his skin when he holds her tighter and breathing in her ear. “Sweetheart, I can’t even tell you–”

The sudden knock on the door interrupts him and Rey moves to answer it. Ben keeps her where she is. She’s about to argue when Hux moves out of the kitchen to answer it. 

Finn, Rose, and Poe enter with the bags of to-go boxes. 

* * *

The three med students got all the food on the table and Poe calls out to Ben, setting his wallet back on the kitchen counter. “Thanks, man,” he calls out. Ben had given his wallet to them to pay for the food in thanks for assisting him with all of this. 

Ben sits down at the table, ensuring Rey was sitting next to him. He felt like he needed her next to him at all times now that she was finally here again. 

“So, Ben...is it true?” Poe asks, looking at him from across the table.

“What?” he asks, opening the box of pancakes.

“Does death make you horny?”

Everyone rolls their eyes. “Jesus, Poe,” Finn groaned at him. "I told him not to ask that. He laughed about it all the way here," he holds up his hands in his defense.

“It’s a valid question. We were all thinking it. Actually, let’s ask Rey," Poe announces, shifting his focus to her instead. "Rey, in your opinion, do you think death has resulted in the increased sex drive of your boyfriend?”

“Fuck off, Dameron,” she says, focusing on her food. Everyone chuckles but her answer does something to him. Enough so that it makes Ben think that Poe may actually have a point but he quickly shakes his head, ignoring that. 

“Okay, but seriously,” Finn says, leaning forward. “Ben, this is...I mean this is huge! You do realize that right?”

Ben smirks, shrugging his shoulders. “I tried to tell you.”

“‘Huge?’ He’s walked on the moon,” Poe exclaims. “This is historic!”

“You know, I hate to admit it, but I think that’s true. This goes beyond just _The Amazing Mr. Hondo._ This is...I mean, this is groundbreaking, especially if you actually experienced something,” Rose says, looking to him and at her words everyone gets quiet, looking to Ben, waiting for him to answer the question that was hanging in the air. “Did you experience something, Ben?”

Ben nods, smiling at his pancakes before looking back up at them. “Yes...I did,” he says confidently. Ben can’t help but chuckle. “I can’t believe it was only a minute,” he remarks. 

“Actually, it was a minute and seven-“

“This is going to be insane!” Poe claps, talking over Finn.

“Calm down,” Hux groans at him before reaching to get some paper and a pen. “Okay, Ben, why don’t you explain to us what happened?”

"Can you describe a certain emotion or sensation, heat or cold, anything like that?" Finn looks to him curiously.

“Well, it’s hard to verbalize," he says and that was true. He remembers how real it felt at the time but now he doesn’t really know how to explain it. He just knew that it felt very powerful.

"Some people say they see a tunnel with a light at the end. Did you see something like that?" Rose asks.

Ben shakes his head, not recalling anything like that. “No. But it was...comforting, in a way. It was very personal and very emotional, like moments from my life where I’ve felt very strongly and I got to experience them all over again.”

“What, like a highlights reel?” Poe chuckles. 

“Would you just shut up,” Hux snaps at him.

Ben ignores them, “But, I think there were also things I had never seen before. Like...like quick flashes of things I always wanted but before I could really see them they were gone and I kept moving on.” And yet, he doesn't quite remember what they were. 

“Could you hear things?” Hux asks. “Could you hear us trying to bring you back?”

“I could hear the words from memories...and I could _feel_ them too,” he says, thinking back to getting his tattoo or when he and Rey were having sex, particularly in the library. He could physically feel those things, or at least he was convinced he had. "Like I felt them the first time."

And he had heard odd noises after those had passed. A jumble of all kinds of noises that could have been any number of things. It was almost unsettling, but then he remembers what broke through it all. 

_“Come back to me,”_ she had said. It was undoubtedly Rey’s voice.

He looks to Rey sitting beside him. She seems very worried. She hasn’t touched her food, that’s how he can tell.

“I think I did hear a little from you guys, towards the end,” he says, but he looks only at her and everyone seems to get the point. 

“Okay, wait. I'm sorry, but I have to ask,” Poe says, smiling a but looking very eager. “Ben, forget everything about medical school and books and all that other shit for a second. In your humble opinion, what would you say is the answer to life and death?”

Everyone kind of scoffs but Ben legitimately considers what he’s asking, the answer to which he thinks he is certain of as he turns to look back at Rey. Really looking at her.

She seems to understand a moment later as she shakes her head, looking at him like he had two heads. “Ben Solo, if you say I am the answer to life and death, I’m going to smack you again.”

Everyone breaks a few laughs before Ben gives his very serious response.

“I’m not saying you are, I just think that you might be the answer to...my life.”

Everyone goes very still, including Rey as she just stares at him, at a loss for words. She looks like she might cry again and he instantly places a hand on her leg, hoping she would understand. He probably shouldn't have declared that in front of everyone but he didn't care. Besides, they wanted to know what happened and his conclusions and this is what Ben truly believed. 

“Okay, I take it back,” Poe says, no longer with a teasing tone of voice. “Death doesn’t make you horny, it makes you really fucking smooth. That was the softest shit I’ve ever heard.”

* * *

Rey didn’t know what to say to what Ben had said, with everyone looking at them. She just stared at him, dumbfounded and lost for words. 

She had been so mad at him and annoyed and feeling o hurt these past weeks as it seemed he had made his choice...and he had. And she was so angry at him for that but she couldn’t seem to recall that when he was looking at her the way he was. 

She could only manage to cover his hand with hers where it rested on her thigh. She nodded to him, tears welling in her eyes, hoping he would understand. That they could discuss this more later when they were alone. 

Thankfully, Hux must notice because he cuts in, breaking the silence and asking Ben another question. She doesn’t quite hear him or Ben’s response but the table returned to some sense of stable commotion where she felt like she could take a deep breath without all eyes on her. 

She doesn’t touch her food, not having much of an appetite this evening. Too much had happened and it felt like she was digesting more than enough information and events rather than food. She closed the box again and stood up for the kitchen. She can tell Ben is watching her leave but she leans over to take his glass. “You need more water,” she tells him, purposely avoiding his eyes. His eyes had too much weight to them right now and there was a lot that needed to be said but couldn’t be said because even though this is her first time back in weeks, they have company over. The same company of friends that helped bring Ben back from the dead a few hours ago, but apparently they were all just going to precede like this was a casual Friday evening and not the biggest mindfuck they've ever had.

She gets in the kitchen, setting the remaining food in the fridge before she steps over to the sink. Before she fills up his glass, she just takes a moment to breathe, leaning against the counter and taking a long sigh.

She wonders if she should call Maz. Just to tell her that she was alright and that she wouldn’t be returning to the apartment tonight but she could come by and get her things tomorrow.

And then...what? She was kicked out of her dream school today. She wasn’t allowed to show up to the hospital anymore or to any of her classes. What was she going to do?

And then there was Ben. _Sweet, frustrating, beautiful, infuriating Ben Solo._

What was she going to do with him? She had plenty she wanted to say to him before but seeing him on that table, hearing what he had to say, mixed in with all her other feelings and acknowledging how much she missed him, she felt her anger fading. After losing so much, she was just glad she didn’t have to lose everything. 

Thinking best to start by calling Maz, she aims for the phone, but then Rose appears in the kitchen, approaching her not too much differently than she had earlier that day when she was still waiting to get called in by the board. _With caution._

“Hey,” she says, tossing her empty box in the trash. “How do you feel?” 

Rey is about to lie and say she’s fine, but she can’t seem to be capable of it. She swallows as well as she can before she speaks. “It’s been a really long day. I think I’m tired.”

“I can’t imagine,” Rose says, coming to lean against the counter beside her. “I was wondering earlier if we could try to petition the board or something but...I don’t think it works like that.”

Rey doesn’t think so either but she appreciates the thought. “That’s sweet of you anyway. Thank you.”

Rose nods but chews on her lip a bit and Rey knows something else is coming. “Rey, I had no idea that this was all going on. I didn’t realize that this is what drove you two to breaking up or why he was behaving so strangely the past few weeks. Finn has been really worried about him but I didn’t get the full story out of him until earlier and even then he was missing bits and pieces.”

“It’s a lot,” Rey agrees. “I...I hated leaving. I didn’t want to. But I thought it was the only way to make him understand. But when that didn’t work and he came to see me this afternoon...I don’t know, I guess, no matter how much he aggravates me, I can’t lose him. He’s...he’s a family I’ve never known,” she admits to Rose.

Rose glances back to the doorway, satisfied when they could still hear muffled talking from the table before she reached into her big sweater pocket. “You know...before you got there. Before Ben went to sleep, he gave us two letters. One was supposed to be for all of us involved, absolving us of any responsibility in case something went wrong," Rose says and Rey is just glad that now, given everything was fine, she didn't have to think about that outcome anymore.

"But then he gave me the other one,” Rose says, pulling out an envelope with Rey's name on it. “And he told me that I was only to give it to you in case it didn’t work. And although he’s back and everything seems to be alright, I think you should take it anyway. After all, it’s addressed to you.”

Rey takes the letter, looking down at it fondly, her fingers brushing past where he’s written her name. She always loved the way he writes. It was surprisingly delicate. 

She can only imagine what’s inside. Words he only wanted to share with her in the event of his death. Her eyes fill with tears but she bites them back as she smiles to her friend. “Thank you, Rose. For everything. Even going there and yelling at everyone because I know that’s probably what you did before I got there,” Rey chuckles and the smirk Rose gives tells her well enough how true that is. “Just...thank you for trying and for caring. It means a lot to me.”

“Don’t mention it. You’re my friend.”

Rey gives her a hug for the second time that day.

* * *

Ben was relieved when Rey finally returned from the kitchen. He suspected she and Rose were talking and he could only hope she wasn’t crying. When she finally came back out, he took a deep breath, smiling as she came back over with some water. 

She settles her hand on his forehead once more, seemingly satisfied with his temperature, before moving it to his shoulder and he looks up at her, thinking back to when he finally opened his eyes again to see her above him in his glasses.

He had been so devastated, watching his memories of them as he finally understood that he already had all the answers he needed. To go on some life-threatening expedition to find them now seems so foolish. Because he really thought it was over when his whole life and the future he never got were spilling out in front of him. He thought he was going to fall asleep forever and constantly be reminded of all the beautiful things he would miss out on. And even if he did wake up, she wasn’t going to be there. It would be too late and he would have to face the rest of his life knowing that he let her go.

But then she was here. She came. She brought him back.

He knew she wanted to talk, _as did he,_ but for now, he was just feeling way too fucking lucky to feel nervous or worried about anything. Because she was home. She was here. 

“How do you feel?” she asks him and Finn and Hux lean forward too, wanting to hear his answer.

He gives a small sigh, suddenly feeling exhausted. “I think I’m tired,” he admits, looking down at the to-go boxes, realizing he had two large meals and enough water to make his bladder cry out in protest. “And I need to pee,” he says, realizing as soon as he’s said it that he’s said it aloud. 

He did feel a little lethargic after the experience. Like he was kind of hungover or something. Perhaps it was seeing Rey and the euphoria of knowing that it worked and that he was alive that made him have a bit of a high when he woke up.

“Finn, we should probably get going. We have to report at the hospital in the morning.”

“Shit, I forgot about that,” he says, looking to his watch. He rises, grabbing his coat and his coffee cup. “We’ll have to debrief more later.”

“Thank you,” Ben says as they both start to gather themselves. Finn and Rose look at him sincerely. “I’m glad you both came. Thank you.”

Finn chuckles. “Thanks for inviting me,” he jokes. “It was...pretty historic.”

“Yeah, imagine how much more historic it would be if you ended up puking,” Rose teases, grabbing her purse.

Everyone laughs but Rey scurries over to give them both a big hug. Ben can hear her telling them something but he’s not sure what.

He does notice though that from across the table, Hux and Poe glare at each other before Poe turns away looking to his watch. “It’s late. I should probably get going too and let this boy get his rest. After all, the life of a celebrity is going to be exhausting once everyone finds out what happened.”

“Poe,” Ben says sternly, not wanting to joke around with this. “Don’t go gossiping to anyone about this yet. It’s too early.”

“I thought renowned fame was the whole idea,” he shrugs, putting on his coat. 

“Oh, fuck off,” Hux rolls his eyes. 

“Easy,” Poe holds up his hands. “I was just kidding. I get it. I won’t say anything.”

“Thank you...and thank you for filming. Make sure no one sees that but us. If I find out you played it at one of your parties–”

“I won’t. Jesus, listen to you guys. It’s like you don’t trust me.”

“That’s not what it is, we just know how eager you are to let everyone know how brilliant you can be,” Finn says, patting Poe on the shoulder. 

“Ah, well, sometimes people need to be reminded,” he says.

As everyone seems to be leaving he tries to speak over the commotion. He stands up, "Before everyone leaves, I just want to say, thank you to everyone, I guess. Thanks for saving my life," he chuckles and they all smile back at him.

"It was so much fun," Finn says sarcastically.

"Oh, Ben. you have such a way with words," he chuckles before coming over to give him a quick hug. "I'm glad you're not dead, Solo."

Ben chuckles, returning his embrace. As much of a pain in the ass as the guy could be, Ben was glad he was there. "I'm serious about that film. No one but us sees it."

"Mum's the word, old buddy." 

Satisfied that he will be secretive, Ben pats him on the back before moving away from the table, desperately needing the restroom. Everyone protests that he's moving on his own. Ben insists he’s fine so he moves along but he allows Rey to keep him steady as they walk for the bedroom and he ignores the wink that Poe gives him. Rey makes sure he gets into the bathroom okay before she mutters something about finding him pajamas, before leaving again to see out the others. 

He relieves himself before deciding to rinse off once again. He felt the need to be clean. 

When he emerges back into the bedroom, she’s sat waiting there with some clothes for him and probably too worked up to notice he only has a towel on. He felt himself kind of zone out then, just feeling relieved to see her in their room again. 

It makes him think more clearly of that one blip he saw. It was hazy then and he doesn’t think he remembers what it was until now. Like how sometimes you don’t remember a dream when you wake up until something reminds you of it. 

Ben had been standing exactly where he was now. Rey had been in their bed, sleeping. But there had also been another noise, he recalls. And the desk...there was something about the desk. 

_Wait...the desk wasn't even there. Something else was in its place._

“You kept everything the way it was,” she says softly, interrupting his thoughts. He notices she's looking around the room while he gets his boxers and sweats on, maybe distracting herself. 

He looks to her as he brings the new shirt over his head. “What would I have changed?”

“I don’t know. I just thought…” he catches her eyes looking to the photos of them he kept around. “I thought that maybe, you would have moved things around or–”

“No,” he assures her quickly. “I could never. If anything, I needed to have more of you around. Some nights I slept on your side of the bed because it smelled like you. I even started using your body wash because I missed you so much. Here, smell,” he tells her, raising his arms and she just giggles.

“I believe you.”

He lowers his arms but keeps his eyes on her. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he says, his voice croaking a bit, wishing he could recall the rest of what he had seen. It seemed important. But at least she was here and that was more than he could have hoped for.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asks when he doesn’t move. 

He shakes his head, unable to find the words as he looks back to the desk. He gives a soft chuckle. 

“Oh, goodness. You’ve lost it, haven’t you?” she asks him, smirking a bit and trying to get his attention.

“I...No, I think I was just remembering something,” he tells her.

“What do you mean?” she looks up at him curiously while she folded his sweater from earlier. 

“It was...it seemed so beautiful,” he says, “You were home and sleeping and I think–”

Suddenly there’s a faint knock against the open door and they turn to see Hux standing there. He thought everyone had left. “Sorry to interrupt. I just have a few questions.”

“Come in,” Rey says, setting aside Ben’s other clothes and urging him over to the bed to sit down. Ben wanted to glare at Hux for stepping in but he knew he was being ridiculous. Hux steps over, giving him a doctor sort of nod of approval, before addressing Rey. “How is he really?” he asks blatantly now that everyone else was gone. 

“His prognosis is excellent. Everything seems fine... _physically,_ at least,” she says, smirking but purposely avoiding Ben’s eyes. 

“Good,” he says, nodding. “Still, I think we should keep him under close observation for twenty-four hours. Not to sound presumptuous, but Rey, I imagine you’ll be staying the night.”

“She lives here,” Ben says, realizing how childish he sounded a moment later. He still feels oddly elated even though he feels tired. Like he's intoxicated or something but he was very aware of everything that was happening. It's probably really obvious to them but thankfully, both of them excuse it and he goes back to drying his hair with the towel.

“Yeah, I’m staying," Rey says, looking only to Hux. "I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“Okay. Good," Hux nods. He gives Ben a sly looking smirk over Rey's shoulder and Ben rolls his eyes. He could be so infuriating sometimes but Ben knows he's just messing with him. "I’ll come by in the morning just to check on him or follow up on questions but feel free to call me at any time if he starts to worry you.”

“He’s always worrying me,” Rey says dryly.

“What?” Ben pries, trying to get her attention.

Hux chuckles. “Yeah, well, I know how you feel, he’s been a pain without you around.”

“I can hear just fine, you know,” Ben tells Hux who was smirking, looking far too amused. 

“I was just checking. Best to test all basic senses and functions effectively after an experiment.” Ben gives him the middle finger but he just chuckles. “Motor functions seemed to have returned to normal, Dr. Johnson. Patient is ready for sleep.” Ben hates when Hux tries to use his doctor voice. He sounds so pretentious. 

“Very funny,” Rey says sarcastically. “Ben, thank Armitage again for being a good friend and for helping save your life before he leaves.”

“Thank you for saving my life,” Ben says through his teeth, but he knows Hux won’t be offended.

“You’re very welcome, Dr. Solo,” Hux says in his mockingly friendly voice. He moves for the door and Rey follows him. But he spins around one more time, looking way too mischievous. “Oh, and I regret that I have to say this but, I would advise that the patient refrains from any strenuous activity for the next twenty-four hours as well. And I would say that definitely includes intercourse.”

Before Ben could throw something back, Rey speaks up. “Armitage, where are your fucking manners? Don’t think I won’t smack you too,” Rey says seriously and Hux spins away with a smile. Ben can't hide his own.

“Very well,” Hux chuckles, hopefully, finished with his little act. “Good night, Ben.”

Rey follows him out to lock the door behind him and giving him final goodbyes. 

He slumps onto the bed, relieved when she comes back in with another glass of water for him. "Here."

"Thank you." 

She leans by the desk, crouching a little to untie her boots. He can’t help but smile, scooting over and pulling back the blankets on her side of the bed. She hasn’t been there in so long. He wants to make sure she's comfortable on her first night back, especially after such a long day.

But then she slumps down in the desk chair with no sign of moving. 

“What are you doing?” he asks her.

“ _I’m watching you,_ remember,” she says plainly, resting her elbow on the desk and leaning her cheek into her palm.

“But…” he looks at the empty sheets next to him, “You need rest too,” he tells her. She scoffs but he shakes his head, moving to the end of the bed. “Rey, you had the early shift this morning, you saved a woman’s life in the ER, you had a long meeting with the board members that screwed you over and just that alone would require you to lay down and rest but then you also had to deal with all of my bullshit and I think that means, by now, you really need to lay down.”

Her eyebrows raise in question.

“To _sleep,_ obviously!”

She looks half convinced. “If I’m sleeping, I’m not watching over you. And I need to. I need to make sure you’re okay,” she tells him, her voice cracking a little. She looks around the room, avoiding his eyes again.

“Rey, I’m fine. I know there’s a lot we need to talk about but,” he’s so exhausted, “let’s save that for tomorrow. I’m tired. You’re tired. We can face all of it later but for now, let’s just rest.” She almost looks like she could cry again. “Please, Rey” he croaks out. 

“I don’t have my toothbrush,” she says as if that excuses something.

“Use mine.” She snorts. “No, I’m serious. And take one of my shirts to sleep in," _like you used to,_ he thinks but doesn't say. "Whatever you need.”

He’s afraid she might decline but Rey gives a small nod and it’s enough to feel like he could breathe again. 

She rises, taking some things out of the drawers before stepping into the bathroom. When she reemerges, her hair is back down and her legs are smooth and long from beneath one of his t-shirts. 

She comes to her side of the bed. As she sits down, she reaches out to him, checking his pulse one more time before she gives a deep breath and finally lays down.

Once she does, he smiles, reaching out for her, his arm snaking around her waist. He pulls her close, even though he can tell she’s already thinking too much about it. “Ben–”

“I know,” he cuts her off, hearing her explanation before she even spoke it. “I know we have a lot to talk about and everything is weird and I’m an idiot but we can talk about it later. For now, let’s just sleep. Let me just hold you and tell you I missed you because I mean it and there’s so much more I want to tell you but it can wait. For now, I just want to pretend like everything is normal and this is just us sleeping and holding each other because we love each other.”

She looks like she could cry again but she bites it back. "Did you mean what you said earlier?"

He already knows what she's referring to. 

_I just think that you might be the answer to my life._

"You know I did," he breathes out. 

She nods, sniffling as a few tears escape but before he could brush them away she just melts against him, tucking her head under his chin. “Goodnight, Ben.”

“Goodnight, Rey,” he whispers, wrapping himself around her and for the first time in weeks, finding restful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, seven chapters in and we finally completed the first full day in the story.
> 
> Writing angst is hard and I always just make them hug it out, omg. Heavy talks coming later, for now, they snuggle.
> 
> I know this is pretty stupid and very sappy but thank you for reading<3!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is BUSY, but I would recommend just rolling with it because that's my excuse for my stupid writing.

Rey looks to the clock beside her. It was nearly five in the morning now. When she first woke up it was three-twenty one. She hasn’t gone back to sleep since then. She keeps looking over to Ben, trying to count how many times he breathes in a minute or just watching the rise and fall of his chest as if she was hypnotized. 

She feels so overwhelmed. 

She doesn’t know if she’ll ever not be angry with him for this. But he was alive and here and okay and Rey supposes that she's not as angry as she would like to be. Because he was Ben and he always did this to her. He didn’t even know he was doing it. 

He was acting so peculiar after he was revived. Like he was always trying to keep hold of her. Like he was constantly trying to tell her something, but he either couldn’t express himself properly or they were interrupted. 

And then they were both exhausted so they fell into bed with the promise of a discussion on the horizon but perhaps it was the delayed confrontation of all of this that kept Rey from finding a night of restful sleep.

She moves from the bed. Grabbing Ben’s sweater she had folded and set aside, she slides it over her head before making her way back to the kitchen, with one objective in mind. 

Opening the cabinets, behind the glasses and mugs, she pulls out the letter Rose had given her earlier. The one Ben had written. The one she was only meant to read if Ben had reached a different and more permanent outcome in that empty museum. 

Rey stares at it for a long moment before she finally decides to read it. 

She opens it, moving over to the window, in the early light of the morning and the streetlights and windows of the early risers. She doesn’t know why she’s shaking as she unfolds it but she has to take a deep breath as she looks to the top where he’s typed her name. 

_Rey,_

_If you’re reading this, then, I suppose I’m a bigger fool than I ever could have imagined. Not only did I manage to lose you but my life as well. I only want you to be happy, and I realize now, after seeing you this afternoon, that I was keeping you from that. I was causing you so much pain and I hate that I am responsible. I really want to be the person worthy enough to be with you and deserve your love but clearly, I wasn’t._

_But as I may no longer be able to be there for you, I want you to know that in the event of my death, everything I have goes to you. I know you probably don’t want it. Maybe you don’t want anything more to do with me after everything, but please, I urge you to take it. Take the money and go get your medical degree at another school or do whatever you want to chase your dreams because I believe in you so much and I know whatever you choose or whatever wonderful things you pursue, you are the most deserving person of the greatness that I know awaits you._

_I hope you know that being with you was truly the best experience of my life. You awakened a hope and a confidence in me I never thought myself capable of. But you do that to people. You bring out the best in them. I’ll never quite understand why, out of all the people you could have been with, you chose me but I will never take it for granted._

_I am painfully aware of what I’ve done to you and I only hope that my death does not devastate you into changing. I don’t want you to lose this beautiful light that you radiate because of me. I want you to grow and do the amazing things I know you’re going to do because you’re Rey. And no, that’s not fair to you because you’ve been through enough that you shouldn't even have to think about all this shit but I suppose that’s just another indication that you were too good for me._

_I know now that, even if this experiment does work and I’m alive at the end of all this, that I’ve lost you. But no matter what, I hope you understand just how much you mean to me._

_Which is why you'll find a ring in our bedroom. I never got to give it to you but it’s yours and even though we may not ever be married, I want you to have it._

_I never really saw much for myself outside of school. I never gave myself much thought outside of what career path I was on. But then I met you and suddenly, I found a belonging and a purpose I didn’t know I was capable of. I saw a part of my future become more complete as I started to see more for myself besides just getting my degree and becoming a surgeon. I realized that living went beyond just what my grades are. I lived my life to the fullest with you, even when we just sat on the couch, eating take-out in our pajamas and watching Twin Peaks._

_You were my first and only love and I believe that if I am to die tonight, I’ve already experienced and shared a love and a life better than I deserved and I owe that to you. That sounds so dramatic, but I don’t care because I know, I can feel, how true it really is. I know you hate it when people say this, but you’re a literal ray of sunshine that broke through my dark and broody demeanor and brought out a side of me I didn’t know I had. You really were the light of my life._

_I could never say it enough but I love you so much. I only hope I can tell you that myself and that you won’t ever have to read this, but if you are, I guess I’m too late._

_I never meant to hurt you. I know you’ve been hurt by people you have loved before and I hate to think I might have been no different or that you may feel abandoned by me. I am so sorry for everything. I’m so sorry I’m like this._

_I love you dearly, Rey Johnson, and I hope you know that the best part of my life is you. And that will always be true, whether I die today or a hundred years from now; I love you._

_Yours always,_

_Ben Solo._

Rey’s hands are still shaking as she finishes reading, her tears falling into the fabric of his sweater.

She sniffles, wiping away at her face, trying to skim through it again, feeling like his words haven’t quite sunk in. 

But then she hears something in the quiet apartment. She stifles her cries, trying to decipher what it was until she’s running back for the bedroom, clutching the note.

She could hear Ben...and he sounded like he was crying.

* * *

_It’s dark, but it’s loud._

_He can hardly see, but he thinks he hears cars driving by. Fast, like on the highway. It’s blurry and he doesn’t know where he is. He runs, chasing something although he didn’t know what._

_It must be raining because even after things become a little clearer, it still isn’t clear. But he’s running forward anyway._

_The noise kind of drowns out until all he can hear is his frantic breathing._

_But then he sees another figure out in the rain. He runs to get a clearer look._

_“Rey?”_

_He could swear it’s her. But she doesn’t look at him._

_“Rey, what are you doing?”_

_She doesn’t move. Maybe she doesn’t hear him. He runs forward, trying to meet her. Something feels wrong. He feels terrified although he doesn’t really know why. He just knows it’s bad._

_But then he hears another noise, one so loud that it overpowers everything else and with it, everything goes black._

_Ben!_

* * *

“Ben!" 

Ben’s eyes snap open and he gasps for air, finding himself back in their bedroom and Rey is hovering over him again.

"It's okay. you're okay," she tells him gently. It’s too dark to make out her expression but just from her voice, he can tell she’s concerned. “You were dreaming. You're alright now."

He understands although his body is taking a moment to catch up. It felt so real, even though he didn't really know what was happening. It was scary though and he pushes himself to sit up, reaching for her. And he sees enough from the dim light of the window that there are tears on her face. She’s been crying.

“Rey?” he breathes. 

“Just take some deep breaths,” she tells him gently before doing the same and he forces himself to match her so he calms down a bit. Her hands moving in soothing motions on his back. 

He takes a sigh of relief as she runs her fingers through his hair, probably fixing it a bit from sleep and he doesn’t even mind when she tucks the strands behind one of his ears because she gives her own sigh of relief. 

He nearly speaks then but then her hand moves to the inside of his wrist, checking his pulse. When she seems to be satisfied, she slumps a bit. “Jesus, Ben. You scared me,” she tells him, her voice croaking a bit before she buries her face in her hands.

He realizes that’s why she must have been crying. He’s stressing her out so much. “Rey, really. I’m okay,” he tells her, reaching out for her. “It was just–”

“I read your letter,” she says quickly, cutting him off.

He freezes. He’s heard her but he’s still trying to connect the dots with what she’s saying. _Did she mean..._

“You what?” he breathes out so quietly he’s not sure he even spoke but she seems to hear him. 

Rey spins around, grabbing something from the foot of the bed before turning back to him with the paper in her hands. She looks down at it instead of him as she passes it to him. “Rose gave it to me,” she says, sniffling. 

Ben sighs, realizing what’s happened. “She wasn’t supposed to...I told her–”

“I know, but she gave it to me anyway,” Rey says and Ben can’t tell if she’s upset, or angry or what. But whatever she’s feeling, his words made her cry and he supposes he can’t hide any longer. They need to talk about it.

And suddenly, he can’t find the words. He feels like he gave it his all in that letter and to speak means he would just repeat himself. He wants to hear what she thinks. But she seems to be waiting for him.

“I...I don’t know what to say,” he starts lamely, reaching to turn on the lamp before burying his own face in his hands as he tries to recount everything he revealed in that letter. Everything Rey is now very aware of, including the rung he had stashed back in his sock drawer.

“I’ve been so angry with you.”

He drops his head. “I know.”

“And then yesterday you came by, and I thought, maybe I could convince you to see this from my point of view. I wanted you to understand how much it hurt me...and after reading this, it sounds like you know how much it hurt and you still wanted to do it.”

“I know.”

She shakes her head, crying and clinging to the letter. “And what, because you think I deserve better, you figured you would go through with it anyway?”

“Rey, I know I’m not good for you, no matter how much I want to be. I figured I lost you the second I let you walk out of here and that if I couldn’t do that then you just deserved someone better than me.”

“That’s not up to you. I make my own choices and I chose you.” She pokes him in the chest. “When I gave you a choice, you made it clear what you wanted and you didn’t pick me.”

Ben reaches for her, bracing her arms with his hands, wanting to keep her where she is so he could attempt to explain himself. If he has to watch her leave their home another time that may actually kill him. 

“I–I thought I was doing what I had to do so I did it but then…” he gives a heavy sigh, trying to think of what to say to her now. It seems like a pivotal moment. He won’t just sit here like an asshole like he did two weeks ago. He has to be better. 

“Rey, you read the letter. You know how I feel. And I know you probably hate me for everything I’ve done and I’m way past the point of no return. I only want what’s best for you and I know all too well that the best isn’t me. But that doesn’t change the fact that I love you and I want to spend my life with you. And...death, as brief as it was made that all the more clear for me.”

Rey shakes her head, looking skeptical. “Ben, how can you be–”

He reaches for her hands, urging her to let him finish. “Rey, everything that I saw, all that I remember or saw little glimpses of, it was about you. And I hated that I had to sit back and see this beautiful person, knowing that my obsession with the answers for this experiment meant I had risked the best and happiest aspects of my life.

"And that haunts me that I was blind enough to go through with it, knowing how you felt. Hell, even that nightmare,” he gestures to the pillows behind him. Where she had awoken him several minutes earlier, “I think it was about you. I’m terrified of losing you because now I know that...that after all these chances, if I lose you, that may be the real death of me and I know that sounds crazy and stupid and probably overly dependent but I,” he finally takes a breath but a sob comes out, “but I mean it.”

Rey’s lip trembles, reaching for him. Her hands frame his face. She opens her mouth, looking lost for words. When her eyes close, tears fall and she nods, finally speaking. “Ben, you have to understand. You’re my family...you know that,” she tells him, shaking him slightly. “I don’t want to lose you either.”

He feels his own tears streaming. It actually pained him to hear that from her. He knows how important family is to her after wanting one for so long. To know she thinks of him as her family is probably the highest regard Rey could give. The fact that she still considered him so was equally relieving and heartbreaking. “I’m so sorry," he breathes out, practically melting into her, holding her. I wish I wasn’t so stupid but I am and I don’t know why you love me but–”

“But I do,” she finishes. 

He stares at her, wondering if he should allow himself to feel so hopeful. “Still?”

She nods. “And as pissed off as I am, I am infinitely more relieved that you’re just okay and here. And I suppose, as abhorrent as the concept was to me, I am proud of you, but only for scientific reasons. The other parts of my brain are still angry.”

“But you still love me?” he asks, sounding in pure disbelief.

She trails her fingers along his skin and the gesture relaxes him as well as it always does. He takes a deep breath. “Ben, I love you always.”

He gives her a sad smile and leans his forehead against hers. “I love you so much.”

She kisses him softly and it’s like another breath of fresh air. 

“Will you stay home for good?” he asks her before he thinks better of it. 

She nods and her nose nudges against his. “Yes. I’m home.”

His shoulders sag with relief to know that her presence will not be gone after the morning comes. He holds her closer, kissing her on the corner of her mouth before diving to hug her tightly. 

He’s decided that even though he may feel like he doesn’t deserve her, he will spend the rest of his days trying to be who she deserves. Because she’s right, it isn’t his choice to make for her. She loves him and she wants to be with him and he doesn’t know how he’s lucky enough to be holding her again, knowing she wants to stay. 

They hold each other like that, on the edge of the bed for a long time. Long enough for the room to start getting brighter again. He even wonders if she’s fallen asleep against him, her breathing is so steady. He hopes so. He knows she hasn’t been sleeping and that although they laid down to sleep, she didn’t really rest. 

But then her voice startles him a bit, realizing that she’s not only awake, but her voice was clear enough to reveal that she wasn’t crying anymore and she spoke with so much clarity.

“Ben?”

“Hmm?” he hums contently into her shoulder.

“All of this was true then?” He pulls back to look at her and she gestures to the now crumpled paper. “That you wanted to leave me everything?”

Ben chuckles. “Yeah.”

"Your family money?" she asks, shaking her head slightly.

"I know you wouldn't accept it easily," he chuckles, "I was going to get Hux to talk you into taking it. I needed you to have it."

She smirks, rolling her eyes. He laughs softly, ducking to kiss her jaw. 

“And...you wanted to marry me?” she asks, quieter this time and he freezes. His breath fans out over her skin as he recalls what he had mentioned of the ring in the letter.

“Yes,” he says into her ear. 

He can feel her hands cling to him a little tighter. “And now?”

_Was she serious?_

Ben pulls away from her a bit, looking into her eyes to see that she was really asking him. So, he rises from the bed. He finds he's a little dizzy but he suspects it has nothing to do with the experiment last night and more to do with her question hanging in the air. She watches him with big watery eyes. He can’t help but smile before he opens his sock drawer and takes out the little box.

He looks down to it as he returns to sit next to her. “I was walking down the street when I saw it in the window and I thought of you,” he tells her softly, opening it to show her. “I had only known you for about two months but,” he chuckles but her eyebrows raise as she realizes how long ago that was, “I was convinced...as much as I am now.”

He hears her give a soft gasp at his words, so he passes her the box so she can look at it for herself. She takes it, holding it like it was a newborn chick. It didn't look as small in her hands.

“Rey, I know it’s been a lot and I don’t want you to make a decision right now. But there’s no reason to keep it secret anymore. Of course this is what I want. I've been certain of that since..." he shakes his head, trying to pinpoint when he realized it. But he's always known with her. "Well, since I saw you in the hospital that day and you helped Billy stop crying.” 

Ben feels so disappointed in himself. This isn’t one of the dozens of scenarios he had tried to orchestrate over the past two years. He wanted the moment she saw the ring to be perfect as he was down on his knees and offering her everything he is, asking her to spend her life with him. But any chances of that are shot so he just tries to take this in stride, supposing he was already lucky enough that she accepted moving back in. To turn this into an impromptu proposal seemed unfair to her, especially when the past two weeks they haven’t even spoken.

“I already told you in the letter that it was yours so,” he waves his hand in the air, “the way I see it, you should keep it, regardless of what you ch–”

“Yes,” she says suddenly, confidently.

Ben freezes, looking at her completely as all traces of sleep are now gone. He stammers, trying to figure out what exactly she was saying. “You…?” he clears his throat. “Yes?”

“Yes, Ben Solo, I would like to marry you.”

Maybe he was still dreaming. He’s been awake for not even ten minutes. At this moment, twenty-four hours ago, he was waking up by himself and sulking around their apartment before he went out for his early morning walk out by the water as he contemplated the evening’s experiment. 

And now, the next morning, he was sitting up in their bed, with Rey beside him, and possibly getting engaged. 

He rests his hands over hers where she was cradling the little ring. “You would?”

Rey nods.

“Don’t you think you should contemplate that a little longer after how I fucked up–”

“I can make my own choices,” she tells him again, this time more sternly.

“I thought I drove you crazy.”

“You do,” she chuckles, wiping away at her tears.

“I thought you were still angry at me.”

“I am,” she said, slipping the ring onto her finger.

"And we just got back together like...just now."

"I remember," she nods, smiling at her hand.

“But you want to marry me?” he couldn’t believe it. Maybe he really was dead. This seemed too unreal.

“I do,” she says.

Suddenly, the dwindling glimpse of another vision he nearly forgot crashes back through his mind. Not all of it, although he doesn’t think he saw all of it to begin with. But he instantly recalls the sight of Rey standing before him, wearing white. 

_Maybe that’s not so impossible after all..._

This time, Ben braces her face in his hands as he crashes his lips onto hers. The empty jewelry box falls from her hands and tumbles to the floor as she throws her arms around him, kissing him fiercely. 

He pulls her closer, into his lap. He clings to her waist while her hands hung to his shoulders. He can tell she's wrestling with the collar of his shirt and he gives a breathy laugh as he manages to pull away just enough to manage it. He tossed his shirt away, instantly reaching for the hem of his sweater she was wearing and pulling it up and over her head. 

He's about to do the same to the shirt she was wearing but her hand settles over his chest. 

“Mmm. Wait,” she groans against his lips. “Ben, we can't.”

Ben keeps pressing kisses to her throat.

She gives a breathy kind of laugh but nudges him away. “Armitage is right. You shouldn’t get your heart rate–”

“My heart is fine, as is the rest of me,” he chuckles, pulling her closer so she could feel for herself that was true, bucking his hips against hers.

She gasps, but she still manages to speak. “I know, you’re probably fine but please. Let’s just honor the twenty-four hour grace period because I would never forgive myself if your heart was to burst in the middle of us having sex.”

"I can think of much worse ways to die," he retorts, sliding one of his hands further up her thigh.

She shoves him away with a scoff. He laughs, seeing her point. “Okay. Fine,” he huffs but looking begrudgingly to the alarm clock, “But in roughly fifteen hours we’re continuing this.”

“Agreed,” she breathes, giving him a chaste kiss before checking his temperature with the back of her hand. “You need more water. Stay here, catch your breath,” she teases as she moves off of him and walks back out of the bedroom.

He laughs to himself as he falls back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling in disbelief and catching his breath as she suggested. 

_Rey wants to marry me...Rey still loves me…_

As much time as he spent planning for his experiment, he planned to do write-ups and observations, but none of that really interested him now. Now, all he could think about was her. And the future. The future he was so afraid he lost but now seemed possible again.

He brings a hand to rest over his beating heart and her name that was forever etched in his skin. 

She returns with some water and the blood pressure cuff. 

When she’s convinced that he’s stable, she tells him to lay back down. He urges her back into bed. He pulls her close so her back is against his chest and he kisses the nape of her neck. He reaches down for her hand and together they admire the ring on her finger that was hidden away in a box for too long.

Together, they fall asleep and Ben doesn’t even think about that weird nightmare that he had because if this was a new dream, he didn’t want to wake up from it. 

Everything seemed to be the way it was supposed to be...

Until about an hour later when suddenly, muffled voices are arguing in the hallway.

Ben sits up, ready to investigate further when he hears the front locks turning. Rey sits up then too.

“Mmm, what is it?” she asks groggily. 

Just then the door opens and it unveils the voices for who they are and he remembers that Hux has a key to their place.

Ben groans. “It’s Hux and Poe.”

She chuckles a bit, slumping back for the pillow. "They're children."

He kisses her head, trying to tuck her back in so she could rest still. "I know," he agrees, ready to intercept them before they get any louder and reaching for his discarded shirt. But then the two of them come barging into the bedroom, mid-argument. 

Poe marches forward with a finger raised and his tone filled with warning. “Ben, don’t listen to this asshole. I thought of it first. I was here first and I was knocking but I tried to stay quiet because you were resting–”

“Shut the fuck up, Dameron,” Hux snaps at him. 

“No, it’s not fair. Just because he has a key because he waters your plants when you’re gone doesn't mean he gets priority.”

Ben holds up his hands. “Slow down," he tries to say fairly quietly, nodding to when Rey was sleeping, hoping they would catch on. "What the fuck are you two on about?”

They don’t slow down. 

“No, I woke up earlier. I got here first. I go first,” Poe announces.

“Well, I was the one that actually helped him with this shit so it should be me!” Hux says over him, pointing to himself. 

“Shut it!” Rey snaps, sitting up from the bed.

The two men go quiet instantly, both looking to her with big eyes. She gives a heavy sigh and both Poe and Hux look to Ben as if to ask for help before she continues but he just smirks, far too amused by it all. They didn't listen to him so now they face Rey's wrath which they fully deserved after barging into their bedroom they way they did. 

“Poe, sit down and be quiet for two fucking seconds please?” She points to the small armchair behind him which he reluctantly slumps to with a huff. 

“Thank you," she sighs before looking over to the other man who remained standing at the foot of the bed with his hands on his hips. "Armitage, very calmly I would like you to explain to me what you came here to say.” Poe starts to argue but she gives him a stern look. “And then Poe, you can say what you came to say. But everyone is going to act like the fucking adults you are.”

They agree, avoiding eye contact with each other but they finally relax. 

“Okay, thank you." She reaches for the scrunchie on the nightstand. The one Ben had stared at every night for two weeks and she was finally using again as she wrangles her hair into a messy bun as she addresses Hux. "Now, Armitage. What’s on your mind, love?”

Armitage nods in thanks to her, before taking a breather and composing himself. “Alright, well, given the fact that the experiment was a success and shows promising results," he says, gesturing to Ben, "I think it’s clear how we proceed from here and I want to be the one to do it.”

Ben shakes his head, looking to him curiously. “Hux, what the hell are you talking about?”

Hux chuckles a bit, looking to him incredulously as if it was obvious. 

“I _want_ to go next.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole thing is really flying off the rails. I know it's stupid but thanks for coming and reading if you did, lol.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my mind, canon Poe has a lot of chaotic energy so I channel that more than I should in this story...also kind of integrating with William Baldwin's character Joe from 'Flatliners' but obviously they're going to have some differences (to anyone that's seen the movie).

“I want to go next.”

Ben’s smirk falls as he realizes what Hux is saying.

“But I got here first so I should go next,” Poe whines. 

“Shut up,” Hux snaps to Poe before looking back to him and Rey on the bed. 

Rey scoffs beside him. Muttering as she stands up from the bed and heading for the bathroom. “For fuck’s sake.”

“Rey?” he calls after her but Hux talks over him. 

“Wait a minute,” he frowns, looking to Rey as she disappears in the bathroom, wearing only one of his t-shirts. “Did you two shag when I specifically told you not to?”

Poe bursts out laughing and Ben is ready to kick both their asses. 

“No, we didn’t sh–” Ben cuts himself off, refusing to answer so he glares at Hux, finally putting his shirt back on. “Listen, you barged in here with no respect to our privacy so you can fuck off and stay out of our personal–.”

“Alright,” Hux holds up his hands. “My apologies. I was just trying to keep you alive.”

Ben groans, recalling it was because of Hux’s instructions that they stopped themselves before they went too far. 

“Okay, but seriously, I’ve had this idea since last night,” Poe says, rising from the chair. “I should go next.”

“Just because you got to their apartment first, doesn’t mean shit.”

“First of all,” Ben says, holding up his hands. “This experiment was my idea. This was a concept I got from my grandfather’s journals. I pursued the experiment and just because I’m alive doesn’t mean that you should all start lining up after me.”

“But–”

“Secondly, even if I had thought that way before, I’ve decided that we’ve already gotten enough from this experiment. I got what I wanted and as far as I’m concerned, any attempt at further trials are pointless.”

“Pointless?” both Poe and Hux whine.

“You were the one so obsessed with this for weeks. It was all just living and breathing from the stupid journal that–” Hux starts to complain but Poe’s comment overrides it.

“All of a sudden, you’re just going to walk away from this? Your Nobel prize-worthy, moon landing level shit?”

“Interesting. Last night, it was ‘Frankenstein-level shit’ and now you think it’s award-winning,” Ben looks to Poe with a smirk. 

“Well, that was before I saw the whole package,” Poe defends himself. “But now that I know what we’re dealing with, I can safely say that you, Ben Solo, are a genius and definitely my best friend,” he says with a wink.

“Thank you,” Ben says unemotionally, unconvinced. Poe sounded like a used car salesman. “Can you excuse me for a minute?” he asks with a false sense of courtesy as he shouldn’t have to ask for privacy in his own bedroom but they needed to realize they were crossing a line with their petty and stupid argument. He slips into the bathroom to find Rey leaning over the sink, splashing water on her face. 

“I’m not listening to either of them until they start taking this shit seriously.”

“I know. I think they need to be separated. They get like this when they’re too close to each other.”

She stands up, drying her face with a towel. “Why? They didn’t use to be like this. I thought we all used to hang out without conflict and now they’re in some fight on who kills themselves first.”

As she lowers the towel, he takes in the sight of her from the mirror. 

“Rey, I can get them out of here if you want to sleep more,” he says, coming up behind her as she reaches for his toothbrush. 

“No, I’m up,” she says, shaking her head. “I just can’t believe them sometimes,” she manages through the foam of the toothpaste. “Besides, they came to speak about this, and obviously we need to talk about it. And I’m sure you have a lot you need to...you know, record and digress in terms of your research.”

“I’d rather digress with you,” he says, wrapping an arm around her waist, one of his hands holding up hers so they were both looking at the ring. “It’s a big thing. Getting engaged. I think we’re allotted at least one morning of solitude to enjoy it for ourselves.”

“ _No, I didn’t!”_ from the bedroom floods in and both of them slump a bit. Ben realizes that solitude would be ideal, they certainly wouldn’t be getting it now.

Rey spits in the sink but passes him his toothbrush with a smirk. “As much as I agree, I think we’re busy babysitting.

Ben sighs. “I know,” he takes the toothbrush, directing her to spin around to face him directly before ducking to kiss her, not minding that some of the foam from around her lips gets on his. “We’ll have to wait about…” he bounces his head a bit, wagering, “thirteen hours and forty-five minutes.”

Rey gives a hearty and beautiful laugh before rising to kiss him again. “Until then,” she promises. 

_“Don’t look at me! It’s annoying!”_ comes from the bedroom.

Rey groans. “I’m going to one in the kitchen and one in the living room. Maybe that will get them to stop screaming.”

Ben smirks, not envying his idiotic friends in the slightest. “Why don’t I get dressed. I’ll take one of them out with me to get coffee and you can keep the other one.”

“I don’t think you should be going anywhere.”

“I’m feeling good. Besides, I think I could use a little air. The walk will do me good.”

She doesn’t look entirely convinced and she rechecks his pulse. She gives a small sigh. “Alright. But I don’t want you drinking coffee in case it affects your heart rate. Get something without caffeine, like a juice or something.”

“I will. I was thinking about that too,” Ben tells her with a soft kiss to her forehead. “You worry about me too much.”

“No, I worry as much as I have to. You have no idea how much energy you are to handle,” Rey teases.

He laughs. “No returns.” 

* * *

“Armitage?” 

Rey sat on the couch, still wearing Ben’s shirt but she’s added some sweat pants in the presence of company. She’s trying to urge Hux into speaking as he sat on the other end with a closed expression. He had argued that he would go with Ben but Poe won out at that so he was stuck with her.

“Armitage, you came here to talk. Believe it or not, I’m here to listen.”

“I’m sorry for how I behaved. I’m just embarrassed. He always–” Hux starts but groans in frustration before diving into his hands. “He just drives me up the fucking wall.”

“So I noticed,” she says dryly. “I’m gonna fix you that tea. I think you need it,” she huffs. 

“No, leave it. I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine or sound fine,” she tells him. He looks like he got less sleep than she did. “And honestly, Armitage, I don’t understand why you would want to do what Ben did in the first place. It worked, isn’t that enough? Do we really risk doing it again just because you’re curious.”

“Rey, we’re scientists. Of course, I’m curious. And I have a feeling that his mind was a little preoccupied. It sounds like his own personal heaven is just... _you_. And no offense, because I’m sure that’s lovely but I would like to see for myself what lies beyond death. And now that we know that we can revive ourselves, I think it’s pretty standard of any experiment.”

Rey sighs, knowing that in a way, he’s right. Were this any other kind of study, more than one subject or variable would need to be tested. But Rey was just so grateful that Ben came back in the first place. When he went into what he actually experienced, Rey was a little taken back but she’s not sure if that was so much to do with death either. He had just finished writing his letter to her that was very emotional and reflected on their time together. Perhaps what he saw was more along the lines of a dream he had when he was first put under with nitrous and unrelated to the minute he was technically dead. 

But he was so mystified by it and so convinced that, for whatever reason, he was convinced that she was what awaited him after death. He was so certain that’s what it was.  
But Rey admits she was skeptical, because certainly if anything was to be found after death at all, she doubts it would have anything to do with her. And suddenly Hux’s intentions become a little more clear. 

“It did sound pretty mad, didn’t it? Him thinking I could be the answer to life and all that?”

“It’s bonkers, Rey! And don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for it. Ben is one of the smartest people I know but I could tell before he went under that he was a little odd. Like he was emotional but convincing himself he wasn’t. When everyone was trying to ask him something he just kept it all very clinical. Like he couldn’t submit to anything he might actually be feeling because it would be a distraction. And, you know, finally saying it out loud, that’s kind of in accordance with how he’s been the past few weeks.”

Rey nods. 

“But then after, he’s...I mean, I think obviously it helps that you’re here because I know that’s all he really wanted, but now it’s like he’s matured. Woken up from something,” he shrugs. “And I guess I just want to figure out if he’s that much of a genius or if he really did just have some wet dream.”

Rey scoffs, smacking him playfully on the arm. 

Hux finally gives the smallest smile. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s stupid, but I just think it’s got the potential to be something huge. And, if last night and this morning are any indications, I think that he might be losing interest. Which I know you’re grateful for but there’s so much more we need to explore before we’re done.”

Rey gives a heavy sigh. “I hate to say it, but scientifically speaking, I know you’re...not wrong.”

Hux chuckles. “Wow, thank you, Dr. Johnson.”

“Not a doctor anymore,” she remarks but her words echo in her head for a moment after as she looks down at her hands. “Or I guess I never was, was I?”

“No, you’re a doctor. Believe me, you know what you’re doing. We can sort that problem out too. To get you back into Corelia or find you a new school. You’re destined for a career in helping people. It’s in your nature.”

“Well, thank you. I appreciate that,” she says honestly. “Although I suppose I wouldn’t put last night’s events on my resume. I’m pretty sure this is...some form of fucked up murder. I’m not sure how everyone thinks we can get some sort of recognition with this when it would easily get all of us thrown out of med school and very likely into jail.”

“Well, Dameron seems to think the bravery and celebrity status is worth the risk,” Hux scowls at the mention of Poe. “I know that’s the only reason why he’s doing this. To try to get some sort of fame out of it. Or use it as some bloody pickup line at the next party.”

Rey watches as Hux sits, hunching forward again. The effect Poe had on him was substantial and she thinks it exists long before this morning’s conflict. She’s had her suspicions of Poe’s sexuality before but she never would have imagined that he or Hux would have gotten along anyway. And clearly they don’t but maybe that wasn’t always the case.

“Armitage?” she starts softly. He doesn’t look at her but she knows he’s listening. “Did...did something happen between you and Poe?”

Hux practically deflated against the couch with a groan and a furrowed brow. It was answer enough even though it gave her many more questions. 

“When?” 

He shakes his head, looking to her more vulnerable than she’s seen from him. “Rey, you have to promise not to tell anyone. Not even Ben.”

“Alright. I promise.”

Hux leans forward so his elbows are in his knees. He’s hunched again. “It was over the summer. It lasted for a few weeks before school started. Whatever ‘it’ even was. I don’t know. I thought one thing and when it was clear he was just 'exploring his interests' he kind of fell back into his ‘pussy-marauder’ persona and...fuck, it makes me feel so stupid. I even saw it coming but I didn’t listen. I just thought...Christ, I don’t even know. I guess I just hoped he could prove me wrong.”

“I’m sorry,” she says, scooting closer to rest a hand on his back, trying to be comforting. She knew Hux wasn’t the most touchy person but he doesn’t seem to recoil from her. “I had no idea.”

“He wanted to keep it very private. For half of it, you and Ben were in Chandrila visiting his parents.”

“Did he say anything to you?”

“Rey,” Hux groans. “I really admire your listening and understanding capabilities but I honestly just don’t want to talk about it. It’s nothing to do with you. You’re the first person I’ve told.”

Rey nods. “It’s okay. I understand. I won’t say anything.”

“I just want to move on but then he keeps weaseling in and now he’s pulling this stunt just to get more attention. Or maybe just to piss me off. I can’t tell.”

“Poe can be...difficult. I’m not sure he even knows what he’s doing although he always likes to appear very suave and under control. And if he’s not he lashes out. If anything, maybe he’s just confused right now. Not that it excuses how he’s made you feel, but maybe he’ll come to see that.”

Hux scoffs. “He won’t.”

Hux was more of a pessimist than Ben was sometimes. In Ben’s case, she always found a way to break through it and convince him to see a lighter side to it. That he did better on his exams than he thought he did. That he was more compassionate than he thought he was. Or that his ears were quite adorable and not freakish as he insisted. 

Actually, she hadn’t convinced him on that, he still hated his ears. 

Regardless, Hux was always a bit more difficult to crack. Once something was doomed, it was doomed. 

So, knowing words of comfort won’t help him, she just past her hand on top of his, letting him know that if and when he wanted to talk or be open to any consolation over this, she would be listening. 

He seems to understand as he gives a heavy nod before he looks down at her hand and his face changes. “What the fuck?”

“What?”

He takes hold of her hand, holding it up so he’s inspecting the ring on her finger. Rey chuckles as she understands his surprise. “Rey, did Ben propose to you?”

“Well, not exactly but he made his intentions known and I accepted,” she said, realizing how British she sounded a moment later and laughing. 

“Rey,” Hux breaks into a big grin. “I’ve been here for almost an hour and you didn’t say anything? Ben didn’t say anything?!” he asks out, with wide eyes, genuinely shocked.

“You were the one who barged in and made a scene. Excuse me for not–”

“I know, I know. I’m horrible,” he laughs. “But seriously, that’s amazing. I’m glad you two figured it all out.” He leans forward, giving her a friendly hug. 

“Me too.”

When he pulls away, he looks to the ring again, laughing. “You know he got this ring like twenty minutes after he met you.”

Rey snorts.

“No, but seriously. You got together at the beginning of the summer and before we went back to school he had already gotten it for you. I remember the day because it was back when I was staying in the guest room of his old apartment. He got back that day and literally nothing could wipe the smile of the bastard’s face. He was so smitten with you, I assumed he must have just seen you but then I saw him fiddling with something in his pocket all evening and I eventually bullied it out of him. I think he would have asked you then if I hadn’t told him to just take it slow.”

“Aww,” Rey coos. 

Hux rolls his eyes. “Of course you would think that’s cute.”

“It is,” Rey argues.

Hux smirked, “He would stare at it when he thought I wasn’t looking. I saw him carry it around almost everywhere he went with you. Like he was always on the verge of asking but I think he eventually calmed down and decided he would wait,” Hux laughs before calming down and looking again to it now sitting on her finger. “But...in light of everything, I think it’s rather fitting. I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you.”

“But seriously, please tell me you didn’t have sex. I don’t want it to affect the results of the experiment’s success rate–”

“We didn’t!”

“Alright! Sorry, I was just checking,” he laughs but Rey just rolls her eyes. “Which reminds me--I should have asked this earlier but he seemed alright--How did he hold up last night? Any odd or notable after-effects?”

Rey shrugs, “I was up most of the night, just watching him. Checking his pulse and just making sure he was breathing.”  
“You starred at him while he was sleeping?”

“Technically, it was my job to watch him and I was overly paranoid. I had been the one to…” she makes a defibrillator gesture with her hands, “...you know, I was just being certain.”

Hux snickers, mimicking her hand motions and she smacks him again. 

“Anyways, more importantly, I got up near to five to go to the kitchen but then I could hear him from the bedroom. Like he was crying.”

“Crying?”

“I rushed in and his eyes were closed but he seemed so distressed so I tried to ease him awake. He was having a nightmare. I don’t know if it’s related to the procedure of not but he was terrified and it took a moment for his pulse to stabilize and his breathing to return to normal. It scared the shit out of me.”

“But he was alright? And he’s fine otherwise.”

Rey nods. “Everything was fine this morning. Although, remind me to check his blood pressure when he gets back.”

“Did he usually have nightmares?”

“Not like that. Not bad enough where I would wake him up. I know he’ll have them every so often but he’ll tell me about them the following day. But this one was different.”

“Did he tell you what it was about?”

Rey sighs. “He said it might have had something to do with me. I don’t know. He mentioned something about losing me but that was all.”

“Maybe it’s nothing then. Just lingering fear that you would leave again after finally coming home.”

“Maybe.” Rey runs a hand past her face. “It feels like yesterday morning was a year ago. So much has happened,” she says with a shake of her head. 

And then a great big yawn interrupts whatever thoughts of the day she might have been thinking. She was still exhausted. She hadn’t been sleeping well at all in the past two weeks, too unsettled or sad to rest. But now that everything had...settled a little.

“Rey, I think you really need to sleep.”

She nods, “I’m just going to shut my eyes for a bit. I know you hate TV but you can watch whatever you want.”

“Thank you... _Mrs. Solo,_ ” he smirks.

Rey can’t help but smile as she leans against the armrest with one of the throw pillows. 

_Rey Solo._

She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t imagined it before. She’s not sure where Johnson came from. She had tried to investigate if it had been her parents’ surname before but she suspects it was given to her along the way at the orphanages or foster homes.

She’s even wondered if Rey was her real name. 

But now she was being given something that meant more to her than ben could probably imagine. His name. She treasures the fact that he would want to share a part of his family in such a way. 

She knows it’s just a name but it really did mean the world to her. 

Dozing off to the black and white movie Hux had put on, she marvels at how much her life has changed in the last twenty-four hours. 

She had saved a woman’s life. Got expelled from school for doing so. Was confronted by her, at the time, ex-boyfriend, followed by basically killing him before bringing him back to life, then returning to their apartment, falling asleep for maybe two hours, then waking up, talking to her ex-boyfriend who she realizes was never really her ex-boyfriend to begin with but before he could officially revert back to just “boyfriend”, she realizes now he was technically her fiancée. 

It sounded like the kind of soap opera plot David Lynch would cream over but it was her life and she was just glad that at that moment it had slowed down enough for her to breathe. 

Honestly, she’s not sure what would happen from here but she’s just glad that it seemed to be going forward and she and Ben could face it together. Actually, they and all their friends could.

So she allows herself just a little longer to rest.

* * *

Ben walked along with Poe as they left the coffee shop. He’s half-finished with an orange juice but he was bringing back a coffee for Rey. He had to refrain from taking a sip, knowing Rey was right. This morning he really should just stick to juice. 

Poe was quiet for once and it might have had something to do with Ben nearly scolding him since he’s been nothing short of a total pain since he barged in this morning. 

He and Poe didn’t have much in common. They both were in med school and they were friends, but Poe Dameron was very different from him. 

Poe was a textbook extrovert. Constantly throwing parties. Constantly hitting on every girl he meets. It was exhausting really and Ben will never forget the day Poe and Rey were introduced. Poe was eager to tell Rey that she was welcome to his apartment any time if she wanted to study and Ben had to grit his teeth to not scream. But Rey just grabbed Ben’s hand and cheerfully informed Poe that she already had a “study buddy” but thanked him for the offer. It wasn’t often people turned Poe down and it had been way too satisfying for Ben’s ego.

Once Poe realized Rey was committed, he didn’t try to flirt with her which Ben was thoroughly surprised with. But he knew Poe’s focus never stayed for too long in one area when it came to his more carnal interests. Another thing that was vastly different from Ben.

When it comes to those topics with Poe, Ben gets a little fiery as he doesn’t feel comfortable exploiting the intimate nature of his relationship with Rey. It was for them so it stayed between them. 

So when Poe asked him, “Did coming back to life to the face of your girlfriend have desirable effects on the make-up sex?” Ben told him to shut up and as punishment, he made him hold the coffee he got for Hux. 

But he knew they needed to talk so he tries to stir conversation up again. “Poe, why do you even want to go under? Do you care about this experiment or are you doing this because you think it will get you famous?”

“Can’t I care about both?”

Ben scoffs, rolling his eyes and tucking Rey’s scarf tighter around his neck. 

“No, I’m serious. It’s impossible to have any kind of signature these days or to get any sort of momentum for your work when there are so many people in this field..especially when there’s assholes like you in the class who have the highest grades and don’t let anyone else have the top spot.”

“I don’t get good grades for attention. Besides, that doesn’t mean I have the highest grades in the school.”

“Well, you have _some of_ the highest grades in the school, a full bank account, a beautiful girlfriend, and a handsome head of hair. You’re set. You don’t have to think about being famous because your life is already sweet.”

Ben just shakes his head. “So, you think because you’re missing those things that would explain why you desire to be famous?”

“Don’t sound so judgy. I’ve been waiting for something. A path of greatness I was destined for and I think this is it.”

Ben sighs, not sure how to respond to that. 

“I just want to know what’s out there. I mean, maybe it’s all relative to who it happens to because I doubt the rest of the population would be faced with Rey in the afterlife. It’s specific to you. We need to learn more about this so it’s clearer. Right now, and I’m not saying it was, it sounds like you just nodded off and had a bunch of dreams about you and Rey getting busy.”

“It wasn’t–”

“My point is that yes, it was a success and I realize you just got your girlfriend back so you probably don’t want to take a chance at losing her again but the truth is that your efforts won’t count for shit unless we get some solid observation and testing implemented here with more subjects.”

Ben furrows his brow, trying to listen to what he’s saying. He hates that he’s right. But he won’t do anything further with this unless Rey was onboard. He wasn’t risking anything else with her, especially after she agreed to marry him. 

“Fiancée,” he says bluntly. He can’t help himself.

“What?” Poe looks to him, taking a swig of his coffee.

“Rey’s my fiancée. We’re gonna get married,” Ben says proudly. He wants to shout it to the sky so the whole city could hear but he refrains.

Poe suddenly has a massive grin on his face. “Dude, are you serious?”

“Yeah. I gave her the ring last night, or I guess early this morning.”

He got engaged maybe two hours ago, he realizes and he was out strolling with Poe. He needed to remedy that. He speeds up for his building, eager to just see her again, in their apartment with that ring on her finger. 

“Solo, that’s amazing,” Poe tells him with a tone that was surprisingly genuine for him. Poe steps in front of him raising both the cups in his hands so that Ben could do the same with his own. They tap the cups together in the tamest form of celebration they could do. "Cheers, Benjamin."

"Cheers," Ben smiled. "Thanks, Poe," he says before returning to their previous pace.

“Wow, you came back from the dead, got back together, and engaged in a matter of hours. I’m surprised you two didn’t actually kill us when we barged in...or that you were wearing clothes for that matter.”

“Yeah, well if you pull any shit like that again, I promise I will kill you,” Ben says, holding open the door to the lobby for him. 

Poe chuckles but waits until they are in the elevator to ask. “Does that mean I get to go first?”

Ben groans mid-sip of his orange juice. “No, that’s not what that means. We’re not making any decisions until we talk to the others.”

“Dude, you’re so whipped. You just want to hear what Rey has to say.”

“So what if I do?” 

Poe shrugs with a smirk, not giving a retort but quickly changes to the next topic. “That reminds me, how long have you had that tattoo?”

Ben huffs, nearly telling him it was none of his business but he finds he quite likes the story. “I got it right before our anniversary,” he answers, thinking back to the memories he saw last night and it felt like he was getting it all over again. He needs to remember to record that in his own journals.

“Wow, who would have thought that nerdy oaf from freshman year who had only seen boobs from medical illustrations would have turned out to be the smoothest bastard in the city.”

“You’re not helping your chances, in case you’re wondering,” Ben deadpans.

Poe rolls his eyes. “I did get here first so technically, if we do continue, it should be–”

“Yes, Poe, I remember what you’re argument was, but when we get inside I encourage you to just sit tight and for the love of fuck don’t start arguing with Hux again.”

Poe huffs but seems to accept these terms as he buttons his lip while Ben reaches for the door. He wonders again what the hell was going on between Poe and Hux that would have stirred this kind of behavior. Because this stupid argument was hardly the first over the past couple months. 

But then they step inside and before he can announce to Rey that he brought her a drink, Hux waves over from the couch, holding a finger to his lips. Setting the drinks on the table he walks over to where Hux was to see Rey was curled up on the other side of the couch, sleeping. 

“Your fiancée is exhausted,” Hux whispers. 

Ben beams, looking down to her hand that rested over her middle and the ring that sat on her finger. “She told you?”

Hux nods, giving him a friendly pat on the arm. “Congratulations, Solo.”

“Thanks,” Ben whispers, leaning over to brush the hair out of her face and settling the blanket from the armchair on top of her. He knows she needed sleep and it was relieving to finally see her getting some. 

He has half a mind to carry her back to bed but then Poe clears his throat behind him and Ben turns to see him holding Hux’s coffee as far from him as he could. “This is his,” he says, annoyed but thankfully he’s quiet about it.

Ben nearly scoffs but he holds it in. He heads for the kitchen and they follow him as he shrugs off his coat and the scarf. 

“Okay,” he starts, his voice a little louder now that they were in the kitchen. “I want her to sleep as much as she can. She’s had a real shitty couple of weeks and the last day has been a fucking rollercoaster so here’s what we’re gonna do. I would say you’re welcome to stay but I can’t trust you won’t start fighting so just go home or whatever for a little while. Finn and Rose will probably stop by once they are done at the hospital and if at that point, you’re both going to act like adults, you can come back and we can talk about this rationally.”

“Okay.”

“Fine.”

“Good. I’ll call you,” Ben tells them, ushering them for the door. 

“Oh, Rey wanted to check your blood pressure when you got back.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Ben tells them. 

“Are you really kicking us out?” Poe asks, still holding both coffees. 

“Are you really going to ask me that after you basically kicked your way in?” Ben asks him, taking the second cup out of Poe’s hands and setting it in Hux’s, not trusting Poe to give it to him unsupervised. “Now go play nice like the children that you are and when you come back, I want you to act your fucking age.”

“Okay, dad,” Poe scoffs, turning himself around. “See you later.”

Hux waits until Poe is down the hall and in the elevator before he makes to leave. Poe seems to notice but not acknowledge it, as if the two of them had an unspoken agreement they wouldn't be leaving at the same time.

“Thanks for the coffee,” Hux said with a small raise of the cup. 

"Course," Ben nods while Hux makes to leave. Ben calls to him before he goes too far. “Hux, wait.”

“Hmm?” He asked, taking a sip. 

Ben looks back to the couch before ducking a little further into the hall. “Did she say anything?”

Hux chuckles. “I’m pretty sure she thinks you're kind of crazy for thinking she’s the answer to the universe or something but it hardly matters. She besotted with you.”

Ben smiles to himself. 

“But if you’re talking about moving forward with the experiment, I think she’s... _open_ to it. And I’m not just saying that because I want a turn.”

“Alright, well, we can talk later.” Hux nods, ready to leave again. “Oh and Hux?”

“What?”

“Next time you use a key to our apartment don’t barge into our bedroom with a full blown argument in suit.”

“Oh please. At least you were dressed. Maybe you still owe me for that time you walked in on me at the old apartment.”

“Goodbye, Hux,” Ben said quickly, not wanting to dwell on that memory. 

Hux laughs as he finally heads down the hallway and Ben closes the door. He steps over to where Rey was on the couch once more, just glad to have her home in the first place and further astounded at everything else. 

He feels a pull to kick off his shoes and join her but he knows he has to at the very least start recording some of his thoughts and observations about last night.

Ben’s not sure what he was expecting to see in his death but what he got gave him all the more reason to live. And as he looks over to Rey sleeping on the couch, he knows he has a lot to live for.

* * *

Rey woke up with the sun streaming in the windows. She looks to the clock in the wall to see it was past twelve and she perks up, looking to see than not only was Hux no longer on the couch but he didn’t seem to be here at all. Actually no one was here.

She sits up, pushing the blanket away that must have been put on her after she fell asleep. 

As she wakes up a little more, she actually hears the familiar sound of Ben’s typewriter. Heading over to the bedroom, she peaks in to see him hunched at the desk. 

“Did they kill each other?” she asks him.

He spins around in the chair, surprised to see her but he smiles at her anyway and she likes to see it in the light of the afternoon. “No, I sent them off until Finn and Rose can come around. I couldn’t trust them to keep quiet.”

“What, so I could sleep?”

“Mmhmm,” he hums, pulling her down to his lap. “You needed it.”

“What and you didn’t?” 

“I feel good. I promise,” he tells her, kissing her temple.

“So you thought you would get to work?”

“I’m just trying to remember everything I saw so I’m writing it down. But I think we should get a computer because my fingers are too big for these keys. I keep fucking up.”

“Do you need me to help you?” she asks, looking to his papers.

“No, it’s alright,” he tells her, taking his glasses off. “I need a break. It’s hard to put into words so I was about to come check on you.”

“Check on me? You git, I’m supposed to do that to you,” she huffs, realizing she needed to check his blood pressure hours ago.

“I already checked it. Along with my other vitals and everything’s fine,” he tells her.

“Well then for my own state of wellbeing will you let me see for myself?”

“Okay,” he allows, sitting on the edge of the bed while she grabs the stethoscope and the blood pressure cuff.

“Thank you,” she says softly, pulling his shirt up over his head. 

“You talk to Hux this morning?” he asks her while she fretted over him. 

“A bit, yeah. He’s very interested in continuing the ‘study’ if that’s what we’re calling it. But you already know that.”

“I imagine his reasoning is more scientific than Poe’s who I imagine really would like to get on TV.”

Rey snorts. “He can be so predictable.” His blood pressure seemed alright so she frees his arm and fixes his shirt sleeve. “What do you make of all this?” she asks him, watching his expression.

He takes a deep breath as she settles the stethoscope on his chest. 

“I know that if this is a study, it would be sensible to continue. Explore further variables. I didn’t foresee that happening because everyone thinks I’m crazy.”

“We do,” Rey deadpans. 

Ben takes her comment in stride. “But now that it was a success, they are curious and they want to see what happens to them. Poe thinks it was a little too personal to be easily interpreted.”

“Armitage said the same thing,” she said. “And in a scientific sense, I suppose they’re right. They went about it in the most ridiculous way but...I don’t know. Are we really discussing continuing this?” she asks him, satisfied with his heartbeat and pulling the shirt back over his head.

He purses his lips a bit and she knows he’s trying to find the words. She sits down beside him, holding his hand. “I...don’t know. I mean, technically, we know it’s effective. It worked and we can be revived. But I feel like after going under, all that it really proved to me was that the point of the experiment was...maybe kind of redundant. All it made evident to me was that I couldn’t die because I wanted to get back and live my life. I needed to,” he tells her, squeezing her fingers.

He really was convinced, Rey realizes. He really thought her the answer to it all. 

“Maybe you did get brain damage?” she says, running a hand through his hair. He giggles a bit, only proving her point further but he doesn’t seem bothered. He just beams at her. She smiles back. “I missed seeing you smile,” she tells him softly, tracing her fingers over his lips. 

“Must be brain damage. I never smile,” he teased before leaning forward to kiss her again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I know it's pretty stupid but hopefully, things will start to get more interesting.
> 
> Also, I don't know why but I really like the idea that Rey and Hux are friends. Like Pam and Dwight on occasion, haha.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, everyone is an idiot. But they are my children and I love them, so...yeah. That's the plot.

Several hours later they were standing at the door of Finn and Rose’s apartment. They planned for them to all meet up at Ben and Rey’s but since Ben was feeling alright and Rose was in the mood to make dinner for everyone, they relocated there instead. 

Finn opens the door with a smile, standing aside to let them enter. Already it smells amazing and there’s music playing from the stereo. For a moment, Rey thinks back to the small parties and dinners they used to have. But they haven’t done this since school started. Partially because she and ben were broken up and he’s been so devoted to his own projects. But also because of the two men that had yet to arrive. The two men who hated each other. But Rey finally knew why. 

After greeting Finn and Ben reminds her to take off her coat, she wanders to the kitchen to find Rose busying away. 

Rose was an amazing cook, and oddly enough, Rey has noticed that Rose tended to cook the most when she was feeling a little frazzled. It helped distract her from stress which explains why on finals week she kept them fed well. 

But now, Rey suspects that it’s mainly because of last night’s events that was the result of the beautiful spread she seemed to be making. 

“Rey,” she beamed. “I didn’t even hear you come in,” she said, wiping her hands on her apron before stepping forward to hug her. 

“We just got here.”

“How are you holding up?”

Rey gives an incredulous laugh before pulling away to look down at her friend. “I think I’m good. I don’t know. It’s all been a bit wild lately but yeah, I think I’m good.”

Rose chuckles with a shake of her head. They can make out Ben’s voice in the other room as he speaks to Finn and Poe. “How about him? He’s still in one piece?”

Rey beamed. “Perfectly healthy. Physically at least."

"But he probably still thinks you're the origin of the universe or something?" Rose cracks with a smirk. 

Rey nods. "Kinda. But I find those side effects to be quite enjoyable.” Rose laughed, pulling her towards the counter. 

“If I were you I’d have clobbered him,” she laughs. “But Finn and I have been talking all day...and frankly, we’re kind of blown away. I mean, I go back and forth with being pissed off and fucking amazed because I can’t actually believe that he was right. I mean, Poe was right. It's like he landed on the moon.”

Rey sighs. “You know that's why Poe and Armitage are arguing, don’t you?”

Rose snorts. “I know that's why Poe and _Hux_ were arguing if that’s what you mean,” she says, tossing the salad. “Why you call him Armitage like you’re his British governess, I’ll never understand," she remarks before pressing some setting on the oven.

“Do you need help?” Rey asks, recalling her manners. 

“No, I’m basically finished. We can eat when the two idiots get here, I’m just fiddling because I’m riled up.”

“I know how you feel,” Rey tells her. 

“But grab whatever you want to drink. We have wine and beer.”

Rey isn’t really in the mood to drink. “I’m alright now, thanks. But I can set out glasses and plates.”

“Oh, that would actually be great. It sounds like Finn got distracted. Asking Ben his questions. He went and bought a tape recorder today just so he could start recording the progress.”

Rey chuckles, pulling out six plates from the cabinet. “Really?” Rose nods. “So...are you two interested in continuing the study...or whatever we’re calling it?” Rey asks timidly, trying to sound nonchalant as she counts utensils. The two of them were very opposed when she had stormed into the museum last night. But when Ben woke up, they seemed to be more impressed than anything.

Rose stills a little bit before looking to Rey directly. “We’re keeping an open mind. I can tell Finn is already kind of invested. I heard him naming off potential book titles earlier. My personal favorites were; _Working Alongside the Eccentric Dr. Solo_ and _Handbook for the Recently Resurrected._ ”

Rey laughs pretty loud.

“How about you?” Rose asks after a moment.

Rey is quiet for a moment before she answers. "I'm scared,” she says honestly.

“It’s fucking terrifying,” Rose says, crushing a handful of croutons over the salad. “But I have to say, there were few more memorable moments in my life than seeing you revive Ben, slap him silly and then kiss him. Seriously, that’s pretty iconic...Maybe that should be the title of my book?”

Rey giggles, but then she hears her name from the other room. “Rey?” Ben’s voice called out. 

"Let me go check on him," Rey smirks, taking the plates with her. 

“Rey, help me!” She enters back into the room to see Finn cornering Ben with a tape recorder. “He’s hounding me,” Ben whined. 

“Incorrect,” Finn says into the little device. “I’m asking the subject academic queries that are based upon his experiences regarding the study.”

Rey rolls her eyes at them, setting the table, but Ben makes his way over to her, as if using her as a shield between him and Finn's tape recorder.

“Asking me if I thought it was an exploration into my erotic mind was not in regards to–”

“Ben, I’m just looking for more concrete ways to think of this,” Finn tries to sound serious but he laughs.

“I told you the best I could. I’m working on a written up version. If you don’t piss me off I’ll let you read it. Just get that stupid tape–”

Ben is interrupted by the sudden knock at the door. Rey prepares to turn to open it but Ben snags her hand. “Finn, go interrogate whoever’s at the door,” Ben says, pulling Rey closer to him. 

Finn laughs, way too amused with his new toy as he turns for the door, revealing Poe with a fancy looking bottle. “Hey hey, Solo,” he said, striding in with a big grin. “I got you some of that Corelian Whiskey you like so much.”

Rey snorts. Ben hated that whiskey. Especially after that one New Year’s Eve party at Poe’s place where Ben got really drunk and giggled into her neck for forty minutes before passing out on her lap and she braided his hair while he slept. 

“Poe, you can’t bribe me into anything,” Ben tells him. 

“Not right now, I can’t but I’ll give it a half-hour and then we’ll ask that guy instead.”

“Poe, stop it. I don’t want him drinking until it’s been the full twenty-four hours,” Rey tells him and Ben squeezes her hands in what she knows is a silent _Thank You._

Poe huffs, “Alright. Fine. I’ll save it for a later date. Perhaps your celebratory drink for after I’ve–”

“Poe!” Rose shouts from the kitchen. “I can tell you’re being annoying so come help carry stuff!”

The man turns away, setting the bottle down at the table and stepping into the kitchen and Finn moves for the door when there’s another knock. But when Rey makes to move, Ben pulls her closer against him. “I only like you. I can’t tolerate anyone else,” he said, ducking to kiss her temple.

“Is that why you want to marry me? You can tolerate me?” she deadpans.

He laughs. “Yeah. basically,” he says dryly.

* * *

Hux knew he would be the last to arrive because when he approached Finn and Rose's building, he saw Poe head in. Not wanting to get stuck in the elevator with him, he waited outside for a minute before going in himself. But he is still welcomed into the apartment with a smile from Finn and no one seems to be the wiser that he's arrived just after Poe. 

He walked into a wonderful aroma of Rose’s cooking and soft music. He can already hear Poe’s obnoxious voice from the kitchen but Finn gives him a friendly pat on the shoulder as he pulls him inside. 

And then he sees the two of them. The smartest idiots he knows. Ben and Rey. 

He shouldn’t say that but it’s amusing that they could think they could stay away from each other. It only made sense that the instant they got back together Solo would finally give in and propose to her. Or whatever happened. Rey didn’t give the whole story to it but regardless, she now had a ring on her finger and Ben couldn’t keep his hands off of her. Even now, they were clinging to each other.

He can’t help but smile at them. He was happy for them. And in a way, it helped to talk about things with Rey earlier. And Hux made a decision today that when they came back together to discuss this he would really try to be as mature as possible. He didn’t want to let Poe get to him when he knew the man was a lost cause anyway. 

It was better if he just left it all behind him. Which of course would be easier if Poe wasn’t always trying to rile him up but he was going to try to ignore it. Basically, he’s glad he opened up to someone about it. 

Of course, when Poe strides in from the kitchen with a big dish, Hux’s jaw clenches slightly but he quickly looks away. Rose trails in behind him with a salad. “Oh, Hux, you’re just in time. We’re all ready to eat.”

“It all smells amazing,” he tells her, familiar with the smaller woman’s tendency to cook. 

They all gather around the table. Hux takes the seat that’s furthest from Poe which lands him next to Ben. He glances over and he sees Ben and Rey's hands are clutched together and settled on his leg. Ben’s thumb was tracing around the ring on her finger. 

It was strange to have this side of Ben finally back but it felt right. He’s been moping and disheveled as he’s buried himself so deep in all of this. Thankfully, if Hux went through with it too he would get to skip that phase. 

They all get their own portions of food onto their plates and everyone showers Rose with unending compliments. She waves it off.

“Oh please, I never would have made it in the first place if it wasn’t for mister tall, dark, and crazy over there. He got all of us riled up,” she gestures to Ben, giving a look of mock annoyance even though her lips upturned slightly at the corners. 

Laughter fills the air. And Poe spares no time in raising his glass. “To Ben and his momentary death!”

Rey rolls her eyes. “Poe, can’t you toast to something else?” Poe opens his mouth but comes up with nothing.

Hux clears his throat, holding up his own glass. “To the future Mr. and Mrs. Solo.”

Ben gives a smug smile and a nod and Rey gave him a warm smile, both of them raising their glasses with his. But quickly enough, Rose and Finn are making a whole new commotion. “What!?” They both exclaimed. Rey held up her hand with the ring on it with a wide grin. 

“You two are engaged?” Finn asks in disbelief.

“As of this morning, yeah,” Ben answered proudly.

Rose’s chair immediately scraped on the wood flooring as she stood up. “Why the hell didn’t you say anything?” she cried out as she rushed over and put them both in a crushing hug. “That’s so fucking amazing!”

“Thank you,” Rey smiled. 

“Oh my God, you’re getting married. This is so perfect. Both of you are amazing and so good for each other this is beautiful,” she says, fanning her eyes, trying not to cry.

“Rose, you called me crazy not even two minutes ago,” Ben says with a chuckle. 

“Yeah, but I’m still happy for you two. We’ve all been so worried these past few weeks about both of you and now it just seems like the best possible outcome. Ahh, I should make brownies or something.”

“Rose, you don’t have to make anything else, we haven’t even had dinner yet,” Rey laughs. 

“Well, let’s eat so we can make dessert and celebrate. Or no, wait. Maybe we need champagne.”

“Rose, everything is perfect the way it is already. We don’t need a big thing we just wanted to tell you.”

“Okay…” she smiles down at them again. “But I can’t promise I won’t make brownies.”

“Let’s at least get a good picture before we change topics,” Finn laughs, returning from the shelf with his Polaroid. “This is too good.”

Hux couldn’t help but laugh. If Finn and Rose ever had children they would definitely be the kind of parents that would document everything and probably embarrass their kids with the best of intentions. Rose was very connected with her family and was one to make the most out of what you have. And Finn loved that kind of atmosphere because he had grown up an orphan like Rey. Family and praising happy moments were everything.

So he can’t help but smile along as Finn aims the camera at the couple. Rose sneaks in over their heads and beams, making a much more ridiculous face than the lovestruck ones of Ben and Rey.

The picture prints out and Finn flaps it for a moment and smiles at it affectionately. "This will definitely be going on the fridge," Finn laughs, passing it over to him. When Hux sees it he can’t help but smile at it before he passes it along to Ben.

Growing up, Hux hung out will a lot of people that he hoped would piss off his father or his stepmother. But these were nice people...well, excluding Poe. 

But overall, these were people he might have made fun of growing up, maybe because he just didn’t know how to be with people or because he felt insecure about himself and confused about his own sexuality. Another thing that Brendol Hux didn’t tolerate. 

But along with the whole Poe situation, Hux has decided that he wants to move forward in his life and strangely enough, Ben’s whole concept to this experiment had piqued his interest in something which hasn’t happened in a long time. It’s reinvigorated his pursuit of knowledge and searching for something greater and he wanted to see where it went. 

* * *

It was after they had all finished eating, helped clean up, and relocated to the couch, and eaten Rose's fresh brownies that Poe went into some sort of sales pitch, trying to convince everyone why they should continue. 

Ben was fading in and out. Mostly because he heard the reduced version of it this morning but also because his mind kept drifting back to the time. Due to limited seating, Rey was fused beside him on the couch. Actually there probably was enough space since Hux had brought a chair from the dining table, and Poe was standing up, practically pacing. 

So plenty of times now, Ben would shift his arm in her line of sight, twisting his wrist so she could see the time.

Twenty–four hours were almost up. 

She always just took his hand though and pretended like she didn’t notice, but he knows she did. Even if she was appearing to be focused on Poe. 

“In conclusion, continuing this experiment is not only for our own curiosity and knowledge but for the further understanding of what lies beyond for all of humanity. So we need to keep going,” Poe says proudly but he looks to all of them expectantly. They all realize he’s waiting for applause so they indulge him with a roll of their eyes. 

At that point, Finn stood up to get a new tape for his recorder. He’s leaving it on non-stop and Poe’s monologue probably went through the rest of it. 

“Hux, did you want to say your piece?” Ben asked with a smirk, honestly just trying to roll everything along. At this point, he suspected they were going to continue with this since everyone seemed to be on (more or less) the same page.

“Don’t say anything until I come back,” Finn shouts. “We need to record everything.” Finn returns a moment later and he sits close to Hux, waiting to get everything on tape.

Hux gives a scoff but nods. “Alright, well, I think Dameron has made some notable points, surprisingly enough, so I suppose if I were to add to it at all, I would say that this pursuit for knowledge is very exciting. It opens new doors for neuropsychology and in my opinion, neuroscience in general.”

Ben agreed. The field had become very interesting as of late and all of this seemed to really advance the field substantially.

“However, I do want to say that I believe Ben’s experience is just the tip of the iceberg here. I think all of us, everyone alive, would experience various things in this phenomenon. Obviously, the after-effects are surprisingly positive,” he chuckles, nodding to Ben, “we know we are capable of reviving each other. I truly believe the best doctors at Corelia are all in this room. And I have to admit that I am almost desperately curious to see what I would see...if there is anything to see.”

“What do you mean _if there's anything_?” Ben asks him, slightly mocking and slightly defensive. He would not accept that what he saw wasn’t real. Even the parts that were foggy and unclear. He still needed them to be true.

“I mean 'if' it’s actually possible and you didn’t just have a nitrous fueled dream about certain someone that I have a feeling you tend to dream about anyway,” Hux smirks, nodding to Rey.

Everyone laughs at that, even Rey, and Ben rolls his eyes. “Why does everyone think I'm some kind of–”

Hux interrupts him. "And Rey did mention something though about you having a nightmare last night."

He glances down at Rey, realizing she must have told him earlier. It would make sense. It's best to consider all aspects of his behavior. "It was nothing. Just a nightmare."

"Are you sure?" she asks him quietly, her brows a little furrowed. "You seemed so scared. It...It could have been connected," she says softly. 

"Maybe," he shrugs. "We'll have to observe this and see if it manifests as anything. It could be nothing."

"Some bad dreams might be the only side effect?" Poe snorts. "I don't know about you but I think I can handle myself just fine."

"Under proper observations, and as long as we all remain honest with each other, then it should be a fairly standard experiment," Hux says. "And, yes, I think that we need to continue anyway. It’s scary and judging by how most of us reacted to Ben’s grandfather’s concepts at first glance, I suspect it will be very controversial. So for the sake of protecting the work and ourselves, if we are all in on this, it remains strictly confidential.”

“Yes,” Rey leans forward. “I got expelled for trying to help a woman at the hospital so I don’t want to know what they’d do if they figure out about all this. Potentially it could get us in legal trouble or something so I think it needs to remain private, which includes not trying to get on late-night talk shows or _Sixty Minutes,_ ” she remarks, looking pointedly at Poe who slumps slightly. 

“Agreed,” Rose says.

Finn is trying to hold his arm out. “Wait, everyone needs to talk louder so it gets picked up on the thing.”

“So,” Poe says clearly for Finn. “Are we really doing this?”

Heads turn to each other, small nods occurring. 

“Okay,” Ben says, scooting forward a bit. “If so, then we need to be smart about it. We can’t get hasty and cut corners. It’s a sensitive system even if it's relatively simple." He wasn't going to get careless like his grandfather got, driven mad and hopeless with heartbreak. They were all smart. There was no reason anything should go wrong if they all stayed focused.

"It worked the first time so we can’t screw with the formula too much right now. I think regardless, the timestamps should be kept at one minute as a goal since revival may take different amounts of time.”

“Dude, we brought you back seven seconds over, don’t sweat it,” Poe says with a swat of his hand. 

“ _We_ brought him back," Hux reminds him, nodding again to Rey and the others. "I think you were busy filming."

Ben ignores whatever impending argument would take place, sitting forward, trying to get them to refocus. "Listen, right now, only Hux and Poe want to go, so I think, for now, that's as far as we take it. Even if results seem promising, we will evaluate where to go from there. That doesn't mean we all start jumping in. Unless you're certain like these two then don't take the chance,” he says, his hand slightly squeezing Rey's leg. As hypocritical as it may be, he didn't want her to go under. 

He's not sure if Rey picked that up or understood him though as they all turn to Rose. “Oh, yeah, no, I’m definitely not going,” Rose says shaking her head. “My sister would kill me. I mean not for real, but...well, you know. I’ll come along for the ride.”

“Finn?” Poe asks. 

“I’m undecided. I see how I feel after the two of them go.”

Rose laughs, “Finn, you won’t go.”

“Probably won’t but I’m trying to stay open-minded,” he says very professionally into the tape recorder. 

“Well, this all sounds lovely. Now, we just return to our earlier predicament. Which of us will be going first?” He asks, looking to Ben as if he’s some kind of authority. 

Ben shakes his head. “I don’t know. Flip a coin or something,” he said, glancing at his watch.

If they left now they would arrive back at their apartment at near-perfect time. And it seems like this conversation had come to a close and things were much tamer than this morning when the two men burst into their bedroom. It seemed now things could be more constructive. 

“Flip a goddamn coin?” Poe whines. “Fuck it, fine,” he sighs, reaching into his pockets for something. “Quarter works. Okay, Hux. Heads or tails?”

“I don’t care,” Hux sighs.

“Sucker, you're heads, then. Tails never fails,” Poe cheers, prepared to flip it but Rose reaches over. 

“Are you actually twelve years old?"

"Give me back the quarter," he pouts, trying to take it from her. 

"Nuh-uh, I will flip it as a third party.” She tosses it in the air and then places it on the back of her palm before revealing it to them. “Tails.”

“Yes!” Poe cheers, immediately looking to shove it in Hux’s face but at the redhead’s bored expression he quickly loses interest and just rejoices on his own.

And with that, Ben figured they were good to leave. He looks to Rey and she nods. “Okay, well with that–”

Finn interjects, hearing the impeding farewell in Ben’s tone. “We still have to designate the day and time we’re doing this and–”

“Logistics and details can be decided on later. Besides, I think it’s a good precaution to just gives it at least a week, in case there are any unusual side effects.” Ben thinks back to that odd dream he had last night. It was very jarring, and as odd as it was it felt real. But he hadn’t been sleeping well the past few weeks and when he did he was no strange to bad dreams. 

Still, his scientific nature didn’t want to believe in coincidence. 

“Unusual side effects? You mean besides the fact that you’ve been smiling to yourself for a majority of the day?” Poe asks with false curiosity. “Stark contrast to the moody Ben we’ve all been used to these past couple weeks.”

Ben rolls his eyes which furthers everyone else’s amusement. 

“Well, I’m exhausted and we see each other like every day anyway. We all have phones and what not so with that I think we’ll be saying goodnight.” He stands up, bringing Rey with him. 

Rose gets up then too, offering them hugs once again. “Rose, the food was delicious. Thank you,” Rey tells her. 

“Oh please. Rey, you think everything tastes good.”

“I still mean it.”

“I know. Besides, I have a feeling that the next few weeks may have a lot of my cooking so I’m glad you like it.”

Everyone else says goodbye. Rey makes it linger and he’s practically dragging her for the door and grabbing their coats before leaving. “Goodbye, everyone,” he says probably too loudly in the hallway but hardly cares as he races for the elevator. 

“Ben,” Rey laughs. 

“Ten minutes left,” he explains with a big grin on his face as he pulls her into the elevator. 

* * *

“Well, they’re in a hurry,” Poe snarks. 

“We’re at the twenty-four-hour mark,” Hux said looking to his watch.

“And?” Rose asks confused.

Hux looks all around, realizing no one else heard the conversation he had with Rey. But the two of them weren’t subtle at all. Surely everyone knows what’s happening so he figures it was no harm done to share it. 

“I said that Ben shouldn’t have any over strenuous activity in the first twenty-four hours after the experiment, including sex, so now it’s almost up and they’re in a rush to get home.”

“Oh,” Poe laughs, clapping a bit. “That’s hilarious. That’s probably why he didn’t answer my question this morning. I’ll have to ask him again tomorrow.”

Hux doesn’t even want to know what the question was so he stands up. “You know, I have a big exam on Monday morning and I need to study tomorrow so I’m probably going to head out too.”

“Oh, okay. Do you want any leftovers for lunch tomorrow?” Rose asks kindly.

“Uhh...actually, that sounds great. Thank you, Rose.” 

She moves to the kitchen and with Finn preoccupied playing back the tape at the table, it becomes quiet again. And suddenly he and Poe lock eyes for a second but they quickly pull away. They had had an argument this morning, obviously, but now there seemed to be very little to say. So when Rose offers him some Tupperware he gives them a final nod and goodbye.

He would certainly be seeing a lot of them again, he knows.

* * *

They made their way into their apartment with two minutes to spare. Despite how he immediately tried to rush to the bedroom, she pretended not to notice, taking her time which seemed to inflict a certain torture she was aiming for. 

He practically growls though when she ignores him enough because his arms wrap around her middle and carry her the rest of the way. 

“Ben, there’s two minutes left and you must respect the full twenty-four-hour requirement,” she says, unable to hide the smile on her face. 

He groans. “No, it’s one minute and... seventeen seconds. sixteen,” he says, setting her in the middle of their bedroom and looking at his watch. 

Rey rolls her eyes, pulling off her coat and throwing it over the armchair. He does the same and slowly enough, the two of them take their time to get undressed. Rey pulls her sweater over her head and when her head is clear, she can see that Ben was quickly pulling off his own shirt so that his chest was bared. He starts to fiddle with his belt but she steps forward. He smirks at first but she just wraps her arms around him, hugging him tightly, pressing her ear against where his heartbeat was. Just a few inches from his tattoo. 

She closes her eyes, trying to count in her head while she tracks how many beats she can hear. 

“Rey?” he asks softly, his hand settling over her head and his fingers in her hair. He knows what she’s doing. 

“I know. You’re fine,” she says, already knowing what he would say. She turns her face to kiss over his heart. His hand slides to the back of her neck, trying to guide her to look up at him. She meets his eyes and he has a tender look on his face. 

“We’re gonna be okay,” he says softly. 

“I hope so,” she breathes out. 

He kisses her forehead and it makes her smile. It was comforting when he did that. It always made her feel loved. They stay like that for a long moment and it’s like both of them forgot about the time entirely. 

But then Rey jolts as Ben’s alarm on his nightstand suddenly blares. 

“Shit, sorry,” Ben apologizes, quickly stepping over to silence it and taking his watch off.

She crosses her arms, knowing that she’s half-dressed, just as he is. “Did you set an alarm for when the time ran out?”

“What?” he scoffs. “No,” he insists but he’s already smirking and she rolls her eyes. “That was to remind me to brush my teeth,” he lies. “I forgot to turn it off,” he claims and she pushes him to sit back on the bed, her hands on his shoulders. 

“To brush your teeth?” she deadpans.

“I had to set a lot of alarms when you were gone. I didn’t remember anything because I just live my life in your footsteps,” he tries to joke but at the mention of her being gone, they both go quiet.

A moment later he gives in. “I was lying. Yes, I did set an alarm. Sorry,” he says, settling his hands on her hips. "I guess I've been looking forward to being with the woman who somehow agreed to marry me."

She chuckles softly but waits until his eyes find hers again. “I’m glad to be home,” she tells him quietly.

His hands cling to her a little tighter then and she notices how his eye twitches slightly. “Me too,” he croaks. Leaning forward, she kisses his face, beneath his eye. She knows that happens when he gets upset or nervous sometimes. She wonders how many times it’s happened in the past few weeks. 

When she pulls away, he is quick to catch her mouth with his. His hands unbuttoning her own pants and sliding them down her legs, leaving her just in her underwear. He gives a devilish smile as he pulls her onto his lap so she’s straddling him. 

His kisses trail further down, nuzzling into her neck and along her collar bone. Reaching behind her, she reaches for the clasp of her bra and Ben helps her discard it quickly with a smirk on his face. When she is revealed to him, she instantly feels how the deep breath he gives fans out over her chest. 

Slowly, his hand moves from her thigh and reaches up to brush his thumb past her nipple. She tries not to moan but then he scoots her up a bit higher, his other hand firm on her rear so that he can lower his mouth to her breast. 

“Ben,” she breathed out, her arms holding him closer. As close as she can. 

But then he surprises her as he scoops her up into his arms and settles her on the bed. He hovers over her, his mouth returns to his attentions from a moment ago as he laves against her. Her hands run through his hair, probably pulling it harder than she should. It’s felt like so long though and her control has run thin. Especially since the last time, they were in a bit of a hurry. She smirks, thinking of the library. 

But Ben seemed to understand too. Now they had time. Neither of them would take it for granted. 

“Ben,” she moaned out again and that seemed to get through to him because he feels her buck his hips into her even though he was still in his jeans. 

“Shit,” he cursed, fumbling to rise up once again. She watches him with a smirk as he stands by the foot of the bed, wrestling with his zipper to quickly push his pants down. 

Reaching for the waistband of her underwear, Rey tucks her thumbs in the fabric and lifts her hips to push them off. Ben is already ahead of her as he rushes to assist her, pulling them down her legs and tossing them over his shoulder. 

She chuckles but it doesn’t really sound like one. More like she was just breathing quicker than before and it seems to make Ben’s efforts in yanking off his socks more urgent. When he’s finally just in his boxers, her eyes wander to the bulge there before trailing back up to his face. As their eyes lock together, Rey reaches over for his nightstand, pulling out the drawer and grabbing a condom before returning back to where she was. But her eyes never left his. 

That seems to push him over the edge as he rids himself of his underwear completely and starts crawling back onto the bed to meet her. Rey stays up on her elbows, watching him with a smirk as he settles himself back between her legs.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathes out, his hands taking their time, wandering over her body. “I missed all of you...but I missed this _a lot_ ,” he snarks. 

She didn’t disagree with him but the opportunity was too perfect. “I hate you,” she moans out as his hand moves between her legs, gently brushing past her center. She hisses at the sensation, how it all seems to gather there. Her need for him consuming her. 

“I know, sweetheart,” he says.

Two of his fingers press in. Her head falls back, sinking down onto the bed as her elbows buckle under her. 

Ben hovers above her, his fingers working in circular motions against her core. She feels like she’s melting into the sheets as her breathing comes faster and faster as he brings her closer to release. When he dives back for her chest, playfully nipping at her breasts, she quickly finds herself slipping and starting to crest as he moves faster.

“Ben...Ben,” she bucks her hips against his hand and within a few moments she’s done for as she cries out, nails digging into his skin. The pleasure of his touch satisfying as much as it was maddening, making her need more.

When her eyes finally open again, the look on his face isn’t as smug as she expected. Instead, it is gentle. Almost reverent as he seemed to like watching her fall apart. Forging past the luxury of catching her breath, Rey pulls him down to her, kissing him sloppily but he doesn’t seem to mind.

Blindly trying to grab hold of the packet by the pillow, she unwraps the condom and he pulls back at the crinkling noise. He reaches to take it from her but she flicks his chest.

“I know where it goes,” she reminds him. 

He chuckles but as she wraps her hand around him where he was pressed firmly at her thigh, he gives a sharp intake of breath, followed closely by a shaky exhale as she puts it on. His hand takes one of her legs in hand, hitching it over his hip. 

As she guides him to meet her, he takes over with a single roll of his hips, burying himself inside. Moans from both of them fill the room. 

* * *

Ben almost couldn’t believe it. There had been several points today that made him think that he might still be lost in some endless dream.

Early this morning when Rey said she would stay home for good.

Several minutes after that when she agreed to marry him. 

Coming back to find her snuggled up on the couch like he used to. 

Lazing around in content all afternoon while she insisted he rested because above all else she was looking out for him, always.

_And now this._

He watched her beneath him, her breathing as wild as his, her eyes shut and head thrown back as she arched into him, breathing his name. 

How he deserves this he will never know. But he knows not to ever take it for granted. His mind flashes back to the memories he saw, small snippets of the future. He knows it’s scientifically improbable to think Rey was some sort of cosmic answer but he didn’t care. He didn't care if anyone believed him. He knows what he saw.

“Ben,” she breathes out, her hips meeting his.

His hair is starting to really cover his eyes as it drapes over his face and sticks to his sweaty skin, but he battles with it to keep his eyes on her. The more he fights against it the worse it gets. “Fucking hair,” he cursed, risking his balance for a moment to try and comb it back.

Rey chuckles as it falls back where it was. “Gra-” she gasped. 

“What?”

In an instant, her legs tighten even more around his hips, and using her body weight, she turns them over so she’s on top of them. He moaned at the sudden change of pressure but as his eyes open again she is gently pushing his hair out of his face with a smirk so he could see her clearly. “Gravity,” she whispers against his lips before kissing him again.

She pushes at his chest, trying to get him to return to his back but he doesn’t budge. Instead, he remains sitting up with her, their chests pressed together. Her hands settle on his shoulders as his move to her hips and together they resume their rhythm from before. 

“Fuck,” he swears out, putting a hand out on the bed behind him for more leverage as she sank over him. Her hands get buried in his hair while his face remained tucked against her collar, trying to press kisses there but his breathing was too erratic. 

He wasn’t going to last much longer, but he wanted her to finish first. Sliding his hand over her thigh, he tries to wedge it between them so his thumb could trace over that one spot at her center. Her response is immediate as he feels her pace quicken and her nails dig into his skin. She gasps into his ear, “Ben…”

“Let go,” he moaned out although it sounded more like a plea. It was, he realizes.

As if that’s all it takes, she cries out and arches against him, her walls seizing around him and pulling him in with her.

He clings to her hips with both hands, as if to keep himself from slipping. He groans out, his cries louder than hers as their unsteady thrusts meet wildly until both of them were spent and panting heavily into the room.

When he finally feels her muscles relax against him, she sits back on his thighs a little more so they could look at each other. Their tired but sated gazes meet. Her hands slide out of his hair to cup his cheeks. When he feels her thumb brush past his lip he can’t help but chuckle softly. Their chests are still pressed together but Rey leans closer anyway to rest her forehead against his. 

“I love you,” she breathes against his lips.

Ben doesn’t care how many times he’s heard it from her, it still makes him catch his breath. “I love you too,” he says back, kissing her softly before pulling her tightly into a hug. “I love you so fucking much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much stupid, I know, but if you're sticking around and reading this, thank you<3!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty short transitionary chapter.
> 
> Honestly, I haven’t proofread it so I’ll look over it tomorrow. YEET!!

MONDAY

Rey was packing her clothes and thing back into her bag, looking over to the floral couch where she had spent two weeks of long nights on. 

As much as she told Maz it had been quite comfortable and that she was sleeping just fine, it was horribly uncomfortable but Rey would never admit that. The mere fact that this woman let her live here was unbelievably kind and Rey hopes she could repay her one day. 

Looking over the areas she frequented in her time here and finding them clear, she steps back over to the table where her books were. 

“Alright, I think that’s about it.”

“Nonsense. You haven’t had your sandwich yet. Sit down,” Maz says from the stove where she was making grilled cheese. Rey denied at first but Maz insisted she eats something since it was nearly two and Rey hadn’t had lunch.

It was really strange, not going to school. Not going to the hospital. So much of her life revolved around her education and medicine and now, that was gone. 

But as she thinks back to that woman she managed to save, Rey knows that she couldn’t have let it pass her by. She knew she could help the woman and she did, fully aware of the consequences. 

Ben and the others had spent the last few days, adamant that they would protest against the board's decision but she was doubtful anything would come of it. She’s rarely heard of the board changing their minds. They were very old fashioned. Once something was done, it was in stone. 

So, when Ben left early this morning for class, Rey got up too, her internal clock ready to face the day, especially with some solid hours of sleep finally in her favor. 

Only she had nowhere to go. 

So, after making the bed, watching the news for an hour, and having some cereal, she called over ot Maz’s to see if she was home so Rey could pick up her things. Maz was all too excited to hear from her and Rey feels guilty she hadn’t called earlier but Maz had the afternoon off so Rey had swung by, collecting her things. 

“Soup’s on,” Maz says, setting two plates on the table. 

“Thank you, Maz,” Rey says, sitting down. 

The two of them eat in silence for a few minutes as they take a few bites but Maz can’t hold back for long as she starts with her questions. 

“So I take it you and Ben are made up?”

Rey nods, smiling at her sandwich. “Yeah...And, well,” Rey chuckles to herself, imaging how silly she must sound. “We got engaged, actually.”

Maz’s eyes go wide and Rey laughs at her reaction. 

“You’re gone for one weekend and you come back engaged?” Rey nods, wiping her hands on a napkin before laying it on the table so Maz could see the ring. “Oh, would you look at that,” Maz smiles down to it. “That’s lovely. I guess he’s been a wreck without you. He had to make sure you stayed this time.”

“He told me he got it for me two months after we met.” Maz bursts out laughing. “He’s had it for so long. He said he always knew he wanted to marry me,” Rey says fondly, looking to the ring herself, playing with it a little. She didn’t usually wear a lot of jewelry but she never wanted to take this off. 

She and Maz chatted about Ben, much cheerier than any of their prior conversations from the past two weeks she’s been living here. 

But then it comes back around to her expulsion. “So, what are you going to do now?” Maz asks. 

Rey takes a deep breath. For the next few weeks, she was going to be distracted with their work, but she couldn’t exactly say that to Maz. 

“I think I’m just going to take some time to breathe a little. I’ve always been in such a rush with school, in a hurry to get a steady job,” she explains. It was true. She had tried her hardest to push through her most stressed times with the motivation that when she reached her goal, she would have a job. She had finished her bachelor’s degree in three years so she could get to medical school earlier. Not to mention she always had to kind of guess on her age since she didn’t have a concrete date but she’s always been the youngest in all her classes, she thinks. 

“But, for now, I think I’d like to focus on more personal matters.”

“Like planning a wedding?” Maz asks.

Rey snorts. She hadn’t even thought that far yet. They hadn’t even told his parents yet. They had decided they didn’t want to reveal it over the phone so they would tell them when they went to visit for Thanksgiving.

That and right now they were trying to take one thing at a time which was impossible enough 

“I don’t know where to even start with something like that,” Rey admits. 

“As long as I get an invitation then you’re doing it right.”

“Of course,” Rey laughs. “I owe you so much, Maz.”

“Nonsense. It was my pleasure to have you over. You’re very pleasant company.”

“You too.”

“However...I have to ask. When you saw him again, did you smack him as I told you to?”

Rey chuckles. “Actually, yeah. I did.”

Maz cackles. 

* * *

TUESDAY 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Solo. I don’t know what you expect me to tell you. The board made its decision and I’ve given the paperwork to fill out if you wish to speak to them.”

Ben looked down to the textbook thick packet of paperwork she gave him that he would need to fill out in order to just have a conversation with them about Rey’s expulsion. 

Hux stands next to him, shaking his head at the paperwork as well. 

“I just need a few minutes of their time. Can I just talk to someone?” Ben practically begs to the secretary. 

“We want to speak on the behalf of another student,” Hux says.

“If you want to talk to the board so bad, just track them down yourself?” the older woman huffs, as she turns away and leaves. “I’m on my break.”

“What the fuck was that?” 

“I don’t know,” Ben sighs. “Maybe we should just–”

He shuts himself up as he sees Dr. Windu leaving his office further down the hall. 

_He was on the board._

“Follow me,” Ben tells Hux, basically chasing after the man. 

“Excuse me,” Ben says, slowing down so he didn’t sound like he just ran after him. “Dr. Windu, can I speak with you for a moment?”

“My free office hours just ended, Mr. Solo. If you have a problem, or you wish to discuss your lack of interest in my class as of late, you can catch me there another time.”

“Sir, please,” Hux intervenes. “I know this is going to sound ridiculous but it’s actually about another student here.”

“I don’t discuss the nature of other students at this school with–”

“It’s about Rey Johnson,” Ben says quickly, and instantly, Dr. Windu stops and Ben knows that he’s listening. 

“Please,” Ben continues while he can, “She’s worked so hard to be here. She knows she broke the rules but she saved that woman’s life,” Ben told him, trying to sound calm and collected. But Hux was better at that. 

“Is there anything we can do to at least downgrade it to a suspension instead. Maybe she could start back in the spring?” Hux tries to offer.

Dr. Windu sighed, turning to face them finally. “I’m afraid it’s not up to me. I’m just one person on the board. As much as I may admire Miss Johnson’s efforts, it’s a little more complicated than that.”

“There’s nothing we can do?” Hux asks.

Dr. Windu just shrugged, switching his briefcase to his other hand. “I wouldn’t say that. She could apply for readmission next year. If the rest of the board feels it’s been an appropriate amount of time, it’s possible they could let her back in, but again...it’s not guaranteed.”

Ben nods, wishing that could sound more hopeful than it did.

“I haven’t had the pleasure of having Miss Johnson in my class, but from what I hear from my colleagues, she’s an exemplary student and I believe she has a bright future in medicine. But I’m afraid it’s just going to have to be on hold right now.”

Ben slumped in disappointment. “She knew what the risk of helping that woman was and she did it anyway. She only wanted to help and she's more than capable to do it. Had she stayed to the side, the woman wouldn't have made it. Why couldn't you all see that?”

"I know what she did! I tried to fight for suspension myself, but I was on the losing side. There's only so much to be done at this point," Dr. WIndu explains, getting agitated at Ben's implication. Ben lowers his head, taking a step back, realizing that he might have been hounding the one person that tried to fight for her before he could.

The professor sighs a moment later. “I imagine you’re asking because she’s important to you."

Ben nods, his brain trying to conjure the words. Trying to convey just how important she is. Thankfully, Hux steps in. “She’s his fiancée.”

Dr. Windu actually gives him a small smile then and Ben blinks back in confusion. He’s never seen the man smile before. "

“Well, that may affect my decision if she’s _Mrs. Solo_ next time she’s in front of the board,” he says quietly. Hux bursts out with laughter. 

Ben’s mouth hangs open, unsure of what to say, certain that his teacher was actually making fun of him. 

“Next time you’re in my class, I recommend you turn in that paper that was due a week ago,” he says, his voice returning to his usual tone as he gives them a nod and turns back around. 

Ben is a mixture of annoyed and amused when it’s just him and Hux standing there again. 

“He hates me,” Ben says.

“Yeah, definitely,” Hux agrees but pats him on the back. “Come on, we’re gonna be late for Dr. Mundi’s class.”

* * *

THURSDAY 

Rey tried to distract herself. She really did. She cleaned their clothes and bedsheets. She got some groceries. She returned her textbooks to the library so they couldn’t fine her for keeping their property. 

She really tried to just ignore it but it seemed like it was looking at her wherever she went.

Anakin’s journals.

She had opened it before. Had skimmed through it several times. The last time being when he had left it behind in the library and everything clicked together. 

She didn’t care what she’s agreed to or how successful the experiment had been, she thinks that Anakin Skywalker was a very troubled man. 

Singing to herself, she steps over to the desk and pulled out the journal, not sure what she expected. She had looked through it before and she knew it wouldn’t offer any comfort. Anakin had failed. 

Against her better judgment, she sits down, looking it over. She flips past the things she remembers, including Ben’s additions, and finding pages she hadn’t noticed before. 

Including one that had a photograph of Ben’s grandmother pasted on it.

 _She was beautiful._ Rey delicately traced her fingers around the edges. 

_Padmé_ was written in cursive at the bottom of the page and on the following page, Rey realized it was something of a letter to his late wife as there were only words, sentiments. Not observations or anything remotely scientific. Starting from the beginning Rey reads what is written.

_My Beloved Padmé,_

_Not a moment passes that I do not think of you. I miss you with all I am and I fear I have gone mad without you. Everybody thinks so. Obi-Wan won’t even look at me but I know he comes still to make sure the children are cared for. I regret I am not the father to them that I promised you I would be. But just looking at them pains me. They remind me too much of you and when I try to hold them, I break down into tears. I offer them no comfort and I know they despise me. They hate me for not saving you. Almost as much as I hate myself for letting it happen._

_My only wish is for them to be free of me because I know I cannot give them the love they deserve. I have taken every precaution to ensure they find that love in the arms of who can offer it without so much sorrow._

_I’m sorry I could not do better._

_Yours forever,_

_Ani._

Rey’s stomach turns as she finished reading. It made her feel like she could cry and quickly she closed it, pushing it away from her. 

Anakin sounded like a man who had given up. He had little regard for his own life and that is why he failed. 

Because it sounds like he didn’t even plan on coming back. 

But Ben had been different. She knows Ben never would have done it if he thought for a moment that he wouldn’t wake up, then he wouldn’t have done it. But he believed so much that he had figured it all out and he had come back to her like she asked of him. 

For a moment, she tries to imagine this man’s pain. Anakin’s. 

His wife, who he loved so much died in childbirth. Anakin had insisted on delivering them but from what Rey gathers, there were complications and Padmé didn’t make it. Ever since she passed, Anakin felt responsible, to the point where he was capable of nothing but wallowing in guilt and anger, not even able to tend to his children. 

So, he concocted an experiment that he believed would allow him to see her again, or at the very least catch a glimpse of where she could have gone. But it seems obvious that coming back and sharing what his finding may have been were not of extreme importance. And even if it was, it sounds like he didn’t have anyone to help him. He had pushed everyone away and when he died, he was alone. 

She was so glad that Ben wasn’t alone. That everything seemed to be okay. She hates to think that he could have been the same.

Rey wipes at her eyes before she hears the locks turning over. Rising from the desk she hears Ben walk in with Poe behind him, both of them chatting.

“Rey? Are you home?” Ben called out.

“Yeah,” she responded, sniffling quietly. “I’ll be right there.” 

She hears them talking about Friday again, and it sounds like Ben was repeating himself on the whole, _“Don’t end up on Sixty Minutes,”_ talk they had already given him. 

“Because I said so,” she hears Ben say from the other room, and she gives a soft chuckle. Poe was such a handful. 

Rey makes sure her eyes don’t look red before she emerges from the bedroom and both men turn to look at her from the couch. Ben was cleaning his glasses with his shirt but puts them back on as she approaches them. 

“Rey!” Poe cheers, excitedly from the couch, trying to block her way to Ben. “We missed you today!”

Rey smiles, although Poe has been much more obnoxious these past few days. She thought his impending date with his own mortality might make him more humble but it was already Wednesday and if anything, it was making him more childish. 

Or maybe she was just thinking about it more in terms of what Hux had mentioned and she was more than a little pissed at him but she couldn’t say anything about it. 

She plays along though, giving him a nod. “Hi, Poe.”

“Did you miss me?” he asks with a smirk, trying to block her path to Ben. 

“Almost,” she says dryly as she leans forward to greet Ben. He nods down to the spot beside him, inviting her to sit and she does, cuddling close next to him. He kisses her softly but she hugs him tightly once they pull away. Tightly enough for him to rest a hand over her head, brushing through her hair. 

“You okay?” he asks her softly. 

She nods, her nose brushing against his. “I’m just glad you’re back,” she says, meaning it in every way she can. And she can tell he picks that up as his eye twitches slightly. 

“Me too,” he says softly as he kisses the top of her head and rests his cheek over her hair.

Poe looks to them from the other side of the couch. “Rey, you forgot my kiss,” he says in his whining kind of voice as he tries to lean closer to their side of the couch, puckering his lips.

“Fuck off,” both she and Ben tell him at the same time. Ben actually reaches out to push him away but Poe just laughs but Rey thinks that joke of his has grown way too old. He quickly moves onto the next subject though. 

“I was thinking where we should eat after I come back on Friday,” he says. “I was thinking maybe pizza. Can’t go wrong with pizza.”

“Uh-huh,” Ben said, turning the volume on the TV up.

“But then I thought, tacos. You know, like that seems pretty obvious.”

“Maybe.”

Poe doesn’t realize how little they are actually invested. 

“And then I figured that I’ll just see what I’m in the mood for when the time comes. Ben, when you had your pancakes, was it like the best they ever tasted?”

“I don’t know, Poe,” Ben sighs. 

“Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I should just go classic. Get burgers.”

“Poe, for fuck’s sake, it’s not a social event. It’s dinner. Just see what you’re in the mood for when the time comes. Unless you want to discuss actual science-based questions like you said you would then I’m not going to play along.”

Poe groans. “Fine, I’ll be quiet.”

“Did you have any _actual_ questions?” Ben asks him.

When Poe doesn’t answer, Ben and Rey both know that means _no._

When Poe finally leaves them be, saying he had a date he was late for (at which both Ben and Rey rolled their eyes) they finally took a deep breath, relieved it was just the two of them again. 

Rey sat up speaking first before Ben could inquire whether or not she was really okay. She had seemed a little upset when he came home. 

“You have a lot of homework?”

Ben shrugs. “Not really,” he lied, preferring to not do it at the moment. 

She nods. “You seemed to sleep well last night. No nightmares?”

He shakes his head. “No. Nothing I can remember. And definitely nothing like that first night,” he tells her. “I don’t know what that was.”

“Alright. Armitage called me earlier. He was curious,” she tells him, her fingers fiddling with the collar of his shirt. 

“I’m good. Everything feels normal,” he assures her. “And you know the instant if something felt off, I would call you.”

“I know,” she nods. “Thank you,” she says softly before kissing him gently.

He knows she worries about him. He wishes he could stop that but he worries about her just the same. Besides, she probably had just cause to worry as much as she did. He certainly didn’t make it easy on her sometimes. But he wanted to be better. 

“Are you tired?” he asks her curiously. She seemed different this afternoon. 

She shrugs, “Not really. I think I’m just used to being a bit busier. I end up fiddling too much.”

His heart sinks. He hates what the school did to her and clearly getting though the board was going to be difficult, he thinks back to his conversation with Dr. Windu. 

Ben sighs, his head falling back on the couch, his hand holding Rey’s, reminding himself he was back home. “I think I might be tired.”

“You look it,” she says, kissing the edge of his jaw.

He couldn’t fall asleep right now though so he looks to her again. “I need to rinse off. Do you wanna join me?” he asks.

She nods, standing up first and offering her hands to help him up. 

Together they shuffle into the bathroom. She turns the shower on and they start to undress each other. It isn’t sexual as much as it was just comfortable.

She steps in after him and he folds her into his arms, just holding her there with him beneath the spray of the shower. Her fingers trace over her name on his chest and he smiles. He likes it when she did that. 

“Poe’s been such a pain in the ass,” he tells her after a moment.

She chuckles against his chest. “I noticed.”

“I’m hoping he calms down, but if he’s this age and still this immature, he might just be stuck like this.”

She hums softly and he honestly doesn’t care if they stay in here for the rest of the evening or if he’s way behind on a paper he’s supposed to be working on.

He prefers to stay where he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poe's turn is up next.
> 
> I don't know anything about medical school or really anything at this point.

**Author's Note:**

> [moody and sad playlist that I made because I got carried away](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/23GnKUazXssmydyTeePRaL?si=02LCRsu0TQSi3G5RTbf04Q)


End file.
